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Thread: 4 dates and no kiss..what to do?

  1. #1
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    4 dates and no kiss..what to do?

    Been on 4 dates with a religious girl...and it's all out of whack.
    1st date had my arm around her...but no kiss.
    2nd date went awkward because essentially I broke my foot and couldn't walk.
    3rd date literally nothing happened, I walked her to her door but just got the hug.
    4th date was weird. I had my arm around her...she was stroking my chest, night came to a close...I went for a kiss...she said give her more time to get to know me.
    Super frustrating...I respected it and said it's totally fine...but for me it really isn't fine. she texts me every day so I know she's interested.
    What the heck do I do here? Or is she not as interested as I think?

  2. #2
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    As you stated...she is a religious girl aka no sex until marriage. I grew up in an extremely religious home, I have 2 sisters; we are all very different. I, the oldest, am the rebellious black sheep that if I could get away with it in the moment, I did it. The middle sister is the one we refer to as "the golden child" she has never done anything wrong, married the first boy she dated and kissed and waited until her wedding night to have sex. She follows God's word to the letter and is extremely judgmental (I have a feeling it is this sister you are dating). Finally there is the youngest sister, she believes in God and being a good, kind, moral person, but likes to have fun and understands today's society. She isn't afraid to express who she is and doesn't deny herself what she wants within her beliefs. She will have a few drinks, kiss, have premarital sex with a serious bf.

    This girl is interested in you, but you will be waiting a long time for that kiss and until your wedding night for anything more. If you can't wait, then she's not the woman for you.

  3. #3
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Are you trying to get laid or do you want a serious relationship?

    Different people raised in different cultural circumstances, even the same circumstances, can have very different bars for physical intimacy. It is not fair to impose your expectations on your partner, especially as the guy. Either accept her pace, or peace out.

    I have a friend I initially met on Tinder years ago, she is very pretty (mixed Chinese and Russian heritage) and gets a LOT of male attention. She declined to meet me a few times, even though we talked quite a lot, so I assumed that she just wanted a pen pal, or was too busy dating other guys and not actually that interested in me. We kept in touch though, and over time, I discovered that, for personal reasons I won't get into here, she simply had a policy of not meeting anyone until they have spoken online for 2 months+. (I have told her it is not a great strategy for catching great men, but she is stubborn if nothing else). I did meet her as a platonic friend a few times and I assure you she was no cat-fish, she is just extremely conservative when it comes to dating, not religious, but pretty much no sex until marriage. I am pretty sure she is still a virgin at 25. And you know what? Although that is too conservative even for me, she seems happy with her choice, so I respect her choice.

    If you equate physical intimacy with "progress" in a relationship, then dating a religious girl is probably not going to work for you. For her, a kiss will mean a lot more than it will for you, sex even more so.

  4. #4
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    If you are already frustrated, and you're not fine with no physical intimacy thus far, this isn't the person for you.

    She operates by a different set of standards than you. What you are looking at is a fundamental incompatibility between you two that is going to make a relationship very strained.

    I think you would be better off seeking out a girl whose set of values is more similar to your own.

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  6. #5
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    She’s not the girl for you so tell her that.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Give her time.

    Respect what she asked. Not every woman you meet is ready to get intimate with someone they barely know. 4 dates is hardly anything.

    If you really like her, then give her time. Concentrate more on romancing her. Flowers, notes, messages that let her know you really like her.

    Allow her to go at her own pace.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MirrorKnight
    I have a friend I initially met on Tinder years ago, she is very pretty (mixed Chinese and Russian heritage) and gets a LOT of male attention. She declined to meet me a few times, even though we talked quite a lot, so I assumed that she just wanted a pen pal, or was too busy dating other guys and not actually that interested in me. We kept in touch though, and over time, I discovered that, for personal reasons I won't get into here, she simply had a policy of not meeting anyone until they have spoken online for 2 months+. (I have told her it is not a great strategy for catching great men, but she is stubborn if nothing else). I did meet her as a platonic friend a few times and I assure you she was no cat-fish, she is just extremely conservative when it comes to dating, not religious, but pretty much no sex until marriage. I am pretty sure she is still a virgin at 25. And you know what? Although that is too conservative even for me, she seems happy with her choice, so I respect her choice.
    I find this interesting that it is perfectly acceptable for a woman not to want to meet a guy quickly, but based on many answers on this forum - mainly from the female responders - that if a guys wants to chat for a couple of weeks to get to know a girl before asking her our, he 'likely just wants to be a pen friend and you should look for someone more interested in taking you out'.

    Another double standard of today's dating game.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Keyman
    I find this interesting that it is perfectly acceptable for a woman not to want to meet a guy quickly, but based on many answers on this forum - mainly from the female responders - that if a guys wants to chat for a couple of weeks to get to know a girl before asking her our, he 'likely just wants to be a pen friend and you should look for someone more interested in taking you out'.

    Another double standard of today's dating game.
    What made you come up with that conclusion??
    I have read and re read the above responses and can only assume you didn’t read the above responses?

    Can you please quote the “many” female responders that gave you that idea??

  10. #9
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    She is a girl who waits , you are a man who doesn't want to take things this slow ...so it is not a match buddy ! Simple .

  11. #10
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Keyman
    I find this interesting that it is perfectly acceptable for a woman not to want to meet a guy quickly, but based on many answers on this forum - mainly from the female responders - that if a guys wants to chat for a couple of weeks to get to know a girl before asking her our, he 'likely just wants to be a pen friend and you should look for someone more interested in taking you out'.

    Another double standard of today's dating game.
    I have never shied away from the fact that I believe men and women are different, with absolutely no implication of superiority or inferiority, just different. So yes, double standards do apply, and I don't think there is inherently anything wrong with it. The real world is not perfectly fair, why must it be, in this regard?

    Also I did not say I personally find my friend's policy acceptable. In fact I have advised her on multiple occasions to drop it and it certainly ruined any chances we had. But I respect her choice, and as I say, she seems happier than the average 20-something pretty girl bouncing from one failed relationship to the next, so who am I to judge?

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