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Thread: Struggling since girlfriend told me of her sex tape

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Are you saying that it affects you more than it does her? If that's the case, you're insecure. Let it go. From your re-evaluation, this has very little to do with her being remorseful as you mentioned in your first post.

  2. #12
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    This about you, and your own insecurities. Not fair!

  3. #13
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    How would you feel if the situation were reversed?

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Are you saying that it affects you more than it does her? If that's the case, you're insecure. Let it go. From your re-evaluation, this has very little to do with her being remorseful as you mentioned in your first post.
    The day after she told me she said it haunted her at least once a week since it happened. However she’s been ok since and I don’t know how big a deal it is. It think it’s more something that pops into her head and makes her cringe, rather than keeping her up all night.

    I don’t know if I can let it go. Maybe I’m just jealous because high heels were involved, or because we’ll never do anything like she did that night.

    I know it’s no threat to our relationship but it’s affecting me.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    How would you feel if the situation were reversed?
    I don’t think I’d feel as ashamed but I don’t know. It’s a hypothetical question. You are aware I don’t think she did anything wrong?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Are you maybe jealous it wasnt you who was in that video with her and her high heels?
    I think I am and have no idea what to do about it.

  8. #17
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    Are you going to allow your ego to ruin your relationship, for a girl you claim to love?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Are you going to allow your ego to ruin your relationship, for a girl you claim to love?
    I don’t want to, but how do I get over it?

    I have no idea where to start or what I need to do.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Short answer: You've just got to ride this choppy little wave, owing that some immaturity and oversharing got the best of you, and trusting things will level off.

    Longer answer: I get the sense that both of you still have a bit of adolescent edginess around sex. Prior to this awkward moment you'd exchanged "numbers," which to me—and this is just me—is kind of the stuff for dorm room confessionals, not 30something connections. All that is just infusing sex with more weight and meaning than it needs, to say nothing of a salt shake of shame, a bit the way younger people are with booze: it's "crazy" to go into a bar and order a beer when you're 21, even kind of "wrong," but just a thing you do at 30, and whether you've gone to 10 bars or 100 in those interim years doesn't really matter. Probably there were some nights when you drank too much, hopefully not too many. Shrug emoji.

    Accept whatever you feel right now: a little jealous, a little aroused, a little curious, a little emasculated. That's all allowed. That will all pass. Recognizing feelings as they pass through you, without reacting too intensely, is kind of how you grow—and, alongside another, grow closer. Awkward moment for growth, for sure, but they don't call them growing pains for nothing. Hopefully you both get to a point, independent of each other, where that chapter doesn't induce a cringe. Life is both too short and too complex for something like this to be an emotional pebble in the shoe.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You realize that you are spinning this huge fantasy in your head out of nothing driven completely by your own issues and insecurities.

    If it's such a big thing for a woman to wear heels to bed, why not suggest that and have some fun instead stewing in your head about it? You know, play some fun dress up or whatever floats your boat, BUT keep it fun and about what you want and not sick competition with some guy from 10 years ago.

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