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Thread: Boyfriendís Family does not like me.

  1. #11
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Yes, we need more information...

    Did you make a subtle remark on Facebook that was misinterpreted, or did you kill one of his relatives and bury them in your basement... big difference!

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry they don't like you but all is not lost.

    Be courageous and brave. I've often been put in spots like this. My in-laws were ambivalent about me in the beginning and to this day, my SIL (sister-in-law) and I are not buddies.

    This is what I've always done: Just act natural, be kind, respectful, gracious, don't be noisy nor loud. Have classy composure. Behave like a well mannered lady. Do this forever. This should be your personality and character. When you make this type of behavior very habitual and consistent, people will come around. They don't know you that well. People need to build trust and trust that you will behave sincerely and nicely. They're observing you and your nonverbal communication, too. They're observing how you treat others, too. Behave honorably and as long as you treat people with dignity and respect, you will earn their respect. Be unobtrusive. Be a good person and treat others with respect. Treat them how you would like to be treated. Don't be overzealous. Just be kindhearted, gentle, tender, soft spoken and poised. Don't be self-conscious and internally be proud of your behavior as you conduct yourself with class. At the same time, remember to remain humble, have humility and integrity. People will be receptive to your gracious behavior. If you want to make a positive impression, always remain gracious.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Another thing, since it's Christmas (or it could be any family gathering in a house), be helpful which will score points for you! Some people just stand around and do nothing. Help! If they need help with set up, help. If the kitchen is a mess, grab a towel, help clean up, dry and put away clean dishes, pots 'n pans, utensils, serving platters, bowls, etc. Be kind and helpful. Do it without anyone having to ask for help.

    My mother taught me never to mooch nor take advantage of a host's hospitality. Never sponge off others. Bring a generous, home cooked dish to share for the buffet. Pull your weight. Never act arrogant and let everyone else sweat for you. Jump right in and help. You'll make fast friends this way. Get your boyfriend to help as well. Extra hands makes light work.

    If you want to make a good impression and be well-liked carry yourself with aplomb and have class. Treat people right. Do this consistently and habitually always and permanently. You'll gain respect and admiration. Don't expect anything in return. Silence is the sincerest form of flattery or compliments. It will be nice if they said, "Thank you" though. Thank them for including you and for their hospitality. Show class always. Always be on your best behavior.

  4. #14
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    Really, it makes a huge difference whether you double dipped a chip, or whether you called Grandma a bad name. We don't know whether you should apologize or the family is nuts and you will be dodging a bullet if you end your relationship.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok Ok...💃 she started dancing nude on the living room table screaming "you all suck!".😝 Then ran out the door, kicked the dog🐕 on the way to stealing their car🚗 and crashing it into a convenience store🏧 and telling the cops they "made her" do it.👮🤷

  7. #16
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Ok Ok...💃 she started dancing nude on the living room table screaming "you all suck!".😝 Then ran out the door, kicked the dog🐕 on the way to stealing their car🚗 and crashing it into a convenience store🏧 and telling the cops they "made her" do it.👮🤷
    Are you not supposed to do that? No wonder my family doesn't like my partner!

  8. #17
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    That sure is some visual Wise. LMAO.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Hahahahahaha. That literally made me laugh out loud.

  10. #19
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    You know whatever it is that you did they didn't like.

    Step one: have you apologized? If not do that.

    As for whether you should go to Christmas with them, it depends. How long of a commitment is this? If you have to get a on a plane & will be stuck there, don't go. Do send a lovely family group gift like a holiday center piece flower arrangement; a huge box of upscale candy; some kind of food tower from a company like Harry & David. If you chose to attend, get a hotel room near by; do not stay with this people. You may need an escape.

    If you can drive there in a reasonable amount of time, go. Show up in your own car. Be gracious & warm & most of all contrite. Leave early & send a hand written thank you note by mail / post the next day to the hosts & to everyone who got you a gift. You should have something for everyone in attendance even if you get them something little (< $10). You need to grovel & curry favor since you admit you were in the wrong.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Speaking only for myself, I view holidays as a feel GOOD time with loved ones rather than a time for running an agenda. Not everything is about ME. So I'd skip causing even more resentment from those who already resent me by avoiding a crash-in on their holiday.

    I'd tell BF that I adore him, and he's welcome to come and visit me with my family if he'd like, but I don't view an invitation to anyone else's home something that he's positioned to extend. Should a member of the host household wish to extend an invitation directly to me of their own accord, I will be happy to consider it. Otherwise, let's just enjoy our time together before the holidays for what it is, and let's see whether things shake out in our favor on that day, or not. If not, let's plan our own private celebration at an opportune time on our own.

    If BF is not okay with this, I'd question how much respect he has for my feelings--and those of his family. I'd prefer to learn whether our relationship really has legs before putting myself through the hardship of trying to force a fit with his resistant family.

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