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Thread: Good first date, slow contact afterwards, advice?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    It sounds like you were starting to make her feel uncomfortable with too much kissing and touching.
    I thought this as well.

    When you described the date positively it was all about what she’d “let” you do physically, rather than what you found compelling about her personhood, with the questions surrounding where she tapped the breaks. All that is fun and critical in romance, of course, but if it’s the only point or the main gauge—well, that will limit your pool to people who want to get naked with strangers. People who want to get naked with people will want to get to know a person first.

    That’s not me saying you’re some hound dog, as you sound kind and sensitive, but just saying that all that is kind of the icing. Bake the cake first.

  2. #12
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    Back off. Too much, too fast.

    One test would have been sufficient. You are coming off needy.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Back off. Too much, too fast.

    One test would have been sufficient. You are coming off needy.
    I understand that, I want her to pursue some too, im just going to wait on her to reach out to me. If i dint hear anything in a day or 2 I will send out a quick test saying " hey, i hope youre doing well" is that good?

  4. #14
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    This might just be me, but when I tell someone to text me when they made it home safely, I don't want a phone call...

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by 2005TAHOE
    I understand that, I want her to pursue some too, im just going to wait on her to reach out to me. If i dint hear anything in a day or 2 I will send out a quick test saying " hey, i hope youre doing well" is that good?
    Why won't you ask her for another date? "Hey, I hope you're doing well" is totally lame. And it won't get you a second date.

    Ask her! Oh, and not via text, BTW. Also lame. Call her and ask her on a date.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sounds good. Then leave it and give her time to get back to you. No do not send that preemptive shoot-down if she doesn't respond in 48 hrs. It's weak, weird and manipulative. Who cares? One date...you're not exclusive.
    Originally Posted by 2005TAHOE
    So, i thought about sending this now. "good morning, I hope you had a good night. I had a good time saturday night and would love to see you again. WHen are you free?"

  8. #17
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Think of it like this:

    You and I—two dudes—sit next to each other at a basketball game and make some engaging small talk. You dig me, as a human, and want to hang out again. Are you freaking out about 48 hour rules, and so on? No. You're hitting me up to see if I want to play cards on Friday, not too worried about the whole thing. You're a person, I'm a person, you're into hanging again, end scene.

    This—by which I mean connecting with anyone—should be similar. Not the same—it's a bit spicier—but similar, especially at this stage. Be a confident person, not a cagey chess master, and treat her as a person, not mysterious maze with lips you want to kiss again to christen your forever story. Wherever this goes, that already puts you in the winner's circle.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 2005TAHOE
    I understand that, I want her to pursue some too, im just going to wait on her to reach out to me. If i dint hear anything in a day or 2 I will send out a quick test saying " hey, i hope youre doing well" is that good?
    Yeash, stop trying to sabotage yourself. Just ask her for another date and wait on her to respond. Either she'll say yes or no.

    Don't play games, don't shaite test people because all you do is set yourself up to fail with that. After just a one date, she has no reason to pursue you. In fact, most women expect YOU to show concrete interest, aka arrange date #2. If you don't do it or just text her/call her and keep chatting but no action, she'll just assume you are full of hot air and move on.

    Also, take it easy on Mr. TentacleHands. She removed your hands - that was a very clear no thanks. Take the not so subtle hint and be more respectful of her space. She shouldn't have to do it more than once for you to get a clue.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sounds good. Then leave it and give her time to get back to you. No do not send that preemptive shoot-down if she doesn't respond in 48 hrs. It's weak, weird and manipulative. Who cares? One date...you're not exclusive.
    I did this, I sent "hey there! Its been crazy at work this morning, how are you doing?" then if she responds then I will ask her out again

  11. #20
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    So you opted for a game. Cool, but own it.

    Women with kids, who are healthy, have very little patience for men who play games. Something to think about.

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