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Thread: Boyfriend cheated, does he deserve a chance to prove himself??

  1. #21
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    It doesn't matter what kind of cheating it is -it's a betrayal, it's inconsistent with being in a committed relationship, it's how he deals with conflict. I wouldn't invest more time in this -if you were married, especially if there was a child involved then sure maybe but I agree with the others -for most of the time you've been involved with him he's been dishonest and misleading in his actions.
    Sure, you don't even need to classify something as cheating if it's just plain disloyal.

    Either you want a loyal, trustworthy partner, or you make excuses to overlook the fact that you don't have one.

  2. #22
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    Talking to someone inappropriately behind her back IS cheating. -_- Cheating isn't just physical.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Talking to someone inappropriately behind her back IS cheating. -_- Cheating isn't just physical.
    Not to me -it depends on the couple and what is ok with the couple. To me cheating is having sex outside the relationship/getting sexually intimate outside the relationship. What he did might have been cheating if they decided from the outset that it was cheating to flirt with a member of the opposite sex, or whatever they decided. What he did was inconsistent with being in a committed relationship, was disloyal, looks like he also lied.

    I do think there can be "emotional cheating" -my hesitation is that very often it's broadened beyond all boundaries in a way cheating is not. For example, a person is not going to label as "cheating" hugging a member of the opposite sex even if there is an attraction there - because often people hug in real life and sometimes those attraction feelings just sneak up. But I've seen where "talking" to a coworker of the opposite sex that involves some personal conversations, one on one lunches - becomes "emotional cheating" so I'm more careful with that term. To me "emotional cheating" is when a couple is in a committed relationship and one person goes on a romantic date-like evening with a person of the opposite sex where they flirt heavily and speak in sexual suggestive ways and express sexual and romantic feelings to another -then yes it's hypocritical to say "it's not cheating because I didn't hold her hand".

    I absolutely have had several conversations with men while out and about that were friendly and that I didn't tell my husband about -because -why? I don't ask him to report to me every person he speaks to every day - were they "flirty" -not on my end - on his end -no - but I have no idea what the man was thinking, not a mind reader and it's irrelevant because I will always have male friends, always have and I will always be committed and loyal to my husband (and before we were married as well).

    I agree with what I said above and with Catfeeder -this guy is not acting in a trustworthy way with this person he's chatting with. It's not consistent with being committed to her. It doesn't matter if it's "emotional cheating". Especially since they're not married -it's not like she needs proof for a divorce, etc. I don't see it as helpful to have to label it (and what I wrote above was to respond, this part is again to be helpful!)

  4. #24
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    If he's hiding things, that's cheating. If he was doing something appropriate and okay he wouldn't have felt the need to hide it.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    If he's hiding things, that's cheating. If he was doing something appropriate and okay he wouldn't have felt the need to hide it.
    I don't agree with that definition because to me that's far too broad. People hide things for all sorts of reasons in individual relationships for individual reasons. I don't tell my husband that a man I dated many years ago for a couple of months emails me about twice a year through linkedin - sometimes he verges on the too personal -meaning topics that are too personal -but I keep it to appropriate topics only including questions about his wife and children. I don't tell my husband -it would annoy him that this guy is contacting me because when we first dated many years ago this guy contacted me too many times inappropriately so I cut off contact. I am not cheating on my husband. Were he to "find out" what he would find out is that this person and I exchange a handful of emails every year. I don't see the point in irritating my husband and I don't see the need to block this guy since I keep it 100% appropriate. It's fine with me to keep in touch to that limited extent.

    In this situation what he did and that he hid it were not consistent with being in a committed relationship, I agree. Certainly a couple can decide to label as cheating "any interaction with the opposite sex that you hide or try to hide"

  7. #26
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    Well obviously it's about the opp sex. You can't exactly cheat on someone else with a car can you.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Well obviously it's about the opp sex. You can't exactly cheat on someone else with a car can you.
    Not sure if that was meant for me or if so why it was particularly relevant to the opinions I expressed. We have different approaches to helping the OP -it's all good.

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