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Guy I’m dating asked to meet my son


mayflower165

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I have been dating a guy for about 3 months. Things appear to have been going well. Although it’s only been 3 months of dating, he’s invited me to an out of state event 7 months into the future. On our last date he said he mentioned twice that he would like to meet my son. Is that a sign of him being serious about a relationship with me?

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I have been dating a guy for about 3 months. Things appear to have been going well. Although it’s only been 3 months of dating, he’s invited me to an out of state event 7 months into the future. On our last date he said he mentioned twice that he would like to meet my son. Is that a sign of him being serious about a relationship with me?

 

How about you tell him that you would love to introduce your son to him and that after that out of state event in 7 months time sounds like a good time to do it.

 

His suggestion of meeting your son could be genuine or not.

But would you really introduce you son to him now? In the hope that you guys might actually still be dating in 7 months time?

You should never introduce your son to anyone until well after the honeymoon phase which really is 9-12 months.

 

Is it a sign of him being interested in a serious relationship with you? No!

He doesn’t know you well enough yet. He likely has dated girls for 12 weeks who didn’t have kids and relationship failed 6-12 months in!

 

If he is genuine he will be more interested in getting to know you and have the patience to meet you son later.

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Why did he say he wants to meet your son? Was it said casually..."Your son sounds like a great kid, I'd like to meet him sometime!" Or was it said more like this..."I think it's time I meet your son"?

 

This.

 

You didn’t ask us if it’s safe or a good idea...you asked us if it means he wants a relationship...

 

Ignoring the desperation that kinda seems to be disregarding your sons wellbeing... I think we need more info before giving a definitive answer.

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I have been dating a guy for about 3 months. Things appear to have been going well. Although it’s only been 3 months of dating, he’s invited me to an out of state event 7 months into the future. On our last date he said he mentioned twice that he would like to meet my son. Is that a sign of him being serious about a relationship with me?

 

I think the more pressing question is - does he deserve to meet your son. If you're questioning how serious the relationship is, don't introduce him to your child.

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Go at your own pace. Do not let anyone fast-forward things with future-talk. He may be saying things to make things sound more solid than they are after 12 weeks of dating. You'll have to wait and observe things, talk is cheap.

I have been dating a guy for about 3 months. On our last date he said he mentioned twice that he would like to meet my son.
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12 weeks is too soon to meet your kid. You don't know if you will get to the six month mark yet, JMHO. I would hold of for as long as possible. see how things feel after you have dated a year. He is pushing too hard, or he mentioned it again because you did not answer him. I would say "i would like us to continue to get to know eachother better." and leave it at that.

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I'd say it's wise to separate his interest with meeting your son with the question of his intentions with you. Instead, I'd focus on what you want, both in terms of the relationship and the pacing of it, including when you think it's right for him (or any man) to meet your son and in what context. In other words, best to not make your child a gauge or test for someone else's feelings about you.

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Never make major decisions in the honeymoon period. It's not reality. Talk is cheap until proven otherwise. Making plans way ahead of time really means nothing. Even if his intentions right now are to continue on with you indefinitely, there are psychological stages you both have to get through as you move from the honeymoon period. It's a make or break time where the highs settle into a more mellow stage of growing reality.

 

You can only take a day by day, wait and see attitude, learning if you're both compatible and who you want as a lifetime partner, seeing if he continues to put in the effort it takes to build a beautiful relationship.

 

Kids don't need to get attached to people who will leave their lives as quickly as they entered. Let him know you'll inform him when you think the time is right for that to happen. You're not even exclusive. I'm assuming you're sharing the gift of your body with him. Are you okay with with non-exclusivity at this point, both free to date others? If not, maybe you should broach the subject since you seem into him enough to ask if he's serious about you.

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Timing for meeting kids from a broken home or a parent who has passed is supposed to be about what's best for the child, not the adult.

 

When a child has had the rug pulled out from under them, a parent's priority is to create stability for them, not show them off to new dates.

 

I'd skip that idea, and I'd question this guy's judgment. It's not great.

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It's alarming that the guy whom you've been dating is too eager to be introduced to your son and continues to pester you to become acquainted with your son. Beware. Not that he's a child rapist or child molester but just keep in mind, crimes against children usually are committed by whom the child knows such as a family friend, relative, neighbor, "trusted" adult, authoritative figure and the like. It's 1:1 when there are no witnesses.

