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Thread: Am I really the "wrong" one?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    The good news is that there is no such thing as running out of time. People change careers in their 40's and 50's even.

    IT is a very broad field, so think more in terms of what are you good at? Explore more.

    Design is tricky in that it's not about how good you are or think you are, but rather how well you can make other people's vision a reality. Designers that I know that are highly successful aren't brilliant or even particularly good, they are simply very steady and capable of listening to other's needs, accepting criticism and changes of direction without taking anything personally and most importantly fast workers. They don't over think things. They simply roll with what a client needs or wants and sleep well at night with that.

    It would help you a lot to accept that life is just a constant ongoing change and all you can do is roll with it. The more you try to resist, the worse it will be for you. Friends no longer talk to you? You find new friends. You like this hobby, do it. No longer like it, find something else. Accept that change equals growth, people moving out of your life isn't a criticism of you, but rather just change. People grow, people change, their views change, all kinds of things happen. The more you wrap your mind about that, the better you'll be off.

  2. #12
    Member Tomasek12341's Avatar
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    That's a really good advice. Thank you! :)

  3. #13
    Member Tomasek12341's Avatar
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    What really bothers me is that most people around me know exactly what they want to do with their lives. They went to this school because they wanted to study this. But I went here because God knows why. I know nothing about railroad, just the things I've learnt at uni, and half of that I already forgot...
    And now I'm surrounded by people who speak a different language (I'm Hungarian by nationality and Slovak by citizenship) and they're looking at me in a way like "How can you not know this?"

    Most people knew about what they want to do when they were much younger than me. And here I am. 21 years old and I have no idea what I want from my life... It can annoy me as hell.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tomasek12341
    What really bothers me is that most people around me know exactly what they want to do with their lives. They went to this school because they wanted to study this. But I went here because God knows why. I know nothing about railroad, just the things I've learnt at uni, and half of that I already forgot...
    And now I'm surrounded by people who speak a different language (I'm Hungarian by nationality and Slovak by citizenship) and they're looking at me in a way like "How can you not know this?"

    Most people knew about what they want to do when they were much younger than me. And here I am. 21 years old and I have no idea what I want from my life... It can annoy me as hell.
    lol....sorry have to laugh. Not laughing at you, just at this idea that people know what they want to be. Nope, noppity, nope, nope. Most people don't. They are stumbling along, putting on a brave face, pretending just like you are while quietly trying to figure out life.

    Anyway, you do need to own something here - you went because you copied your friend. In reality, you know good and well that you are into IT. So....pursue that? Figure out how to combine the two? Simply switch out? At 21 you are still very very young and have plenty of time to change directions. You said it yourself - IT department was willing to take you in with open arms. Ever wonder why? Maybe because they saw passion, talent, the right fit? Yet YOU reject YOU in favor of copy catting someone else.

    So it goes back to the same thing - YOU need to work on YOUR identity and figure out why you reject what you actually like and what actually appeals to you in favor of being a copy cat. Satisfaction comes from developing a strong sense of self, never from just copying what others do. You don't even know if they are genuinely happy or pretending. Again, stop looking at others, look at yourself.

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  6. #15
    Member Tomasek12341's Avatar
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    And now I've been chatting with a girl for three hours on a dating app, and my friend asked me if I know already where she lives. Because they'd be ing after three hours of chatting already...

    God people know how to ruin my mood. Even if they don't mean to. I don't know if I should now be sorry for not knowing how to talk to people... Or what...

  7. #16
    Member Tomasek12341's Avatar
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    They took me because of my math results. But I already failed math at this major which is like 3x easier than IT math. Also I'm not interested in that kind of IT - networking, programming... That's not my cup of tea.
    I have a very specific area which I'm interested in. And it's just... I don't know. I don't think I'd want to do that for a major part of my life.
    My passion is more design. Which I am pursuing. But not directly. I have a lot of started but unfinished designs... I'm working on bringing up my skills to a higher level. But I need to finish this major...

  8. #17
    Member Tomasek12341's Avatar
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    And yeah, I agree with you on that I might've copied my friend. He was my idol back then. Was.
    Since then I regretted my decision, but now I have to finish this major. And we'll see what comes after...

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tomasek12341
    And now I've been chatting with a girl for three hours on a dating app, and my friend asked me if I know already where she lives. Because they'd be ing after three hours of chatting already...

    God people know how to ruin my mood. Even if they don't mean to. I don't know if I should now be sorry for not knowing how to talk to people... Or what...
    Do you not realize that this friend is simply teasing you? Serious question.

    That said he kind of has a point in that you shouldn't be spending 3 hours just chatting and chatting. Either ask her on a date or start talking to the next girl. The point of dating apps isn't to chat, but to meet face to face and figure out if you want to see each other again or not. Your friend is being crude, but his message is kind of on point in that you need to take more concrete action beyond just chatting. Otherwise, girls will get bored with you and move on, or you'll just waste a lot of time with girls who only want to chat....which I presume isn't your goal. I mean if you just enjoy chatting, own it and there is nothing wrong with that at all if that is in fact your goal. But if you want more, ask for it. Grab life by the horns. If this girl rejects you, good. You won't be wasting another minute talking to her, you are free to find someone who will say yes. Dating is kind of a game of numbers. So many will say no, each no gets you closer to yes. You only need one to say yes. Keep that in mind.

  10. #19
    Member Tomasek12341's Avatar
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    Well he teases me a lot like this. And I hate it in general.

    Also, sure, he might have a point. But I wouldn't know since actually (I'm telling you now) she was the only person on that app (and the other apps I've used) with whom I got to chat for more than one sentence... Usually it's like, I greet them and ask them something and they just don't bother to reply...

    And as for the "grab life by the horns"... I have a few words for that, but I'd rather not say anything right now.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Am I really the "wrong" one?
    During times when we feel lousy, it's temping to boil all of our experiences down into one simplistic question, but glomming everything into a giant abstraction isn't useful. Nobody can resolve those.

    Instead, I've found it helpful to consider my life to be muti-faceted with each person or experience offering something new to learn. So the only helpful question would be, "Do I want to pick lessons that will help me to gain resilience so I can at least feel good about that, or do I want to sink myself into a hole to climb out of?"

    Sinking into 'always' or 'never' rigidity is a trap. Once I decided to pick resilience as my goal, then I was liberated from trying to blame either myself or someone else every time an encounter or incident felt bad.

    Consider the Ugly Duckling fable and nurture your inner swan. Forgive those around you who lack the vision to see the swan, because you know better. You've already taught yourself at an early age that seeking out people with the maturity to see your swan offers advantages. Find hobbies and interest that you can pursue where your path will cross with older people who can help mentor you in your development, and skip any focus on the messy kid stuff. Leave that for the ducklings.

    Your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus. Why not use the service? You don't need instant answers about what you want to 'be,' so relax on defining yourself in this moment. Relaxation will help you to follow your intuition and be guided by your highest intelligence toward pleasure and away from pain. Learn what simple pleasures can teach you about yourself, and enjoy the exploration along paths that lead you to life mentors who may or may not become long term fixtures in your life, but rather notice how each encounter can guide you toward your own development and optimism.

    We find what we seek. If your focus is limited in scope to the duckings in front of you, you'll only find painful limits there. Expand your scope and see what happens.

    Head high.

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