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Thread: Hoping for a reconciliation

  1. #11
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Carus
    Well it's definitely possible and in fact, the length of time apart is actually in your favour here (Bataya will back me on this :) )

    Sounds like it's going ok. Just continue to have fun meetups and don't try to pressure or force anything. If it's going to come back together it will do so easily and organically...

    A caveat though: I don't think you should be having too high expectations at this stage otherwise yes you could be setting yourself up for another round of rejection/pain. Perhaps just see it as catching up with someone you care about....People are so afraid of the dreaded 'friendzone' but it's probably a good place to start...

    As for him having a GF, that may be something you will need to find out asap as it could steer the course of how you proceed....Just be honest and ask him yeh?

    I seem to have a habit of posting on threads that don't go much further, but I'd love to hear how it works out for you.....

    All The Best

    Carus*
    Carus gives some great advice!
    I agree with him - you need to find out about the partner situation asap.
    Just be straight up and ask him.
    Can you be friends with him if he's got someone else? Will that damage you in any way?

    Good luck with your pursuits!

  2. #12
    Well he did reply to me on Thursday in the end, I just get panicky and overthink everything.

    Weíve had a couple of longish text conversations since then. Hopefully meeting for lunch next Monday but heís really busy with it being Christmas so trying to organise anything at the weekend is proving impossible so itíll most likely be after Christmas before we get any proper length of time together.

    I will ask him about the partner situation when I next see him as I think itís something better discussed face to face. I donít find text message conversations that great, itís easy to ignore things youíve been asked and so easy to read into things too much.

    He generally always seems quite keen to message me (apart from last week!) he definitely was quieter with me after we last met but I donít know if thatís because he has a lot on at the moment. Iím just trying not to rush into things and have time to get know each other again before I start talking about more serious things. Iím worried if I leap in there too soon Iíll scare him off but you can never really know what someone else is thinking! He is glad weíre back in contact but I think itís all just taken him by surprise so Iím giving him time to get used to it all.

    I think if he was totally fed up with me he wouldnít keep messaging me so Iím taking it as positive that heís taking the time to chat to me. I know I canít expect too much too soon but itís difficult.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    He hasnít said anything to me about having a girlfriend but Iím sure he has.
    Don't you think it would be a good idea to find out if he has a boyfriend and do it before
    I really want us to meet up again and am going to see if I can arrange a longer meeting next week.
    You are wanting do over with a guy that you don't even know is single. To continue on pursuing him when he may be in a relationship is not only detrimental to your own emotional health but it's also a crappy thing to be doing on any partner he may have when you're goal clearly isn't platonic friendship.

    If you say you just want to be friends if you can't be in a romantic relationship then you're just lying to yourself because you already sound far too keen to be with him romantically.

    I will ask him about the partner situation when I next see him
    Uhm, no don't do that, instead ask him during text next time HE initiates. Keep yourself away from him until you know he's available to be seen is my advice.

    I think itís something better discussed face to face. I donít find text message conversations that great, itís easy to ignore things youíve been asked and so easy to read into things too much.
    Normally I would agree with you but a simple. "BTW, do you have a girlfriend or otherwise in a relationship? I forgot to ask you that last time we talked" will require either a yes or a no and will give you what you need to either proceed or fade.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Nobody is that busy. He may sense your loneliness and that you want to get together. However he doesn't sound that keen on reconciling. Stop all the text discussions. He could be texting from his gf's bathroom. Stop.
    Originally Posted by Lovelife19
    heís really busy

    I donít find text message conversations that great

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  6. #15
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Don't you think it would be a good idea to find out if he has a boyfriend and do it before You are wanting do over with a guy that you don't even know is single. To continue on pursuing him when he may be in a relationship is not only detrimental to your own emotional health but it's also a crappy thing to be doing on any partner he may have when you're goal clearly isn't platonic friendship.

    If you say you just want to be friends if you can't be in a romantic relationship then you're just lying to yourself because you already sound far too keen to be with him romantically.

    Uhm, no don't do that, instead ask him during text next time HE initiates. Keep yourself away from him until you know he's available to be seen is my advice.

    Normally I would agree with you but a simple. "BTW, do you have a girlfriend or otherwise in a relationship? I forgot to ask you that last time we talked" will require either a yes or a no and will give you what you need to either proceed or fade.
    Great advice here!
    Let HIM initiate the conversation.
    Then ask him about his relationship status.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    lolzzz Its just been pointed out that I said "see if he has a boyfriend" instead of "see if he has a girlfriend" I best start using the non binary "they" and "partner!"

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