 

As a mother, always make sure your radar is up and ALWAYS protect your child. No one has your child's back accept YOU. Safety is tantamount.

 

The guy you're dating is a huge red flag. Listen to your gut instincts and intuition because it's always right. If anyone doesn't ring true to you, they aren't. I wouldn't trust him if I were you. I'd run for the hills and take your kid with you!

 

He sounds creepy.

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It's alarming that the guy whom you've been dating is too eager to be introduced to your son and continues to pester you to become acquainted with your son. Beware. Not that he's a child rapist or child molester but just keep in mind, crimes against children usually are committed by whom the child knows such as a family friend, relative, neighbor, "trusted" adult, authoritative figure and the like. It's 1:1 when there are no witnesses.

 

As a mother, always make sure your radar is up and ALWAYS protect your child. No one has your child's back accept YOU. Safety is tantamount.

 

The guy you're dating is a huge red flag. Listen to your gut instincts and intuition because it's always right. If anyone doesn't ring true to you, they aren't. I wouldn't trust him if I were you. I'd run for the hills and take your kid with you!

 

He sounds creepy.

 

The guy doesn't need to be 'unsafe' to have a harmful impact on your child. Kids don't 'get' dating, they form bonds quickly. So introducing him to someone you haven't tested and approved on your own, and over enough t.i.m.e. to learn whether someone is worthy of becoming a permanent fixture in your life, is positioning your kid to suffer another loss in his young life.

 

And for what, some pushy-date's amusement?

 

When kids suffer losses, the last thing in the world to heap onto that is a lesson that relationships are disposable. Skip that. You're not just dating for yourself, you're dating to find the best and most stable influence for both you and your child's future. Someone who is pushy and apparently holds no regard for rational reservations doesn't sound like a great match for that.

 

Examine your agenda and adjust it through the lens of good parenting rather than a desperation that would allow someone else to future-talk you into using lousy judgment on your child's behalf.

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The guy doesn't need to be 'unsafe' to have a harmful impact on your child. Kids don't 'get' dating, they form bonds quickly. So introducing him to someone you haven't tested and approved on your own, and over enough t.i.m.e. to learn whether someone is worthy of becoming a permanent fixture in your life, is positioning your kid to suffer another loss in his young life.

 

And for what, some pushy-date's amusement?

 

When kids suffer losses, the last thing in the world to heap onto that is a lesson that relationships are disposable. Skip that. You're not just dating for yourself, you're dating to find the best and most stable influence for both you and your child's future. Someone who is pushy and apparently holds no regard for rational reservations doesn't sound like a great match for that.

 

Examine your agenda and adjust it through the lens of good parenting rather than a desperation that would allow someone else to future-talk you into using lousy judgment on your child's behalf.

 

I agree, the guy doesn't have to be unsafe. I was merely putting the bug in Mayflower165's ear.

 

This dating guy of 3 months doesn't sound normal which is a red flag IMHO.

 

Either insist upon taking things slower with this guy or breakup.

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Do we know this man has been remotely pushy?

 

I mean, sure, if he's angling aggressively for face time with the kiddo after 90 days—yes, red flags fluttering. But we've gotten nothing to even hint at that. If OP is chatting with dude about her son's t-ball game, say, and dude says something like, "Sounds like a cool kid—hope to meet him," I'm not sure that's skull-and-crossbones territory.

 

Just think some more context could go a long way here. As it stands, OP's main concern is trying to learn more about what this guy's intentions are. A common enough conundrum at 3 months. I'd say the best route there is a series of adult conversations (about feelings, about personal boundaries) that don't bring a child into it one way or another. Whether he or any man meets her son next month or next year, it shouldn't be part of a test.

 

Dating with kids is tricky. Dating someone with a kid can be a tricky. Dating people who are a passive and skittish is tricky. Could be that he's creepy. Could be that he's been kind of suspicious or semi-present these past 90 days. Could be that he, like OP, is a little skittish about expressing himself, and hiccuped a "I'd like to meet you son" because he's as scared of scaring her off as she is of scaring him.

 

Only OP knows this guy, how things have felt, what she feels in her gut. In her shoes I'd see this moment as a "sign" that it's time to have an adult check-in about where things stand, and a little check-in with herself about how she feels about him and what she wants romance and motherhood to look like so she can express that, be it to him or someone else.

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Do we know this man has been remotely pushy?

