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Thread: He went out on a date to test his feelings for me

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Shylight's Avatar
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    He went out on a date to test his feelings for me

    I have been dating a guy for the past several weeks. He told me that he wanted to become exclusive with me. Yet he admitted to me that he went out on a date with another girl to see if I was the one?

  2. #2
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    He went on a date because he's comparison shopping which many people do before becoming exclusive - why did he choose to share this information with you? It's unusual. When you know you want to be exclusive with someone you don't need to test that by trying out someone else.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Shylight
    I have been dating a guy for the past several weeks. He told me that he wanted to become exclusive with me. Yet he admitted to me that he went out on a date with another girl to see if I was the one?
    That would be a deal breaker for me. It would show me that he isn't on the same page as I am when it comes to the relationship.

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    Gold Member waffle's Avatar
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    Forget about what he wants for a minute. Are you sure you want to be exclusive with him? There's a "jump through hoops to be what he wants" vibe that you need to watch for in the future. If you stay with him this will not be the only time you deal with this issue.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Did he just “admit” this out of the blue, or did you ask if he’d gone on dates with anyone else? And what do you want from him?

    To me the strange thing is that he told you about it and how he phrased it—that would rub me the wrong way. Generally, I assume anyone I’m newly dating is likely meeting other people. Fine. If our connection is strong all that tends to fall away pretty quickly, so the “exclusive” talk is more of “labeling” something that already exists: two people only interested in each other, celebrating that with boundaries to protect the connection as it expands.

    No need to wield “other people” as little swords, since that phase is over, or to make exclusivity about some kind of test. You don’t tell the Audi that you liked it better than the Acura—you just buy the Audi. To make a person feel like a product test—well, that would unnerve me and lead me to question whether we’re on the same page in our ideas about romantic and human connection.

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    So does that also mean that if he was trying to figure out whether to propose to you in the future he'd have to go out and test his feelings by having sex with another woman/women to make sure he wants to spend his life with you?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What is it that you want? Having the exclusive talk is normal after several weeks of dating. Dating others until that time is also normal.
    Originally Posted by Shylight
    I have been dating a guy for the past several weeks. He told me that he wanted to become exclusive with me. Yet he admitted to me that he went out on a date with another girl to see if I was the one?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Meh....throw him back.

    Ya I get it, people will multi date before making a decision...some don't. I would never get involved myself. I'm one of those who dates one at a time. Most never made it past the first date anyways.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Meh....throw him back.

    Ya I get it, people will multi date before making a decision...some don't. I would never get involved myself. I'm one of those who dates one at a time. Most never made it past the first date anyways.
    I always multidated before deciding to be exclusive with a particular person. I would never have told someone that -so tacky/classless. I didn't multidate to test my feelings for a particular person but because especially when I was older I didn't want to put all my eggs in one basket too soon and forego opportunities to meet people because I wanted marriage and family -and in my 30s I wanted to make sure I availed myself of opportunities to meet people and not commit too soon to someone I'd only dated a handful of times.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He's being honest with you about seeing someone else after he met you. He might even regret it. If he looks regretful, it might be appropriate. If he's grinning ear to ear like the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland, then there's probably something wrong with him.

    I wouldn't penalize him for being honest with you. Just take it for what it is. The question is whether you want to continue seeing him exclusively (as per his proposal).

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