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Thread: Guy Iím dating asked to meet my son

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Go at your own pace. Do not let anyone fast-forward things with future-talk. He may be saying things to make things sound more solid than they are after 12 weeks of dating. You'll have to wait and observe things, talk is cheap.
    Originally Posted by mayflower165
    I have been dating a guy for about 3 months. On our last date he said he mentioned twice that he would like to meet my son.

  2. #12
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    12 weeks is too soon to meet your kid. You don't know if you will get to the six month mark yet, JMHO. I would hold of for as long as possible. see how things feel after you have dated a year. He is pushing too hard, or he mentioned it again because you did not answer him. I would say "i would like us to continue to get to know eachother better." and leave it at that.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'd say it's wise to separate his interest with meeting your son with the question of his intentions with you. Instead, I'd focus on what you want, both in terms of the relationship and the pacing of it, including when you think it's right for him (or any man) to meet your son and in what context. In other words, best to not make your child a gauge or test for someone else's feelings about you.

  4. #14
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    Way too soon. Your son's safety is paramount.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Never make major decisions in the honeymoon period. It's not reality. Talk is cheap until proven otherwise. Making plans way ahead of time really means nothing. Even if his intentions right now are to continue on with you indefinitely, there are psychological stages you both have to get through as you move from the honeymoon period. It's a make or break time where the highs settle into a more mellow stage of growing reality.

    You can only take a day by day, wait and see attitude, learning if you're both compatible and who you want as a lifetime partner, seeing if he continues to put in the effort it takes to build a beautiful relationship.

    Kids don't need to get attached to people who will leave their lives as quickly as they entered. Let him know you'll inform him when you think the time is right for that to happen. You're not even exclusive. I'm assuming you're sharing the gift of your body with him. Are you okay with with non-exclusivity at this point, both free to date others? If not, maybe you should broach the subject since you seem into him enough to ask if he's serious about you.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Timing for meeting kids from a broken home or a parent who has passed is supposed to be about what's best for the child, not the adult.

    When a child has had the rug pulled out from under them, a parent's priority is to create stability for them, not show them off to new dates.

    I'd skip that idea, and I'd question this guy's judgment. It's not great.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It's alarming that the guy whom you've been dating is too eager to be introduced to your son and continues to pester you to become acquainted with your son. Beware. Not that he's a child rapist or child molester but just keep in mind, crimes against children usually are committed by whom the child knows such as a family friend, relative, neighbor, "trusted" adult, authoritative figure and the like. It's 1:1 when there are no witnesses.

    As a mother, always make sure your radar is up and ALWAYS protect your child. No one has your child's back accept YOU. Safety is tantamount.

    The guy you're dating is a huge red flag. Listen to your gut instincts and intuition because it's always right. If anyone doesn't ring true to you, they aren't. I wouldn't trust him if I were you. I'd run for the hills and take your kid with you!

    He sounds creepy.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    It's alarming that the guy whom you've been dating is too eager to be introduced to your son and continues to pester you to become acquainted with your son. Beware. Not that he's a child rapist or child molester but just keep in mind, crimes against children usually are committed by whom the child knows such as a family friend, relative, neighbor, "trusted" adult, authoritative figure and the like. It's 1:1 when there are no witnesses.

    As a mother, always make sure your radar is up and ALWAYS protect your child. No one has your child's back accept YOU. Safety is tantamount.

    The guy you're dating is a huge red flag. Listen to your gut instincts and intuition because it's always right. If anyone doesn't ring true to you, they aren't. I wouldn't trust him if I were you. I'd run for the hills and take your kid with you!

    He sounds creepy.
    The guy doesn't need to be 'unsafe' to have a harmful impact on your child. Kids don't 'get' dating, they form bonds quickly. So introducing him to someone you haven't tested and approved on your own, and over enough t.i.m.e. to learn whether someone is worthy of becoming a permanent fixture in your life, is positioning your kid to suffer another loss in his young life.

    And for what, some pushy-date's amusement?

    When kids suffer losses, the last thing in the world to heap onto that is a lesson that relationships are disposable. Skip that. You're not just dating for yourself, you're dating to find the best and most stable influence for both you and your child's future. Someone who is pushy and apparently holds no regard for rational reservations doesn't sound like a great match for that.

    Examine your agenda and adjust it through the lens of good parenting rather than a desperation that would allow someone else to future-talk you into using lousy judgment on your child's behalf.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    The guy doesn't need to be 'unsafe' to have a harmful impact on your child. Kids don't 'get' dating, they form bonds quickly. So introducing him to someone you haven't tested and approved on your own, and over enough t.i.m.e. to learn whether someone is worthy of becoming a permanent fixture in your life, is positioning your kid to suffer another loss in his young life.

    And for what, some pushy-date's amusement?

    When kids suffer losses, the last thing in the world to heap onto that is a lesson that relationships are disposable. Skip that. You're not just dating for yourself, you're dating to find the best and most stable influence for both you and your child's future. Someone who is pushy and apparently holds no regard for rational reservations doesn't sound like a great match for that.

    Examine your agenda and adjust it through the lens of good parenting rather than a desperation that would allow someone else to future-talk you into using lousy judgment on your child's behalf.
    I agree, the guy doesn't have to be unsafe. I was merely putting the bug in Mayflower165's ear.

    This dating guy of 3 months doesn't sound normal which is a red flag IMHO.

    Either insist upon taking things slower with this guy or breakup.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Do we know this man has been remotely pushy?

    I mean, sure, if he's angling aggressively for face time with the kiddo after 90 daysóyes, red flags fluttering. But we've gotten nothing to even hint at that. If OP is chatting with dude about her son's t-ball game, say, and dude says something like, "Sounds like a cool kidóhope to meet him," I'm not sure that's skull-and-crossbones territory.

    Just think some more context could go a long way here. As it stands, OP's main concern is trying to learn more about what this guy's intentions are. A common enough conundrum at 3 months. I'd say the best route there is a series of adult conversations (about feelings, about personal boundaries) that don't bring a child into it one way or another. Whether he or any man meets her son next month or next year, it shouldn't be part of a test.

    Dating with kids is tricky. Dating someone with a kid can be a tricky. Dating people who are a passive and skittish is tricky. Could be that he's creepy. Could be that he's been kind of suspicious or semi-present these past 90 days. Could be that he, like OP, is a little skittish about expressing himself, and hiccuped a "I'd like to meet you son" because he's as scared of scaring her off as she is of scaring him.

    Only OP knows this guy, how things have felt, what she feels in her gut. In her shoes I'd see this moment as a "sign" that it's time to have an adult check-in about where things stand, and a little check-in with herself about how she feels about him and what she wants romance and motherhood to look like so she can express that, be it to him or someone else.

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