 

I mean, sure, if he's angling aggressively for face time with the kiddo after 90 days—yes, red flags fluttering. But we've gotten nothing to even hint at that. If OP is chatting with dude about her son's t-ball game, say, and dude says something like, "Sounds like a cool kid—hope to meet him," I'm not sure that's skull-and-crossbones territory.

 

Just think some more context could go a long way here. As it stands, OP's main concern is trying to learn more about what this guy's intentions are. A common enough conundrum at 3 months. I'd say the best route there is a series of adult conversations (about feelings, about personal boundaries) that don't bring a child into it one way or another. Whether he or any man meets her son next month or next year, it shouldn't be part of a test.

 

Dating with kids is tricky. Dating someone with a kid can be a tricky. Dating people who are a passive and skittish is tricky. Could be that he's creepy. Could be that he's been kind of suspicious or semi-present these past 90 days. Could be that he, like OP, is a little skittish about expressing himself, and hiccuped a "I'd like to meet you son" because he's as scared of scaring her off as she is of scaring him.

 

Only OP knows this guy, how things have felt, what she feels in her gut. In her shoes I'd see this moment as a "sign" that it's time to have an adult check-in about where things stand, and a little check-in with herself about how she feels about him and what she wants romance and motherhood to look like so she can express that, be it to him or someone else.

 

While the goal isn't to villainize the guy, it doesn't require much context to establish private road rules for protecting one's kids while dating. Those don't need to be complex, they just need to be clear, and stating them to dates early and matter-of-factly keeps the focus on the adults with zero confusion.

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While the goal isn't to villainize the guy, it doesn't require much context to establish private road rules for protecting one's kids while dating. Those don't need to be complex, they just need to be clear, and stating them to dates early and matter-of-factly keeps the focus on the adults with zero confusion.

 

Could not agree more. My girlfriend has a child, and I knew the whole deal after two dates. She had her rules, which struck me, and continue to strike me 11 months later, as very sound ones.

 

Giving this guy the benefit of the doubt, I can imagine it would be hard to know how to even talk about the kid if there aren't some guidelines laid out by the parent, just like at 3 months it's hard to talk about where things stand if everyone is reading between the lines instead of using their words.

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While the goal isn't to villainize the guy, it doesn't require much context to establish private road rules for protecting one's kids while dating. Those don't need to be complex, they just need to be clear, and stating them to dates early and matter-of-factly keeps the focus on the adults with zero confusion.

 

False.

 

Context is everything.

 

As noted. The OPer said nothing of her concern for her child. Her focus was on whether or not he wanted a relationship.

 

Which begs the question how was this request phrased.

 

There is a humongous gap between “ oh you have a son that’s awesome, I’d love to meet him one day”

 

Vs

 

*heavy breathing while reading Hansel and Gretel* “ you have a son do you? I must meet him, as soon as possible” *que evil laugh*

 

You are most definitely villainizing the poor guy.

 

Like blue mentioned it’s precarious dating someone with children, at three months while meeting shouldn’t be a priority, bringing them up casually in conversation would be not only normal but expected.

 

He: hey so you wanna run and grab some ice cream.

She: I can’t I have my kids this afternoon.

He: oh ok, that’s awesome what are your plans?

She: oh we’re headed to a ball game little Johnny loves baseball.

He: does he? That’s awesome, I do too, maybe we can all go to a game.

 

That’s discussing ones child in a natural way, assuming it means bring me your child so that I may emotionally scar them... bit of a stretch.

 

At the end of the day, and again I’m not under the impression he is pressuring her, at the end of the day it is not my responsibility to ensure my date is raising their child to my personal standards. I am my child’s keeper. No matter what they suggest, it’s my responsibility to make that judgement call.

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Is he interested in a serious relationship with you? It sounds more like he's interested in your son and you need to be smarter than this.

 

How old is your son?

 

Your sons safety comes first and foremost. If it were me, I would be dumping this guy asap and not look back. It is plain WEIRD that he asked twice to meet your child and alarm bells should be going off in your head.

 

Do not let him meet him.

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I'm sorry but I don't give a damn if it villianizes anyone.

 

This is a child and what matters is that she puts his safety first. Make very strong boundaries concerning your child. Do not let any stranger meet him. (and yes, at 3 months he is very much still a stranger).

 

Minimum 6 months to a year before children are introduced. And even then, keep your boyfriend at arms length from your child until far down the road when you know for certain that there is no danger or risk.

 

I would rather risk the chance of offending someone than to put my child's safety at risk.

 

Pedophiles are very real.

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