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Thread: Exploring bissexuality

  1. #1
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    Exploring bissexuality

    I have considered myself mostly heterossexual my whole life. I have always dated men, hooked up with men and felt attraction mostly towards men. I have kissed a few girls and am sometimes attracted to one or another, but never anything beyond that. But, after 26 years of life and a lot of heartbreaks and disappointments with men in general, I decided to try dating women, and to my surprise, I met a girl online who I've been really interested in and caught myself thinking romantically about her. This has NEVER happend.

    Now, I know sexuality is very subliminal and I don't really believe there is a rule for anything, but I've never actually dated women, or even flirted or anything. I am really outgoing with men, I go out with different guys and I don't really think too much about what I'm doing, but with her... I simply freeze. I have no idea how to flirt, how to talk, how to act. I know it may seem silly but this a whole new world to me, seriously makes me feel like a teenager lol

    She's so adorable and cute and I really don't want to ruin this by acting in a certain way that... so any tips are welcome. I know everyone is different, but I'm nervous about this and want to hear different opnions

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have you met in person? If so is she bi? Does she know you are exploring this? Be yourself and be honest . Do not simply experiment on others without their knowing about your feelings/intentions.
    Originally Posted by Lovelavie
    after 26 years of life and a lot of heartbreaks and disappointments with men in general, I decided to try dating women, and to my surprise, I met a girl online who I've been really interested in and caught myself thinking romantically about her. This has NEVER happend.

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    Do you want to date her, or is this more about exploring your sexuality? Be honest with yourself, and with her. I have kissed two girls (I was a teenager, and I was drunk), but I can't see myself dating a woman. There's nothing wrong with experimenting, but you should be both on the same page.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The same rules should apply: date locally, get to know each other and take your time and keep things genuine, fun and lighthearted. Treat her as a person, not as someone of a different gender. If you're really bisexual or pansexual your instincts will kick in and you won't feel too out of place regardless of gender. Don't worry so much about your sexuality. Things will fall into place. Enjoy her company.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Having been through a similar period of reflection after my separation (It helped me realize that I was not bi or pan just heartbroken) I can say that one of the most important things I learned is to be honest about the fact that you are in an exploration period... if they are bi, gay, etc. they will totally get it... however not everyone wants to be experimented on so it will also give them the opportunity to choose whether or not they want to invest more time in you while you explore your sexuality.

    P.S.... I agree with Batya completely; people are people and if you think you will avoid disappointment and heartbreak by dating women, you need a reality check.
    Last edited by maew; 11-07-2019 at 01:54 PM.

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    Would you like it if someone was dating you because he'd dated only women with certain hair color and been disappointed so he wanted to sample a woman with a different hair color? It's kind of like that -a negative way to approach this "oh well this entire gender proved to be a disappointment so I'll date her because she's female". That's a large part of your motivation and to me that's not a great way to start out a potential relationship.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She may be exploring her sexuality too. Take it easy. Overthinking it or overthinking her wellbeing will make you more nervous and anxious. I'm sure all of this will come out eventually in your meetings and as you get to know one another.

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    She may be exploring her sexuality too. Take it easy. Overthinking it or overthinking her wellbeing will make you more nervous and anxious. I'm sure all of this will come out eventually in your meetings and as you get to know one another.
    Sure that's fine I was just noting her motivation in her generalization about being disappointed in men in general -so if that's partly a motivation that could be cause for concern. I think she should be open about her intentions to explore with anyone she meets who says she is gay or bi.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, however be upfront about this and that you are bi/exploring. Some people may be looking for someone who is pure lesbian and into long term monogamous relationships.
    Originally Posted by Lovelavie
    after 26 years of life and a lot of heartbreaks and disappointments with men in general, I decided to try dating women

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If she's still disappointed over her past and has troubles connecting with people or experiencing high distrust for others, she shouldn't be dating in the first place. That vibe will be felt regardless of what gender is involved. Most people who are healthy and stable will pick up on that. Things will take care of themselves.

    Being clear about intentions are a good idea while dating. Over-explaining and running on about why she is the way she is or how confused she is or how badly she's been treated are all red flags to the other party. It also means she's insecure about who/what she is. Again, the situation will take care of itself.

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