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Thread: Guy Iím dating asked to meet my son

  1. #41
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    I just feel really depressed about the situation, and so stupid. Iím so tired of dating.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mayflower165
    I just feel really depressed about the situation, and so stupid. Iím so tired of dating.
    Take breaks from dating whenever you need them, but don't sentence yourself to any proclamations about 'forever'. This will allow you to refresh and gain clearer vision to screen out bad matches early.

    Don't dabble is 'casual'. It's another term for "I don't know what I want," and it catches people up in messy and discouraging scenarios.

    Get clarity about what you want, then state that up front when you meet people. Learn whether they are just as clear about what they want from dating, and whether or not their vision matches your agenda. If not, skip them and move on to meet other people.

    Quick coffee meets are an effective way of screening BEFORE dating. Use dating apps to set up quick coffees with people on your way home from work. Send 15 to 30 minutes checking one another out with an agreement that neither can corner the other for a 'real' date on the spot, but either can invite the other afterward. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and if not, no response is necessary.

    This takes exhausting dating and rejections off the table. It allows you to screen people at face value to discover whether there's potential for chemistry. If not, you won't waste your time on full dates with people who you can tell in 5 minutes aren't for you.

    Head high, we all live and learn that most people are NOT our match. It's a needle in the haystack thing. Too much time on bad matches is discouraging, so learn how to screen carefully, and it will change your whole dating experience while allowing room to find true simpatico.

    If love were not rare, what would be so special about it?

  3. #43
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Mayflower. In 2017 you wrote:

    "I have been using online dating for over 5 years and Iím still single! "

    And here we are end of 2019 and you say:

    "Iím so tired of dating." So, we are looking at seven years.

    You know what they say about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

    What do YOU think you should do at this juncture?

  4. #44
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    Honestly, Iím emotionally drained. As I reflect and look back on my personal life as a child and my dating history, I realize the problem is me. I hold on to men for too long that I shouldíve let go of. Iíve had a warped understanding of love. I mistake being ignored and going through a tough time with a guy with love. Iíve always been the ďgo with a flow type of girl, afraid to speak up for myselfĒ I know this stems from my childhood, and the way I was raised. I believe I also suffer from a bit of PTSD. Iíve never told anyone, but my sons father sexually assaulted me and I became pregnant. Thatís something Iíve also been sweeping under the rug for years. That alone makes me feel worthless, and unloveable. Especially seeing how other women have got it all so easily. One guy they have to date and then boom itís instant love. Whereas me, I have been doing this for seven years. Still canít find love.

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Aaahh Mayflower. Not so. L.

    "One guy they have to date and then boom itís instant love"

    That scenario would be most unhealthy. No such thing as instant love. And I can guarantee no one has it easy. Appearances are very deceptive.

    I am so sorry to read of the awful experiences you had in the past.

    Often the harder you look for something the more elusive it is. Or, maybe looking in entirely the wrong places. Love cannot be brought down with a left and a right like a bird.

    I cringe at that expression (I hear it sometimes here in real life too among people), "Go with the flow". I have been known to tartly respond "Yes, like sheep following each other through a gap".

    Your first step is get support so you stop feeling worthless and unlovable. You are neither. But you need to hear it, all the time, there on the ground where you are.

  7. #46
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    Thank you, I decided that Iím going to start going to therapy. Hopefully it helps me out

  8. #47
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mayflower165
    Honestly, Iím emotionally drained. As I reflect and look back on my personal life as a child and my dating history, I realize the problem is me. I hold on to men for too long that I shouldíve let go of. Iíve had a warped understanding of love. I mistake being ignored and going through a tough time with a guy with love. Iíve always been the ďgo with a flow type of girl, afraid to speak up for myselfĒ I know this stems from my childhood, and the way I was raised. I believe I also suffer from a bit of PTSD. Iíve never told anyone, but my sons father sexually assaulted me and I became pregnant. Thatís something Iíve also been sweeping under the rug for years. That alone makes me feel worthless, and unloveable. Especially seeing how other women have got it all so easily. One guy they have to date and then boom itís instant love. Whereas me, I have been doing this for seven years. Still canít find love.
    Just want to say that I love this post. You're hurt and confused right now, I know, and for that I'm sorry, as I'm sorry for what you've been through. But in these words I see something that has been missing from past posts: you. Layers of strength and tenderness, of longing and resilience, of a unique set of experiences that have made you, well, awesomely unique. This is the gold to mineóand, with the right person, a the right time, to share.

    But it seems, right now, you're realizing you need to do some self-mining first. That is fabulous. It's kind of the difference between trying to get in shape by hanging out with someone who is super fit vs doing lots of pushups and jumping jacks. Do the latter and something odd happens: you naturally start gravitating toward the fitter people and away from the slouches who only look good if you squint hard enough. I'm putting this in surface-level terms to make a point about the glories that exist beneath the surface.

    There is so much to celebrate in your post above, once harnessed, by which I mean once you start celebrating it. Find that toehold and men are simple: they can either celebrate it alongside you, or not. Instead of those being verdicts on you they become facts about the universe. Not everyone will be able to celebrate you as you needóas you doówhich is okay. The point is finding the ones who can.

  9. #48
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    Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. When I look at it from a different view I am pretty resilient. I know that thereís work I need to do on myself as well.

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