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Thread: I think she went back to ex, not responding to me

  1. #1

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    I think she went back to ex, not responding to me

    Hi! Looking for advice :) I dated this girl very briefly, only a few months really before I had to move cities for the time being. We had a great time while we were together but it was so short that we didnít pursue anything LDR. But for the last 8 months or so thereís always been lots of flirting back and forth with fairly frequent texting and some phone calls as well. She knows that in a couple months Iím returning to her city for awhile (possibly permanently) and we were really excited about that.

    However, about 3 weeks ago she said that her ex that she dated before me has come around again and even though she ďdidnít care all that muchĒ she said he was trying again. Since then, sheís been colder but would still talk to me. But a few days ago we were talking and I was teasing and flirting as usual when she told me to shut up. I asked whatís up and she said ďIím over these games seriouslyĒ. I tried again to ask what happened bc I was confused and if something was wrong and itís now been a few days and she hasnít responded.

    I saw on social media that she changed her photo to one of her and her ex smiling but then removed it shortly after. Honestly if she decides to go back with her ex Iím actually pretty ok with that. But I donít like leaving things in bad taste. Iím really debating just sending a message saying that I didnít like how the last conversation ended, especially with people I care about, and that I hope we can still be friends?

    On the other hand, idk if I should leave things for a week or two and then send a message? Or should I just leave it completely and maybe wait and see if she texts me back?

    I REALLY hate burning bridges and the idea of leaving things this way btw us really bothers me.

    Please help ):

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, as long as she is "trying things with her exbf", don't chitchat or contact her. She's placing you in the friendzone with that comment. Don't get caught in thier on/off crossfire. Date locally where you are and start fresh if you decide to move there.
    Originally Posted by Apollo99
    about 3 weeks ago she said that her ex that she dated before me has come around again and even though she ďdidnít care all that muchĒ she said he was trying again.

    I saw on social media that she changed her photo to one of her and her ex smiling but then removed it shortly after.

  3. #3

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    So you donít think thereís any reason to even sent a follow-up text, seeing if everything is alright? You would completely leave it?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Iíd let it breathe for a bit, meaning just step back rather than carving out a plan of engagement. Sheís there, youíre here, and something is clearly going on with her ex, as she told you something was, and posted about it. Whatever the details, itís not your business and making it your business is going to sully whatever connection you two have while sullying youíre ability to be present in your life right now, where you are.

    Take the long view. If sheís getting back with himówell, that likely means the end of your friendship/flirtationship, as those doors need to be closed off, so itís actually a sign of her having good boundaries if sheís distancing, if not so gracefully. If itís not going to work outówell, itís kind of perfect that she rides that rollercoaster while youíre far away, literally and figuratively. If thatís all sorted out in a few months or whatever, you guys can reconnect, see about a genuine friendship or a genuine shot at romance, while remaining engaged while she works through whatever sheís working through will just plant nasty weeds for either of those paths.

    Itís tough, I get it. No one likes bad vibes, and no one likes to lose sparkly texts, especially when theyíre uprooted in a new city. You can genuinely wish her the best in your head right now, cultivating good vibes, while giving yourself a minute to mourn what for now seems to be an end to the sparkly connection that has been a source of comfort. If and when it is time to engage will be something youíll know because itíll feel organic, rather than a chess move, you know?

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  6. #5
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    You are a backup option to her. Move on.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Take a big step back. This girl was appallingly rude to you. The whole shut up thing .... why would you be willing to deal with a person who will take that kind of a tone with you?

    You dated briefly, then you moved away. There is nothing between you really and please do put that in a proper perspective. Then she has something going with her ex and becomes super rude to you and then stops communicating with you.

    This is where you find your self respect and the nearest exit out of this mess. Do not contact her ever again. You were her band aid in her break up, nothing else and the moment you weren't needed anymore, she showed you her colors, which aren't pretty.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I don't think she's interested, OP. Be mindful of the chemistry between the both of you and your dynamic. It's a bit skewed to one side. You're more interested in her than she is in you and she's got someone else she's possibly involved with.

    There's a high likelihood that approaching her with any text, email, letter, phone call will go south. I think she might have used you as a rebound unfortunately. You'll appear clingy and your advances are really unwanted at this point. I'm sorry it all worked out this way but it may be a blessing in disguise.

    1) you will be able to focus on whether a move is good for you at all (you should evaluate whether this is in your best interests)
    2) you're more free to think about what should be your next move in terms of your schooling or career

    Some bridges, as you know, are so rickety or full of mites, they're best burned. Rebuild your own and cross only if you think it benefits you in the first place.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Egad just let it go. You can plainly see she is giving her ex a second chance, which a lot of people do. Sending a message or anything is futile because all you were doing was chatting, there was no commitment. And btw for all you know, that was her ex sending you that text to snuff out any competition.

  10. #9
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    Look at it like this buddy , she is either ignoring you because she got back with her ex or she is ignoring you because she doesn't feel it anymore ....either side of the bed you are still going to be the one rolling off the end .
    While I am a great believer of treat people how you expect to be treat , she has already set the precedence for that routine . You aint going to be friends whatever her deal is , so don't put yourself out there to be snubbed and rejected any further . Head high .

  11. #10
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    You need to move on. Do not contact her.

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