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Thread: Just a Rebound?

  1. #1

    Just a Rebound?

    I had been seeing this guy for 6 months.. it started at work. I was 3 months fresh out of a 4 year relationship that ended unexpectedly. I had no intention of seeing anyone or dating.. I was perfectly okay with being alone. I started a new job and a couple weeks into it "he" came up to me and talked to me.. come to find out I knew him when we were kids we actually grew up in the same very small town but hadn't seen each other in nearly 20 years. We talked about mutual people we knew and that was it.. every now and then he'd come up to me and we'd talk and that'd be that... One day he sent me a friend request on Facebook and messaged me asking how I was and gave me his number saying it was easier to text. I text him and it went from there. He'd text me nearly every day asking me to hang out and I would just blow him off. One day taking a coworker home he asked to ride with and I let him. We sat on my porch and talked for hours after that and I realized I really liked conversation with him. I learned somethings about him about his ex and his son.. and how they split up and she was keeping his son from him and how upset it made him. It went from there..we spent nearly every night together sitting, talking, laughing, and even crying sometimes. We could talk to each other about ANYTHING! We went to amusement parks together, concerts, we'd go out to eat.. and we had lots of sex. One day just randomly talking about stuff he tells me he loves everything about me, I'm what he always wanted, I've made him feel ways no one ever has, I make him happy.. BUT he doesn't want a relationship right now and he didn't want his ex to find out he was seeing someone or she'd have another reason to keep his son from him..this really upset me because I really liked this guy.. I tried to stop talking to him that day and he begged me not to.. said he's not saying we'd never be anything he just needed time and he had faith in "us". A couple months go by he gets to know my kids especially my daughter who works at the same place.. he'd ask her about school and dances and say all these sweet things to her about being a great kid. I can feel myself and my kids getting closer and he's still saying "no relationship" so I try and end it again before I get hurt.. he again begs me actually refused to stop talking said I make him happy and he don't want to lose me "please just wait". We started to get VERY close after that he would say he catches himself wanting to use the "L" word and I blow his mind how I came into his life.. he would even talk about our kids being brothers and sisters if he'd stop "dragging his feet" one day a friend calls me telling me she ran into his ex who said all this bad stuff about him and she heard he was seeing someone.. my friend told her all about us and she said the "ex" said she didn't care they were going through with the divorce. The next day he tells me she's letting him see his son and they are figuring out where to go from there as far as him being a dad and her being a mom to him.. which I tell him is great and that's it.. the next 2 days he won't hardly text back or talk to me.. I ask him what's wrong just tell me and he says "I don't know what I'm doing I'm just worried about seeing my son.. I'm sorry" and that was it.. he wanted to stop talking to me.. I was so upset.. I was starting to love this guy..a few days go by and since we work together we were forced to speak.. he follows me outside and apologized for everything said he doesn't want to hurt me.. after that we talked minimally but he would say how much he cared and I was an awesome woman blah blah and he missed me... He would keep telling me he needed time to himself if I would ask why he stopped talking to me or if they were working stuff out.. well In the mean time we hung out twice and had sex..and he would say he missed me and missed talking to me.. the last time we had sex a few days ago.. he wouldn't hardly talk to me for the next 2 days after so I basically beg him to tell me if they are working stuff out and he tells me they've been talking but it's going to take time.. and he didn't know what he was doing.. he then say he cared about me and always will and don't want to hurt me anymore.. since then the guy has dRove passed my house real slow looking and asked people about me seeing anyone.. his best friend who I've known since I was 5 told me the guy said he "dug the crap out of you and I've never seen him so happy" I think he's just confused.. he wants you but feels like he has to be with her to see his son... I want to tell her about us and he begged me not to and I'm hurt and just don't know what to think.. I haven't talked to the guy at all, Does anyone think he ever liked me or cared or was it all just a big game so he wasn't lonely? I don't want to believe he used me but it's looking that way... And I'm having trouble moving on. Any advice or thoughts on it?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. You did the right thing ending it. It sounds like he was stringing you along while trying to reconcile with his ex or date around.
    Originally Posted by Conatser31
    BUT he doesn't want a relationship right now and he didn't want his ex to find out he was seeing someone.. said he's not saying we'd never be anything he just needed time and he had faith in "us". he's still saying "no relationship"

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He's not in the right head space for a relationship no matter what he says. I think this is the time now to draw that hard line and do what's right for you. You'll need to do whatever it takes to move on and not focus on him, have him over or continue having sex if you think you're too emotionally attached for the situation. In my opinion, you are far too attached for the circumstances. Things have turned upside down on you and you are continuing to see him. Please stop.

    I would stop talking about him with your friends also as this seems to be making the situation worse, broadcasting the issues to all and sundry. If you care about him and if you love yourself, be the bigger person in this case and let this guy go. He has a lot of figuring out to do and you really owe it to yourself to be respectful and move on with your life. I'm meaning respect yourself in this case, be respectful to your own present and future, your kids and your person. Don't sink into oblivion over this. Learn to say enough is enough.

    I'd limit any contact unless it's for work and remain professional and courteous. This is more for yourself than anyone else. You'll see eventually that life does go on, past these hurdles and skirmishes. You will be fine. Stay positive and do right by you and your kids.

  4. #4
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    Just a Rebound?

    Actions speak louder than words. He may tell you all these nice things - and they may very well be true - but he has made no effort in actually dating you. In fact, hes made it clear hes not interested in a relationship right now. I would take that at face value and not wait around in the hopes that things work out. He still has unfinished business with his ex. Why be with someone whos ex still has a strong influence on their dating life? Hes confused and stringing you along. Cut your losses and find someone who will only focus on you!

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  6. #5
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    It seems he's stringing you along, he said he doesn't want a relationship with you, I'd cut myself off from him, he's just confusing you.


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