Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 30

Thread: Mother in Law tearing us apart?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    6

    Mother in Law tearing us apart?

    First post, and this is a long one. I would appreciate any advice or points of view. I just need a refresher.
    So me and BF have been together for 3.5yrs we have a 2 yr old son. So breakup isn’t exactly the best course of action.
    I have always had a love hate relationship with my BF’s mother. She is incredibly controlling because she has been a single mom all her life and has never had an opposing opinion to fight against. She is used to getting her way.
    We lived with her for 3 years up until 3 weeks ago when tensions had been boiling over for about 2 months. The final straw was an argument in which I talked back to her and she sent me packing my bags. BF and son obviously came with and we have been living at my parents.
    Ever since we left her home she has been texting BF (I checked his phone, I know I was in the wrong). Their conversations are a mixture of her insulting me and my family and her asking how BF and son are.
    I have made it clear to BF that they are free to see her and his family. I will not keep them isolated or away from them. No matter how hurt I am.
    And incident happened this past Sunday when BF and son were meant to go visit her but BF’s shift got extended at work so it would not make sense to have to pick up son so late from her house. When my BF informed his mom she blew her top. Our son did end up going to visit her after getting a ride to her house and from her house.
    However yesterday after reading his texts again I saw that she claimed that I was keeping them from her. That I was stopping them from visiting her. She then demanded that they visit her one a week or she will take us to court for grandparent rights (we live in California if that matters). I also texted my BF’s sister while my son was at their house to ask how my son was (mom instincts obviously) well mother in law took offense to that and claimed that I was checking up on her. And that I should leave them alone?? While watching my son?
    So here is where my part comes in. After reading those texts I was upset and posted some comments to my Snapchat where I have her added as a friend. One of them said “the last thing I want to do is take relationship advice from a 40 year old who has never had a stable relationship” “every man leaves you for a reason”
    Then I posted one saying “be a big girl and talk to me” she saw them like I intended her to. And she texted BF who is upset that I said those things about her. I am not upset I said those things as I was mad. But I want to hear from other perspectives. What do you guys think? How can I approach?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,887
    Gender
    Female
    Don't approach anymore. You're doing a lot of damage micromanaging items that you should be leaving to rest. If your son is at his grandparent's place, let them be. Do not over-text people or damage your family relationships by micromanaging. Have you recently returned to work? Being away from your child in the first year or two can be very disconcerting and disturbing for a lot of mums.

    The snapchat episode was very inappropriate and I think you owe your boyfriend's mother an apology for that type of public commentary. It's airing dirty laundry and has all kinds of terrible things written on it. All it does is reflect back on you and what type of person you are. You are coming across as someone who is controlling, negative, aggressive and vengeful. Be very aware of the platforms and methods you use for communication. Sometimes letting things cool down is the best thing you can do in order to let a situation work itself out naturally. There is a time and place for everything and social media is not the place to work out family differences.

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    790
    Gender
    Female
    Why is it that you aren't living on your own with your child? Do you both work?

    I think you should take a step back and be the bigger person here. Stop making snarky comments on social media and try to make peace with his family. Do grandparents have rights in California?

    There's nothing to be gained by carrying on a hostile relationship with them and everything to lose.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,798
    I think it was wrong of you to post what you did for several reasons -would you let your child hit someone or destroy property "because I was mad"? She is not your mother in law. She is your child's grandmother and your boyfriend's mother - is part of the tension here because you're not married? I mean it's none of her business but perhaps that's a factor in the tension between the two of you.

    For the sake of your son please apologize to your boyfriend's mother. And if you truly believe that kind of attack on her was justified I'd get some counseling (I know, it's hard to find the time but you are tearing your family apart, not your son's grandmother, at this point).

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    6
    Thank you all for the messages. I appreciate the point of views and really just needed to hear from parties that are not biased.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,326
    Gender
    Female
    You say that you lived with his parents for 3 years until there was a blowup between your boyfriend's mother and you because you "talked back to her"
    You seem to think that she needs to change.
    She welcomed you into her home (who knows if you paid any rent) and sent you packing because you dared badmouth her in her own home.
    YOU are the one who need to apologize to her.


    After reading those texts I was upset and posted some comments to my Snapchat where I have her added as a friend.


    Unless you are a 15 year old teen mom who grew up in a very broken, impolite home, you should know better. Why would you EVER in 500 years say this?

    YES you are keeping her son AND your son from her by being a rude, childish, unpleasant woman.
    Change your ways - your boyfriend had to make a choice between you and mom - he chose you. There will be a breaking point and he may choose his mom someday.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,731
    she saw them like I intended her to. And she texted BF who is upset that I said those things about her. I am not upset I said those things as I was mad
    Being angry at someone isn't an excuse to act like an a$$hole. What did you think you would accomplish by doing this?

    Knowing that this is how you respond in anger, it's not surprising that there was tension between the two of you.

    Do you want to resolve things between the two of you? If so you need to focus on yourself and how you interact with her and take some personal responsibility for your behavior instead of blaming her for the problems in your relationship.

    If you want to resolve things you need to start by reflecting on why she irritates you so much, while also trying to see things from her perspective, communicating respectfully and appropriately, and trying to find some common ground that you can both work towards to making the relationship better.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    london
    Posts
    12,017
    Just keep your own counsel here ...carry on with your original plan of your b/friend sorting out access and going to his mums and stop looking at his phone ..you are winding yourself up then lashing out ...people b1tch and gossip and say stuff ...so leave her to it ...you then look like the bad one hitting her with some low moves on the imternet , where she can keep a copy of it all and if she chooses to she could do some damage with all of that .

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,326
    Gender
    Female
    If you want to know how your child is doing when he is with your boyfriend's mother, you call her. And if your son is with his GRANDMOTHER for a few hours, leave them alone. use that time to get stuff done without your child around vs spending the whole time checking up. You don't call OTHER people. You need to learn many life skills quickly or you will find yourself with no boyfriend and in a custody agreement that you will not like.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,326
    Gender
    Female
    it takes a big person to apologize and i think you should see a counselor and figure out how you are going to stop burning bridges with people. Do you work?

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •