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Thread: She asked "what am I to you?" Pretty sure I answered wrong

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    She asked "what am I to you?" Pretty sure I answered wrong

    she asked me this while at a nice park.
    I thought she was referring to our labeling the relationship, as it's very early in the relationship (5 dates)...so I asked if that was what she was talking about...she laughed and didn't answer...
    She texted me later in the night telling me to think about it, saying I hadn't answered...I mean I'm not ready to say I love you yet...we only just started dating.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by drivenfuture
    she asked me this while at a nice park.
    I thought she was referring to our labeling the relationship, as it's very early in the relationship (5 dates)...so I asked if that was what she was talking about...she laughed and didn't answer...
    She texted me later in the night telling me to think about it, saying I hadn't answered...I mean I'm not ready to say I love you yet...we only just started dating.
    Pretty sure you answered wrong? You didn't answer at all. And honestly, that's ok. You were caught off guard and not on the same page as her. Entirely understandable.

    But if either of you feel she deserves an answer, tell her what you told us. You aren't ready to define something 5 dates in and that's perfectly ok.

    She may feel differently, but that may be the very thing that sets you two apart.

    Or. . she may agree to slow her roll and let things unfold at a later time.

    But answer her question. `I don't know yet' - is an answer.

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    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    I agree with the above answer. I am confused why you are associating a label on the relationship as an immediate equivalent to having to say "I love you", though. Seems like a big jump to me.

    Along with admitting that you don't know what the two of you are, you could say something along the lines of, "I really like you and want to keep seeing you". A simple "I don't know" with no encouragement to keep exploring may end your budding involvement.

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Pretty sure you answered wrong? You didn't answer at all. And honestly, that's ok. You were caught off guard and not on the same page as her. Entirely understandable.

    But if either of you feel she deserves an answer, tell her what you told us. You aren't ready to define something 5 dates in and that's perfectly ok.

    She may feel differently, but that may be the very thing that sets you two apart.

    Or. . she may agree to slow her roll and let things unfold at a later time.

    But answer her question. `I don't know yet' - is an answer.
    My answer was asking if she was talking about labeling us as boyfriend and girlfriend if thats what she was talking about, and she said yes...so I thought that was it...but I found out later that wasn't what she was looking for.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by drivenfuture
    My answer was asking if she was talking about labeling us as boyfriend and girlfriend if thats what she was talking about, and she said yes...so I thought that was it...but I found out later that wasn't what she was looking for.
    I'm confused.....what was she looking for?

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    Originally Posted by SGH
    I agree with the above answer. I am confused why you are associating a label on the relationship as an immediate equivalent to having to say "I love you", though. Seems like a big jump to me.

    Along with admitting that you don't know what the two of you are, you could say something along the lines of, "I really like you and want to keep seeing you". A simple "I don't know" with no encouragement to keep exploring may end your budding involvement.
    2 separate things...as I said she said yes to the bf/gf thing but that wasn't what she was looking for in her question...so now I'm trying to figure out what she wants to hear, and thats why the I love you thing came up...but they are not the same thing. I just can't figure out what she's looking for, and if thats what she wants to hear...I'm not ready for that.
    Much like you stated, I had said I liked her and cared about her and that it's very early in the relationship...but none of this swayed her from texting me for a different answer later on.

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    I'm confused.....what was she looking for?
    Thats what I'm trying to figure out myself lol.
    Perhaps just compliments, perhaps that I see us as serious...perhaps the 3 words. idk. I'm certainly not ready for the ILY after 5 dates tho.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Eh, I'd drop it. When someone starts to act out just barely 5 dates in......you might want to put on your running shoes instead of worrying if you answered correctly. You did, btw. It's her question and response that's off.

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    Is this the "4 dates and no kiss" girl?

    Maybe she wants something concrete before she agrees to kiss.

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    lol...actually...we kissed before she said that lol. so hence thats why I thought she was talking about labeling as boyfriend and girlfriend...but perhaps she just wants to know I'm serious.
    But then again, this is also after I drove an hour to see her, brought her to a park, and according to her, was the 1st man to meet her parents.
    soooo.....I'm not sure why she wouldn't think I was serious.

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