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Thread: I did something and Iím not sure how to process it

  1. #21
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    My ex and his co worker got all flirty too.
    I found out.
    It destroyed both marriages.

    You are having an emotional affair with this man. You are sharing intimate details of yourself with someone other than your Husband.

    I feel very sorry for both of your Spouses.

    How can they ever trust either of you again?

  2. #22
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I find it down right comical that you start a post, donít finish it, like weíre watching the cliff hanger of a dang soap opera, state you donít have time to finish yet you have time to write thorough responses and you had time to post what you did...

    Why not, I donít know leave it as a rough draft until you had time to finish, what was the point of posting if you were going to leave info out.

    You are manipulative as hell! And Iím not saying that lightly you are seriously manipulative and I think itís time you heal from your past... yikes!

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You really have two things only that you ought to be worrying about: your career and your marriage.

    Everything else is white noise and may end up being a product of your indiscretion. They are elements you cannot change anymore and the cat is out of the bag. Be wise now and pick your battles.

    Limit your contact with this person you've been flirting with and keep things to work related matters only. Be more self-aware and aware of your surroundings. There's a good chance that your career at this company is over so be realistic about what the job market is like and I wouldn't think it's overdoing it to take a look at similar positions elsewhere at other organizations. Don't let your work get to your head again. No matter how many hours you put in or how hard you work, nothing is permanent. It doesn't matter how many degrees you've got or what position you hold. If you're not good enough at it or don't maintain your level of professionalism, none of it will last. None of it matters either if people find a reason not to like you. That's just the real world.

    Your second priority is your marriage. If you haven't completely checked out mentally and emotionally from your marriage and are one step away from separating from him, you should be thinking about reconciling or working things through with counselling at the very least. You owe this to yourself and your spouse if you are not heading towards separation. Not everyone agrees with marriage counseling but it's a service available to many if they want to seek that help. He may be unsure given the events that have happened. Nothing about your writing suggests to me that you are interested in continuing with your marriage. Maybe that's why you've also checked out of this thread - it's because you're wishing you knew how to get out. Be honest with yourself and your spouse if you no longer see yourself with him. Don't continue making decisions that hurt you and your future/career and don't keep repeating the same mistakes.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    This isn't quite true, is it? I'm just going from your last post, but it sounds like you've spent a lot of your marriage questioning your relationshipóalong with yourself.

    My read, for whatever it's worth? Your marriage is based on an outdated self-conception. In your marriage you are half-frozen as a wounded 19-year-old, which was probably comfortable for a bit, what you needed, if also an unhealthy framework for partnership. Now you're 30, you've grown, no longer want to be viewed as the wounded child, feel a bit imprisoned by that identity, but that's challenging with your husbandóthe gentle nurturer, both by nature and alongside you. He's grown into a shape that best comforts a shape you've grown out of, at least in your own conception of things.

    This dude, the flirting? It's lame, yes, but it's just a symptom of (a) all of the above and (b) you not dealing with that in a mature manner. That's the big snag. You like it because you feel, at last, like a strong woman of respect, but that feeling is being delivered by adolescent-like behavior. Same coin, new side.

    Time, now, to be the grown up you are and deal with all this like a grown up. That means getting real about your marriage, actively, rather than passively seeking solace. "Getting real" might eventually mean your marriage doesn't last, but better to get to that hard place though mature steps than immature ones. Give some marital counseling a go to see if you and your husband and reconnect with each other as the people you are today, rather than who you were at 19. You may find it to be rewarding and invigorating, together, which will be much more rewarding and invigorating than the sideways version.
    Well said blue

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  6. #25

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    So much judgmental replies when the thing you wanted was not to judged. Emotional affair? Yeah, there are always going to be those who punish you for being human. How in the world are we supposed to relinquish all thoughts and feelings from our minds just because we found someone to spend our lives with? Feelings are always going to be with us. Acting on our feelings in ways that seem naughty or wrong will always be fodder for simple people to hold power over others. You love your husband and he no-doubt loves you? Yes? So live the life that keeps you sane, keeps you going in the world you both have created. After so many years you are naturally bound to feel some things differently than you did when it was brand new. So what? Life is full of ups and downs that keep us wondering. Feeling guilty about the things that happened is also natural. The only person capable of judging you is you. If I had to say anything negative about your situation, I would say that telling your husband was the part of this problem that maybe you could have just kept it to yourself. Some things are meant to be taken to the grave. Being human also means that we donít all take the news of our partnerís thoughts and feelings towards life the same. I have been where you are and I am forever grateful for the experience. You can like and or love more than just one single person at any one time thank god

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