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Thread: Monkey branching and likelihood of reconciliation vs rebound

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    Monkey branching and likelihood of reconciliation vs rebound

    I'm still dealing with my own issues right now, but I'm curious about the feedback from the folks on ENA regarding monkey branching relationships.

    I was listening to Dating Guy recently and he was talking about how most ex's who move on via monkey branching don't come back.

    I am still holding onto the hope that in about one year or two maybe my ex might reach out to me again if I've improved on myself enough to become the superhuman person I want to me.

    So, ENAers - many say that rebound relationships don't last - but what about monkey branching ones?

    Of course, I'm hoping it's the same as a rebound, but I know that's not the case.

    Please post your thoughts/experiences down below. Maybe some of you can give me some hope - and maybe some of you might give me a dose of reality

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    Is this a survey to support or counter internet dating gurus? You need to focus on getting an attorney for your divorce, not some abusive ex from years and years ago.

    My advice remains the same: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    I was listening to Dating Guy recently and he was talking about how most ex's who move on via monkey branching don't come back.

    I am still holding onto the hope that in about one year or two maybe my ex might reach out to me again if I've improved on myself enough to become the superhuman person I want to me.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Is this a survey to support or counter internet dating gurus?
    Dating Guy is about the only one I'd listen to.

    I think he's right. Monkey branchers don't come back, they are always looking for a new tree to swing over to.

    Forget her OP, she was untrustworthy. You deserve better.

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    Hey Wiseman2!

    Thanks for the quick response.

    It's more a survey to do either - support or counter internet dating gurus. I see a lot of info about rebounds, but not about monkey branchers.

    I love your response about the abusive ex. However, may I ask you - what signs do you see that he's abusive independent of my own actions? Your advice continues to be spot on, but I'm just curious what your perspective is
    I'm focusing on the quickest way to divorce right now. We've been separated for almost a year.

    But truly, I would like to know what people think about monkey branching relationships as well without my situation being entangled in the answers.

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    I think it's interesting and maybe even entertaining information. I think beyond that, especially trying to apply it to your own individual situation is kind of a waste of time or distracting in an unproductive way. My take away from my experiences in relationships and from what I've heard in real life -most people are a combo of all these categories and labels. And common sense reigns -people who are relatively healthy move towards pleasure and away from pain. True in relationships too. If someone wants to be with you he or she will if you want to be with that person.

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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    Dating Guy is about the only one I'd listen to.

    I think he's right. Monkey branchers don't come back, they are always looking for a new tree to swing over to.

    Forget her OP, she was untrustworthy. You deserve better.
    Exactly! I found Dating Guy's advice and insights great compared to 99% of the rest on the net. He's got a great way of saying things too.
    I guess it's true then. Monkey branchers aren't going to look back. They just keep looking forward.

    So, if you've been dumped via monkey branching - let go of that hope they'll ever return even years down the road.
    I've actually emailed Dating Guy for his advice on my situation. I'm excited to hear his insights as well.
    Thanks for your input!

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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I think it's interesting and maybe even entertaining information. I think beyond that, especially trying to apply it to your own individual situation is kind of a waste of time or distracting in an unproductive way. My take away from my experiences in relationships and from what I've heard in real life -most people are a combo of all these categories and labels. And common sense reigns -people who are relatively healthy move towards pleasure and away from pain. True in relationships too. If someone wants to be with you he or she will if you want to be with that person.
    Thanks for your response!
    I have been listening to a lot of different relationship gurus and they all seem to say things like indefinite no contact can lead to the fading bias affect which can then lead to potential re-emergence of attraction and maybe, just maybe, reconciliation. Or not :P

    I guess you're right - move away from pain to pleasure. Good point.

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    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    ... Monkey branchers aren't going to look back. They just keep looking forward.
    Until they miss that next branch, and crash bigtime.

    Karma bites.

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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    Until they miss that next branch, and crash bigtime.

    Karma bites.
    Yes!!!

    Oh, sweet, sweet Karma. I've been the recipient of Karma's ass kicking in my life. Surely, karma will get others too
    Thanks for that uplifting moment for those affected by monkey branchers.

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    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    Thanks for your response!
    I have been listening to a lot of different relationship gurus and they all seem to say things like indefinite no contact can lead to the fading bias affect which can then lead to potential re-emergence of attraction and maybe, just maybe, reconciliation. Or not :P

    I guess you're right - move away from pain to pleasure. Good point.
    Yes- they dress up common sense in fancy psychospeak with rare exception. Here are the rare exceptions I've found -the late Dr. Joy Browne's radio program, Judith Sills oldie but goodie A Fine Romance and Martha Beck's writings.
    In our case (dated over 2 years, engaged with the wedding about two months away) we had very limited contact -a few emails a year, one 1.5 hour dinner after about 6 years apart, until we spoke by phone after almost 8 years apart and made a plan for dinner -platonic, absolutely just to catch up. Not a date. At all. But, sparks flew. We were able to get back together for 3 main reasons: (1) we'd both changed as people so the chemistry/compatibility was much much stronger; (2) when we broke up it did not involve any lies or betrayal or cheating so we were able to get past the hurt and upset feelings of ending our prior relationship; (3) we both wanted the exact same thing and expressed what we wanted very soon after that first dinner (we got back together about a month after that first meeting and during that month we were platonic and saw each other three times) - we both wanted to see if this time we would get married. That conversation took about 2-5 minutes total because when you both want the same thing you don't need long discussions or intense talks. We had many of those after we decided but then we were committed to a common goal so those conversations had that foundation of commitment as opposed to doubt or uncertainty. (We've been married almost 11 years and it's going really well!).

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