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Thread: Am I right to feel this way?

  1. #11
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    I think he is being grabby. if the family felt that the father wanted him to have these things, they would have given them to him. If the father said "i want you to have this" but after that they break up = it doesn't mean the father would have still wanted him to have the items given that the situation changed. If the family also has no clue about their conversation, t REALLY makes him look grabby.

    I think if he still has his OWN personal possessions at the ex's that the breakup is too fresh, still.

    I don't think you should "control" the conditions - but i feel if you find this to be a red flag, you break it off and find someone available or you decide to give him "space." I really think its odd for someone to talk about what they have coming to them like that. I personally would want to date someone who moved forward.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You have the right to feel the way you do.

    Your boyfriend is greedy. All he wants is what he feels he is entitled to. Something about him doesn't add up and his intentions are selfish and self-centered. If he were sincerely sympathetic towards his ex-girlfriend and her family, he would've done the right thing which is to back off permanently and not bother them, period yet all he cares about his getting "things" from his ex-girlfriend's late father. He's obsessed about these objects with nary a care for his ex-girlfriend's grief, tremendous loss and mourning family.

    Your boyfriend lacks integrity which should be alarming to you. He's very disrespectful.

  3. #13
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    The timelines are a bit confusing. Can you clarify?

    The way I read it is that the father passed away in 2018 and your bf split with her in 2019?

    Perhaps the items were sentimental to the father but wanted to pass them to your bf because of a connection and knowing he would appreciate them? Moreso than his own daughter.
    They could be sports memorabilia from a sport your bf plays for example?
    In which case yes he should accept them and care for them.

    If it was more sentimental to the family like a piece of jewellery long been in the family , then no he should not accept since he is no longer with his daughter.

    Perspective needed before I can really comment further.

    As for why this hasnít been dealt with sooner, is it because they are in dispute over who should have the items? Then unless the items were in a will, your bf should let it go.

    If there are items your bf still wants to retrieve that are his own belongings , if he has lived without them until now he can live without them forever. If they meant that much to him he would have got them by now and before he dated another.

    Itís not up to you to dictate what he does , you can only express your feelings and if you donít like whatís happening, you end the relationship.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I don't know what relationship he had with the father. It's none of my business to qualify how appropriate it is to expect whatever he'd intended your boyfriend to inherit. Frankly, "making someone promise" not to speak to somebody is much more objectively concerning to me. If you don't like the level of contact he's got with his ex or the fact he still wants whatever it is the father left for him, that's within your rights. But once it gets to a point you're telling him what to do and who he can or can't talk to, you're crossing a line and are much better off leaving.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    At its core.

    At the end of the day.

    You either trust him or you donít.

    Youíre entitled to how you feel, heís entitled to how he feels.

    You arenít entitled to control your partner though.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    My own private rule is that I won't involve myself with anyone who is still involved with an ex, in any way, shape or form, beyond shared children. You're learning WHY.

    I'd tell BF that I adore him and can picture the two of us together in the future. That's why I'm walking away to let him finish his old business with his ex. If he ever finds himself completely free and clear of all involvement with her, he can let me know. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best.

    This leaves your door open just enough to avoid a rebound mess. It allows the guy enough time and room to stabilize solo, because without that, he's really not relationship material--he's heartbreak material. Skip that, look out for yourself without trying to control anyone else. Let the chips fall, and if they fall the right way, great. If not, they wouldn't have anyway.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    My own private rule is that I won't involve myself with anyone who is still involved with an ex, in any way, shape or form, beyond shared children. You're learning WHY.

    I'd tell BF that I adore him and can picture the two of us together in the future. That's why I'm walking away to let him finish his old business with his ex. If he ever finds himself completely free and clear of all involvement with her, he can let me know. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best.

    This leaves your door open just enough to avoid a rebound mess. It allows the guy enough time and room to stabilize solo, because without that, he's really not relationship material--he's heartbreak material. Skip that, look out for yourself without trying to control anyone else. Let the chips fall, and if they fall the right way, great. If not, they wouldn't have anyway.
    100% agree with this. Keep things simple and clean.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your boyfriend is more concerned about material things from his ex-girlfriend's deceased father when he should be focusing his exclusive attentions on you. Instead, he still maintains contact with his ex-girlfriend so he can have his eye on the prize which isn't you; it's what he thinks he inherited from his ex-girlfriend's late father. Your boyfriend's priorities are all messed up.

    This is a sign that you will not be treated with respect and as if you matter. He demonstrated the dark side of his character to you which you should take as a warning message and how he will impact your life negatively. I doubt you'll last forever with this guy because he's showing his true colors to you which is quite unseemly. He sounds like a real loser IMHO.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    If the ex is refusing to let him have those things due to the fact they are no longer together, then it's time for him to walk away from it. Me personally would have told him that he needs to let it go. If it's meant to be he would have received them by now.

    Tell him straight: Obviously the ex and her family are saying no, and he should respect that. She lost her father for f sakes, does he not have any compassion for her grief and loss?? Drop it already and leave her alone.

  11. #20
    Member BurtReynolds's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Why are you controlling him? You've just entered a new relationship and it shouldn't be that you should have to forbid anyone from talking to anyone else.
    It sounds like she is just protecting herself and not being controlling. If something your partner is doing makes you feel uncomfortable, its ok to express your feelings.

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