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Thread: Boyfriendís Family does not like me.

  1. #1

    Boyfriendís Family does not like me.

    Hey there.
    *please know that Iím writing this before my coffee and forgive me if itís a bit all over the place*

    So to make a very long story short, my boyfriendís family are not my biggest fans right no due to something that I did in the not too far past ( and quite frankly I wouldnít blame them.)

    Iíd rather not get into that much detail but the inspite of all of this, He still wants me to go with him on Christmas to be with his family and that makes me extremely uncomfortable. There is a possibility that his family (particularly his siblings) will NEVER come around. Iím nervous that this encounter is going to be awkward particularly should be involved. Is there a way to navigate this? Any advice would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    What did you do?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It's difficult to give advice based on such little content.

    It really does depend on what you did.

  4. #4
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    We need to know what the incident was.

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I am not sure why he wants to cause family conflict. But it depends on what you did.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? How solid is your relationship? How well do you know his family and how often have you been with them?

    He invited you so he's ok with things, no? It doesn't matter what you did, you can't undo it. If you want to go act polite and friendly. If not tell him you have plans with your own family.
    Originally Posted by JDancer34
    He still wants me to go with him on Christmas to be with his family and that makes me extremely uncomfortable. There is a possibility that his family (particularly his siblings) will NEVER come around.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    The generic answer is that if he invited you, then he knows his family better than you do and thinks it will be OK.

    As for how to behave, just be polite and civil with everyone and keep a low profile. Don't try to befriend, keep your mouth shut if his siblings try to goad you into some kind of conflict. Be the grown up and smile politely and let your bf deal with his family. Basically understand that if you did something bad, then it's your time to display serious humility and mind your manners without fail.

    Best way to mend bridges is to show that you are a better person today than what you did in the past and hope that eventually people will come around and see that.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    The generic answer is that if he invited you, then he knows his family better than you do and thinks it will be OK.

    As for how to behave, just be polite and civil with everyone and keep a low profile. Don't try to befriend, keep your mouth shut if his siblings try to goad you into some kind of conflict. Be the grown up and smile politely and let your bf deal with his family. Basically understand that if you did something bad, then it's your time to display serious humility and mind your manners without fail.

    Best way to mend bridges is to show that you are a better person today than what you did in the past and hope that eventually people will come around and see that.
    I agree with this.
    I don't see another way around this without the opportunity to be in their presence. It may very well be uncomfortable but all you can do is be your best self and give it time.

  10. #9
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    None of us know you. We can't give solid advice unless we have some idea what it is you did recently. Did you cheat on him? Lie about being pregnant? Take his debit or credit card and use it without him knowing? Or something totally benign like borrow his car and bring it back on empty?

    Again, none of us know you so we can't "out" what you did. Care to reveal a bit more?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    To some extent, it really does matter what you did. Yes, he knows his family better than yourself or us, but there are some much more objective considerations when it comes to how much you may have hurt someone and inflicted trauma. Your boyfriend's understandably vested interest in you achieving some measure of familiarity or involvement with his family could well be at odds with, say, a sister of his whose face you smashed in or whose father of her children you had an affair with a couple months ago.

    Not knowing what you did, to whom, how long ago, whether you've made amends or at least regained tolerance from whichever individuals, or whether you've been assured by your boyfriend that whoever you victimized is comfortable with you around, it's very difficult to extend generalized advice your way. You can deliver information without outing yourself.

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