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Thread: Dad and Grandma asking us to leave our apartment - is this fair?

  1. #1

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    Dad and Grandma asking us to leave our apartment - is this fair?

    My husband and I are mid 30s. We moved to the coast of SC from Indiana 3 years ago to be close to my dad's side of the family since my mom died 5 years ago.

    We have been renting a studio apartment on my grandma's property - same address but different building. My dad was living here before us. 3.5 years ago, when we told my dad we were thinking about moving down here, my dad asked us to take over this place because he wanted to live with his new girlfriend.

    So we did and we've been paying my grandma $600 a month in rent ever since. Actually it was 500 at first but she raised it on us twice in the last 2 years. We were compliant since renting here on the coast is expensive. 1,000 a month and over.

    It should be noted that after we moved in, we found out that my grandma is NOT legally supposed to be renting this place out.

    Meanwhile, my dad and his girlfriend has since broken up. Last summer, him and a buddy of his moved into a town home just the two of them. Everything on his end financially seemed fine for several months. He's retired and was going on trips to Daytona bike week, etc and to the bar every night, helping me with my car repairs, so he wasn't strapped for cash....until now.

    A month ago, my grandma mentioned that my dad might need to move back in because he's going broke here so we'd have to find a new place. I did kind of shrug it off at first because I thought there's no way my dad would put us out like that. I mean, this has been our home for 3 years.

    2 weeks ago, my dad confirmed that he wants to move back in out place by Jan 1.

    My husband and I started looking for apartments in the area and there's not much within our budget that will let us have a cat. We have had our cat for 10 years. We have no plans to have kids, so this cat is what we have.

    But very few landlords around here accept cats. And I mean very few. The only places we have found that do allow pets simply just don't have any available apartments right now.

    My dad suggested that we just don't tell any landlord about the cat, but we don't want to end up in a possible eviction or legal situation over this.

    My grandma is already starting to get pushy about us leaving asap, but as far as I'm concerned, and I mean this with love....this really shouldn't be our problem. My dad had PLENTY of money a year ago. We've been fine living here and have never been late on a rent payment.

    If they are going to put us out like this, the last they could do is be patient while we find a place. It took my dad 6 months to find a new place with his buddy. He was living in his EX's house for the whole six months while he found a new place.

    I can't help but feel as if this isn't quite right. Yet my grandma is literally acting like we're suddenly the burden on the whole family. She literally told me "Time's a wastin"

    Like, it's perfectly fine to kick out your granddaughter at Christmas time.

    Is this messed up or am I just being a baby?

    Side note: We have found more affordable places for rent out of state. However, that would mean we would both have to completely change our lives with new jobs and everything. My husband is so fed up with my dad and grandma's behavior, he's actually starting to want to get as far away from here as possible.

    Yesterday, my husband got approved for a 10k loan in case we had to just get out of dodge. I really don't want to go that much into debt but we've been backed into a corner here.
    Last edited by JDAnthony; 12-07-2019 at 07:33 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Ooof—sorry about all this.

    I don't think you're being a baby, but I also don't think there's really anything you can do. With the benefits of familial arrangements like this come very real costs, and I'd kind of look at this that way right now. It is, in the end, grandma's place to operate how she pleases, be it giving her son priority over her granddaughter or not renting it out to family at all.

    Can't say I blame your husband for the way he feels right now, just as I totally understand your frustration. But maybe this is a blessing in disguise? Are there any temporary options, like an Airbnb, that you guys could use to extend the search for the right place a bit longer?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    In my opinion, that is totally messed up. She is enabling her son to be irresponsible and immature..way to go, Mom.

    You're right, it's not your fault that your Dad messed things up and wasted his money.
    I am totally on your side with this.

    On the other hand, it's your grandma's apartment and your Dad is wanting it. Very tough spot to be in. I cannot believe family would do this either.
    I am so sorry you're going through this.
    Crossing fingers that you will find somewhere and it will be within your budget that allows animals.
    Last edited by SherrySher; 12-07-2019 at 07:58 PM.

  4. #4

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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Ooof—sorry about all this.

    I don't think you're being a baby, but I also don't think there's really anything you can do. With the benefits of familial arrangements like this come very real costs, and I'd kind of look at this that way right now. It is, in the end, grandma's place to operate how she pleases, be it giving her son priority over her granddaughter or not renting it out to family at all.

    Can't say I blame your husband for the way he feels right now, just as I totally understand your frustration. But maybe this is a blessing in disguise? Are there any temporary options, like an Airbnb, that you guys could use to extend the search for the right place a bit longer?
    Yeah, I mean I knew we couldn't stay here forever. What we didn't realize when we moved here is how expensive it is to rent here in comparison to Indiana. Up there, we never paid over 500 a month in rent. Our first apartment was $250 a month! But we were so bored in Indiana. We considered going back but decided we'd be unhappy there as we were before.

    I haven't yet debated about and Airbnb. I might mention it to him but he might hesitate as he has general trust issues with people in general. This is also why we have ruled out having roommmates because they couldn't be trusted in our past living situations.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Ask your dad if he could move into your grandma's house in his old bedroom until you guys find suitable arrangements. If that doesn't suit them then tell them that any landlord, has to give you at least two months notice before evicting you and that you are doing your best to find a place but you're going to need at the very least the legally allotted time to move. In the meantime, you are doing your best and not wasting any time.

  7. #6
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    It's your grandma's place, and she can do anything she wants with it.

    I recommend that you either find a small place you can afford, move back to Indiana, or move further inland in SC where the rents are a lot cheaper. Spending any energy thinking about 'fairness' is a waste of time.

  8. #7
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    It does seem unfair but what are you going to do . . . stay & piss off everybody? Do ask dad if he could live with grandma while you make other arrangements. Do not lie to the landlord about the cat.

    Meanwhile get a budget together & figure out what you are going to need to do to get a new place.

    Then never trust any of these family members again financially.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    It's your grandma's place, and she can do anything she wants with it.
    No when she's charging them rent she can't. Now that rent has been paid, it's not a landlord/tenant agreement and the same rules apply to grandma/landlord and granddaughter/tenant as would any stranger landlord and tenant.

  10. #9

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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    In my opinion, that is totally messed up. She is enabling her son to be irresponsible and immature..way to go, Mom.
    ]
    You're right, it's not your fault that your Dad messed things up and wasted his money.
    I am totally on your side with this.

    On the other hand, it's your grandma's apartment and your Dad is wanting it. Very tough spot to be in. I cannot believe family would do this either.
    I am so sorry you're going through this.
    Crossing fingers that you will find somewhere and it will be within your budget that allows animals.
    Thank you! I don't like to speak badly about my dad but he has been irresponsible with his money, in a couple of other ways I haven't even mentioned. Ultimately, I feel as if we are paying for a series of mistakes that he made.


    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    It's your grandma's place, and she can do anything she wants with it.

    I recommend that you either find a small place you can afford, move back to Indiana, or move further inland in SC where the rents are a lot cheaper. Spending any energy thinking about 'fairness' is a waste of time.
    Yeah, that's true. My husband doesn't want to move further inland or back to Indiana (and neither do I). He said if we had to do that, he'd rather just go to the western states where he'd just be happier away from the hustle and bustle of "the city."

    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Ask your dad if he could move into your grandma's house in his old bedroom until you guys find suitable arrangements. If that doesn't suit them then tell them that any landlord, has to give you at least two months notice before evicting you and that you are doing your best to find a place but you're going to need at the very least the legally allotted time to move. In the meantime, you are doing your best and not wasting any time.
    My grandma does have an extra room she pretty much just uses for storage. I wouldn't want him to be out on the street of course, so I might mention that.

  11. #10
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    Yep, when I had roommates I had to give them appropriate advance notice and give them that amount of time to find a new rental (I gave them 2 months). I couldn't just toss them out.

    And it doesn't matter if she shouldn't legally have been renting it out. That's her problem. She still has to follow the letter of the law.

    She's playing hardball. Maybe it's time to play it right back. Two months.

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