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Thread: Mother in Law tearing us apart?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by needadvice10
    I currently do not talk to her, is there any way to repair and come back from this?
    Yes but you will need to grow up a bit. What steps are you & your BF taking to become financially independent from both sets of parents. Going from living with his mom (rent free) to living with your parents (rent free) is an indication that you & your guy need some adulting lessons.

    That said, first delete the snapchat posts. Second recognize that the worst thing you can do when upset is post to social media. You need to learn to keep your own counsel. Howl at the moon in private if you must but no public outcries.

    Now send her some flowers. Seriously you have to make the grand gesture here.

    Once you have good control over your emotions, reach out with a phone call & invite your BF's mom to have coffee with you in a public place to talk about how you can mend fences & maintain communication between her & her grandson. Do not even think about trying to address such an emotional minefield through text. Only face to face communication will get you through this.

    You are going to have to learn to bite your tongue. If you think she's putting your kid in danger that is one thing but any other disagreements need to be handled calmly

  2. #22
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    Your son (or boyfriend for that matter) cannot be the source of contention between you and your mother-in-law if things are to get better.

    If you do not wish to have a close relationship with your mother-in-law then try your best to keep correspondence civil and strictly on whats best for your son.

    Best not to air your grievances with her on snapchat moving forward. Or, go digging for ammunition through your boyfriends phone.

    In-laws do need to be mindful of boundaries set forth by the parents. You, your boyfriend, and your mother-in-law all need to be in agreement with what those boundaries are.

    We don't want to see this turn into the next episode for Dr. Phil. 😬

    Goodluck!

  3. #23
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by needadvice10
    is there any way to repair and come back from this?
    There is, yes. The circumstances of your life, at 21 or 22, mean you essentially need to fast-tract the self-growth and maturity. Subtract the kid from all this and, well, it could be a weird chapter you look back on at 25 or 30. But the kid cannot be subtracted, and thank god for that, since human lives are awesome and so, for that matter, are mature humans. Time to become the latter so you can nurture the former. While you presently feel boxed in to a corner, if you can change your perspective a bit you can see that stretching out before you are a lot wins to be had, as there is no win in life quite like learning to be a legit grownup.

    His mother is his mother. She's not going anywhere, nor is she going to magically become a completely different person. Keep anointing her the boogeyman and she'll become that. So take a humbler approach, by anointing yourself a young woman who is ready to grow a few inches taller, emotionally, and keep leaning into that. The days of text avalanches, phone snooping, and a Snap vengeance are behind you, freeing up space for you to be an awesome woman in your own skin, an awesome partner, and an awesome mother.

    Think you're up for that kind of challenge? I get that it might feel a bit like climbing Everest this second, but you know what? The view from Everest is extraordinary, so keep climbing toward the summit and call the swamps for what they are: things you just get stuck in, so not worth your time or energy.

  4. #24
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Have you heard the expression, "two women cannot live under the same roof?" After living at his mother's home for three years, I'm surprised there haven't been any knock down-drag out fights.

    That said, I agree with others that you need to keep the peace and make amends with his mother despite your disagreements. I also have a MIL, whom I've never had any issues with but then again I'd never feel comfortable living with her. Pick your battles, and work on getting your own home/apt.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need to grow up and act like an adult, your nasty messages will keep that wedge between you and her deep for a long time if you keep doing stupid stuff like that.

    Why dont you and bf and child have your own place? Why live with anyone's parents?

  7. #26
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    You understand that attacking her on snapchat was a bad idea, so I wont bother to get into it again.
    Your boyfriends mom does sound rude, but for her to reject you so much, I think wed all need a bit more backstory. As it stands now, the relationship between you two is damaged and from my perspective itd be good to give it a rest for the sake of everyone. If she texts insulting things about you just try to ignore it and give her as little fuel as possible by just being polite and reserved. Tell your boyfriend you dont even want to hear what she says if its hurtful. Dont snoop anymore. It wont help, but only make you angry. You cant win this battle, shes still your sons grandma and his fathers mom.
    I can understand how frustrating it must be though. And I also understand that leaving your child with anyone at the age of 2 is hard. They need very special care at that age and its only natural for moms to want to know if he napped ok, if he ate his lunch etc etc. So for anyone to tell you not to check up on your child, I have to disagree. It takes time to be comfortable and there should be a middle ground in which you slowly learn to trust others with him and for others to understand to give you an update maybe once or twice. I agree, making the sister the mediator isnt helpful and I would ask bfs mom out for coffee or to come over for dinner and have a heart to heart. Apologize for what you said and tell her youd love for your son to be around her and youd also like to hear how he is sporadically.

  8. #27
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    If you're old enough to have a child, then why aren't you living on your own?

    I think your behavior was childish, ungrateful and outrageous. I cannot fathom why you would post those comments on social media. Not smart.

    You owe her an apology. Be a better example to your child.

    How old are you?

  9. #28
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    Basically agree with everyone else. The Snapchat posts were passive aggressive, immature and nasty. You had a dig at her relationship history and that actually has nothing to do with your situation. So you just made that comment to be hurtful. There is the saying "Two wrongs don't make it right". So you are not ever going to reconcile with your mother-in-law if you keep doing things like this. I imagine your relationship may have been better if you didn't live with her for three years. She was probably telling you what to do because it's her house and you lived under her roof. If you'd been more independent this may not have happened. I think you need to try to get along and be civil because otherwise things might get worse. This is your child's grandma so you need to work this out so your son can know her.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Good you moved out and back to your parents. Living off her was not working out for you. She's not your mother in law and there is no such thing as 'grandparent rights'. She sounds like a broken person. Your bf has every right to communicate with her and visit her with his son. So stay out of that. Focus on your child and a good home for him. go back to school and make sure you have good employment. Stop the catfight with his mother. Stop posting immature crap to her or about her on social media. You are doing everything you can to push this guy out of your life by being rude and unappreciative. Stop living off people.
    Originally Posted by needadvice10
    So me and BF have been together for 3.5yrs we have a 2 yr old son.
    I have always had a love hate relationship with my BFs mother.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Step 1: stop snooping her texts.
    Step 2: stop posting insults.
    Step 3: put your eyes on your own paper and manage your own household, especially to the degree that you can move into a place of your own so that no more alienation from anyone's family can occur.
    Step 4: gain enough distance from this that you can offer son's grandmother an apology and start behaving like an adult instead of a dependent teenager.

    Your son will learn what he sees, so decide to teach self sufficiency and love of family by example.

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