Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: How to get over the fear

  1. #1

    How to get over the fear

    Me and my husband have just separated because I was sick of how he would fly off the handle over little things. He would yell and sometimes call me names.
    He knows he should not have done it and he has changed. We eventually want to work things out but I just fear he will go back to his old ways.
    And advice? Can I get over this fear?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,452
    Gender
    Male
    Mind offering some more details? Like how old are you guys, and how long have you been married? Are there children involved?

    Generally speaking, this is the stuff that marriage counseling is made for: a "safe" place for you to each express, and confront, your fears, with the guidance of a professional. It's a bit like learning to ride a bike, with the counselor acting as "training wheels." You get comfortable, eventually take off the training wheels, and see if you can ride stably, with both the fears and the sources of them better understood.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    36,893
    Gender
    Female
    He needs extensive therapy and then you need coupleís therapy.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,406
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. How long are you married? While separated, reflect on what is happening very carefully. Enlist the help of a therapist privately and confidentially. Talk to trusted friends and family. Where is he staying? Do not talk during the separation, instead reflect. Do not just start a cycle of blow-outs, apologies then then next round of blow-outs/apologies and so on. . He will go back to his old ways, that is not "fear" that is experience.
    Originally Posted by SElliottx
    Me and my husband have just separated because I was sick of how he would fly off the handle over little things. He would yell and sometimes call me names. He knows he should not have done it and he has changed.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    9,997
    Gender
    Female
    What exactly has he done to change for how long? Meaning is he in counseling? Did he do anger management counseling and courses? What has he done that is concrete besides promising to be magically different?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,669
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    What exactly has he done to change for how long? Meaning is he in counseling? Did he do anger management counseling and courses? What has he done that is concrete besides promising to be magically different?
    Pretty much this OP... change takes time and there is nothing wrong with wanting to observe his behavior from afar for awhile until you become comfortable with the idea that he won't do this again.

    You don't have to pay for love or being loved with your self-esteem and self worth.

  8. #7
    We have been together nearly 10 years. Married for 3. We have 2 children and 1 on the way.
    He hasnít done any classes or anything. He has just tried changing on his own.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,220
    Originally Posted by SElliottx
    We have been together nearly 10 years. Married for 3. We have 2 children and 1 on the way.
    He hasnít done any classes or anything. He has just tried changing on his own.
    Then he's done nothing.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    5,992
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by SElliottx
    We have been together nearly 10 years. Married for 3. We have 2 children and 1 on the way.
    He hasnít done any classes or anything. He has just tried changing on his own.
    That wont likely work, people can say all sorts of things then revert to past behaviour. You both need therapy, he needs to discover why he treats you badly, you need to learn why you put up with it and a skilled therapist can help both of you work thru your problems.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,351
    Gender
    Female
    People who 'lose their temper' are always sorry after the fact, but they can't be trusted not to escalate violent behavior because they have no self control. So I'd keep him out and see a lawyer for advice on protections and conditions for exposure to you and your children. Unless and until the guy seeks professional help, he's a walking time bomb who won't get better, only worse.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •