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Thread: Are these texts from my ex "breadcrumbs" or do they mean more? Coming back?

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    Are these texts from my ex "breadcrumbs" or do they mean more? Coming back?

    We're both 20, lasted ~7 months and I was her first love. She was co-dependent and I never thought she'd leave. She moved in with me about 2 months in because of difficult times. We expected her to move out when she got back on her feet but we both got so comfortable and lived together for the rest of the relationship. We both had our problems and it was an extremely toxic relationship. We'd fight constantly and probably ever only had 3-5 days of peace, tops. I tried breaking up with her probably a dozen times only to cave in when she'd beg me to keep her.

    2 days ago we had a nasty argument and it looks like it was our last. Things came to a peak and it was a mutual break up, but more her decision than mine. Because she had to physically move out of my place. It was a good reason: we can't stop fighting and it's damaging both of us. But ultimately she made the decision to get all her things and go back to her family in her hometown an hour away.
    I went immediate NC/block social media and she still texted me first thing the next morning saying how much she missed me. When I didn't reply, she sent a bunch of "breadcrumbs" saying how much she hopes to see me again one day, will wait for me forever, love you etc. I ignored that too and she called me TWENTY times and left voicemails asking to call back.

    The next morning (this morning) she texted she couldn't handle it, couldn't breathe, eat or sleep. I snapped and ended up talking to her on the phone. I asked what she wanted to do. She said get a bus ticket up to my place and meet me. Ten minutes after our call she then texted she'd have to do it tomorrow because she couldn't breathe and felt like fainting. I thought she was playing games and said today or not at all. She then basically said wish you the best (I take that as goodbye). I sent a message back saying we have to move on for the best but I'd still like to see her again one day. I blocked her after sending the message but relented a few hours later and unblocked. A few minutes after being unblocked I got a message saying she loved me. Are these texts just breadcrumbs or does it sound like she'll come back?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Have you two received counseling for your relationship issues?

    What makes you think you'll stop the constant fighting?

    Are you attracted to "drama" relationships? Do you find it exciting to fight and then have intense make up sex? Do extreme ups and downs make you feel alert and alive?

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    Could be either breadcrumbs, and she got some validation from your response, or a toe in the water because she wants to keep you on the hook. Could be she is testing you to see how you react to her moving out. Could be something else, though.

    Why do you say she was co-dependent? Is she bi-polar?

    It is difficult to understand how you can say the relationship is extremely toxic, and then say you were both "so comfortable".

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Good grief, all the drama...you can solve most of it by blocking and deleting her completely from being able to contact you. That means on your phone as well as social media. Why havent you done this?

    If she's feeling like she cant breathe, she needs medical care, and not hassling you. Stop communicating with her in any way and you will begin to feel better.

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    @boltnrun

    -- She's wanted counselling for her depression issues. That itself has caused a lot of arguments because she'll get into moods etc. But we just get so comfortable and unmotivated living together that she'll blow off counselling sessions because she's busy with me. As for me I'm going to counselling for MYSELF regardless if we get back or not. If we do get back then I'd make sure we both went to couples therapy.

    -- Couples therapy and we'll have to live in separate homes for space. That's the only way for now.

    -- Hell no. I hate drama. I've always thought make up sex was stupid and intensely unhealthy. And no to the last question. So it's ironic that I really want to hold on to this relationship...


    It started out with just HER being co-dependent. I took her on because I'm in a new country and was isolated with no friends. It's been really hard meeting people the same age because I'm not in school anymore. I was at an extremely low, desperate point when we met. Incredibly lonely and almost suicidal. BUT STILL I could've taken or left the relationship the first few months, I was her first love but she wasn't mine. Slowly, gradually it shifted into me being co-dependant on her too. Now that we're broken up I feel worse off now than I did before I met her. I also really miss her company and our memories.

    But to answer the question--Under the circumstances, are these "breadcrumb" texts or does it sound like she'll crack soon and want to come back?

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    I think you need to look up the word co dependence, as it does not apply to her, but to you.

    This relationship was highly dysfunctional. I think you need to address what attracts you to this type of mess.


    You need to block and delete her. I also suggest therapy for you.

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    "We both had our problems and it was an extremely toxic relationship. We'd fight constantly and probably ever only had 3-5 days of peace, tops." What makes this attractive to you?

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    I knew I'd become co-dependant on her too towards the end. Read my post above yours about being isolated. That answers everything.

    Maybe she's not as co-dependant now, but she was 100% the dictionary definition of a "co-dependant" earlier in our relationship. She couldn't function without me before. She'd cry, beg, make ridiculous compromises AND MORE just to be with me. Even though I want her back, I wouldn't do any of those things to get her back and I never will.

    She didn't leave easily when we broke up. It wasn't just the argument that did it (though that and our constant arguing was a bigggg factor), but I actually had done something bad that was the final straw. I'll leave it at that because I'm not going to say what it was.

    One part of me thinks because of her texts/calls she can't be so bothered by it that she'll never see me again. But another part of me thinks she would've never packed ALL her stuff and left my place for more than a day if she wasn't serious about ending this for good???

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    Originally Posted by newguy6802
    but I actually had done something bad that was the final straw. I'll leave it at that because I'm not going to say what it was.
    That basically makes it impossible to answer your question, because it is a critical piece of information with respect to formulating a reasoned and logical view about her motives for continually contacting you.

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    Originally Posted by newguy6802
    I knew I'd become co-dependant on her too towards the end. Read my post above yours about being isolated. That answers everything.

    Maybe she's not as co-dependant now, but she was 100% the dictionary definition of a "co-dependant" earlier in our relationship. She couldn't function without me before. She'd cry, beg, make ridiculous compromises AND MORE just to be with me. Even though I want her back, I wouldn't do any of those things to get her back and I never will.

    She didn't leave easily when we broke up. It wasn't just the argument that did it (though that and our constant arguing was a bigggg factor), but I actually had done something bad that was the final straw. I'll leave it at that because I'm not going to say what it was.

    One part of me thinks because of her texts/calls she can't be so bothered by it that she'll never see me again. But another part of me thinks she would've never packed ALL her stuff and left my place for more than a day if she wasn't serious about ending this for good???
    You are talking about being needy and insecure. She does not sound co dependent. You staying with someone like this and enabling the behavior is co dependent.

    What does it matter. your relationship was not good or healthy.

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