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Thread: Struggling since girlfriend told me of her sex tape

  1. #31
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You guys are in your 30's and you still focus on numbers and sexual experience??? Just my opinion, people will down play their experience to spare feelings of their partner. At the time she possibly was into it...like she's going to tell you that. And to save face, say she regrets it and maybe she does a little. Ok whatever we all have done things we regret, my god it was 10 years ago. It was just a conversation, move forward. In your drunken state you two should have been exchanging sexual fantasies instead...keep that in mind for next time. AND I doubt very highly she's going to have an issue with you requesting her to throw on some kink (lingerie heels etc). She would be doing it for you because she loves you and wants to share the experience. Put the past behind you.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    You guys are in your 30's and you still focus on numbers and sexual experience??? Just my opinion, people will down play their experience to spare feelings of their partner. At the time she possibly was into it...like she's going to tell you that. And to save face, say she regrets it and maybe she does a little. Ok whatever we all have done things we regret, my god it was 10 years ago. It was just a conversation, move forward. In your drunken state you two should have been exchanging sexual fantasies instead...keep that in mind for next time. AND I doubt very highly she's going to have an issue with you requesting her to throw on some kink (lingerie heels etc). She would be doing it for you because she loves you and wants to share the experience. Put the past behind you.
    She brought it up as a traumatic experience that had haunted her and cried when she told me so I think she actually does regret it.

    She cited it as a reason as to why she likes sex to be loving and vanilla.

    And we don’t focus on it, it’s come up a couple of times recently but never before.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by huskiesfan
    I agree with this. Just ask her to do it..that's not an uncommon turnon. Hell, I've asked my fiancée about that and she's been up for it. It was a little awkward on my part, but finding that she was perfectly willing to indulge one of my kinks was such a validating feeling.

    Perhaps the sex that you and her have can wash away the bad memories she associates with that night as well.
    I asked before and she said yes so it’s all on the cards. The heels she wears these days are a bit classier and less sexy than what she wore in the video but no use worrying over that.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Horridhenry
    She brought it up as a traumatic experience that had haunted her and cried when she told me so I think she actually does regret it.

    She cited it as a reason as to why she likes sex to be loving and vanilla.

    And we don’t focus on it, it’s come up a couple of times recently but never before.
    If this is so, then don't sweep it under the rug. This is vital to the future of your relationship. Either she seeks therapy for it or you help her to work through it. I'm not saying she should be OK with swinging from a trapeze or anything like that, but just to deal with the guilt and regret part. There's a reason why it has come up....I think she just wants to release it once and for all, and be at peace with it.

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  6. #35
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Horridhenry
    I asked before and she said yes so it’s all on the cards. The heels she wears these days are a bit classier and less sexy than what she wore in the video but no use worrying over that.
    ^
    How do you know this? Unless I'm missing something, I find the above statement to be somewhat odd.

  7. #36
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    Perhaps, she should seek therapy

  8. #37
    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
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    If her ex's face was in the video. Good chance that video is trashed or long forgotten somewhere in a dumpster!

    Let me tell you something. The best sex she ever had is with you and that's all that matters.

    Move on and let it go.

    Good luck to you.

  9. #38
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    Went out for dinner last night and cleared the air on this.

    Traumatic is maybe a harsh word. She’s had a few days to process me knowing it and said last night that is something she thinks is gross, it happened with a guy she’s long viewed as gross and she wishes it hadn’t happened, but it’s not something that affects her life.

    The day she explained how it came about also made it sound less of a big deal somehow. Still not something I want to think about, but less significant.

    I thought she looked the hottest I’ve seen her and she had sneakers on, so my shoe-based desire calmed down too.

    Had a very romantic night and very romantic sex. Hopefully my head can clear now and I can put a weird week behind me.

    Thanks for all the responses!

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by Horridhenry
    Went out for dinner last night and cleared the air on this.

    Traumatic is maybe a harsh word. She’s had a few days to process me knowing it and said last night that is something she thinks is gross, it happened with a guy she’s long viewed as gross and she wishes it hadn’t happened, but it’s not something that affects her life.

    The day she explained how it came about also made it sound less of a big deal somehow. Still not something I want to think about, but less significant.

    I thought she looked the hottest I’ve seen her and she had sneakers on, so my shoe-based desire calmed down too.

    Had a very romantic night and very romantic sex. Hopefully my head can clear now and I can put a weird week behind me.

    Thanks for all the responses!
    *way she explained it, not day

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by Horridhenry
    She brought it up as a traumatic experience that had haunted her and cried when she told me so I think she actually does regret it.

    She cited it as a reason as to why she likes sex to be loving and vanilla.

    And we don’t focus on it, it’s come up a couple of times recently but never before.
    She was drinking when she cried telling you.
    She regrets it but it doesn’t affect her that much , what affects her is the prospect that you might be offended by it.

    I bet it’s a big relief to her having told you.

    She experimented with a bit of mild kink 10 years ago! So what!?

    Bear in mind that she has told you she prefers vanilla and loving so I wouldn’t be pressuring her to reenact something she regretted.
    At least not anytime soon.

    Maybe in 6 months if you come back from a night where she is wearing heels you could ask her to leave them on.
    If she doesn’t want to , accept that.

    There is no point discussing this further with her. It’s out , she is relieved, get on with being a great couple that you have been before this revelation.

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