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Thread: I didn't feel anything when he kissed me

  1. #1

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    I didn't feel anything when he kissed me

    I honestly just want to cry. I'm 18 and have never been in a relationship with anyone. Last night I went on a date with a guy and we ended up at his place and cuddled a bit. After a while he leaned in for a kiss and I stopped him because I had never been kissed before and I got really nervous. He was understanding but he still was kind of persistent repeating how much he wanted to kiss me. So the next morning I just let him and I didn't feel anything, I didn't enjoy it. He obviously also wanted sex which I definitely didn't let him. But I got slightly weirded out by him telling me that I made him horny which I understand some girls might like but it made me uncomfortable. I maybe should've told him but I didn't know how. I also have trust issues which might be the reason I feel the way I feel, but I slightly feel manipulated and I'm scared that he only wants me for sex. I just have a very hard time trusting guys and after this whole experience I'm not even sure if I'm attracted to him. Another problem I've had since forever is my sexuality. I've always been between straight, bi and asexual. But I also thought that my feelings of asexuality were depression induced because they weren't very consistent. But I don't know. Does this indicate that I may actually be asexual? I just prefer cuddling and small kisses over making out and sex. I apologize for the amount of rambling, but thank you!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You'll just find out in time on your own. Don't rush things. It's not worth cracking your skull over what label you are right now. You figure out life first and then look back and see what label bests suits you if you like them so much. Now isn't the time to categorize yourself. Do you, love you.

    This person seems very selfish and self-centered. Most people dating at a young age are one track minded so take things in stride. He may not be a bad person overall but his behaviour has shown you that he's not very sensitive to you. You may also be putting out a lot of confusing signals. Don't go over to your date's house at all next time if you're not up for cuddling and some affection. People generally assume you're up for some intimacy when you go over to their place or invite someone over. If you want to spend time with someone, do it hanging out and enjoying different activities. Get to know someone first and take your time.

  3. #3
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    Going over to someone's place suggests you're wanting sex or something along those lines. Stay out of bedrooms and houses and keep your activities in public.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you are not attracted and have no chemistry with him. He sounds a bit creepy. Tell him to buzz off. Having one bad experience with a pushy creep doesn't make you asexual or bisexual. Just turned off, understandably. Date nicer guys and go at your own pace.
    Originally Posted by Amy1992
    the next morning I just let him and I didn't feel anything, I didn't enjoy it. He obviously also wanted sex which I definitely didn't let him. I've always been between straight, bi and asexual.

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  6. #5
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    Amy don't be in a hurry to have experiences , don't push yourself or find yourself in situations that you are not 100% sure you want to be in .

  7. #6
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    It's not safe to have a first date be at his place AND to be overnight. Please be more careful. Some people are dangerous and will do things you don't want you to do even if you say "no".

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    First you say you'd never been kissed before, before this date, and then later you say you prefer small kisses. Which is the case?

    You're not in a good headspace to date right now. For one thing, you're carrying around toxic baggage with trust issues, so either seek therapy or read books on getting rid of emotional baggage.

    You haven't learned to make wise dating decisions. Never go to a guy's place until you're ready to have sex, since hormones sometimes run wild and you might get carried away and be intimate before you're mentally ready. Plus, as other posters have said, it's plain unsafe, because you really don't know the guy that well.

    Since you're unclear about your sexual preferences and dating is causing you such anxiety right now, concentrate on friendships and continuing education and a career. Everyone has different timelines of when they are ready for romantic relationships, and you're clearly not ready for any of that right now, and that's okay.

    You say you suffer from depression, so until you get that under control, you won't be a good partner to anyone. Just like they say on airplanes, put your own oxygen mask on first, otherwise, you won't be any good to anyone else.

  9. #8
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    First of all, in all my many years I have yet to "feel" anything when kissed other than someone's lips on mine or, sadly, a wet face (the worst). Don't buy into the Hollywood version of what a kiss should be. Kissing just isn't that great on it's own - no stars bursting in air, no earth shaking, no waking up from a coma.

    Don't worry about your sexuality. You don't need a label. Just enjoy being you and if you find love with a girl or guy, just enjoy it.

    My motherly advice is, don't have sex with anyone unless YOU'RE really into it. Never, ever have pity sex with someone. It'll always be bad. Really bad. And you'll end up hating the guy and yourself for having done it.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    A first date is about going OUT together, not making out or overnighting. You're putting too much pressure on yourself, and this guy isn't helping. I'd meet him in public places, and if he's not okay with that, he's the wrong guy.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Time for the mom talk. Since you are new to this and want a more comfortable experience, you need to be in charge of the date. OK first off....first date you don't be going over to the man's place. When they invite you, sex is what they are looking for, cut him off,and don't go out with him again. He won't be worth your time. Staying the night? If you are not going to have sex with them, you do not sleep in their bed! Cuddling over night is for 15 year olds, you are a woman now dating as an adult. Stop doing that! OK here is what you do....make sure they take you OUT on dates, and not invite to netflix and chill. After a first date a hug is nice only IF you are interested in seeing him again. If you don't like his advances, say so. You do not have to comply. When you get home thank him for the date and hope he asks you out again. If you don't want to see him again, politely decline his request for a second date. If a man has any real intention of being serious with you, he will be patient and want to spend time getting to know you and not be rolling over in the morning with a woodie expecting sex only after meeting you the night before. Never ever put yourself in that position AND you call the shots. If you don't want him touching you or making advances you can say no and leave. Don't get sucked in with their apologies and oh he will be a gentleman...no he's frickin pacifying you in hopes you will let your guard down.

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