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Thread: Am I too sensitive?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If he won't acknowledge his comments are hurtful, I think you should acknowledge your own pain and the effect it's having on your psyche and your life. Your quality of life seems very low. Most people wouldn't stand for those comments (stupid or abusive) and would dissociate or avoid individuals like this. He may even have serious misgivings about you as his wife and isn't dealing with those issues well enough.

    Have you stopped reacting to your emotions for a second to have any sort of civilized discussion with him rather than telling him to get help every time he makes a comment? That can be interpreted as passive aggressive and a bit resentful on your part.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    I think you're being overly sensitive. It sounds to me like he just has a good sense of humor and your panties are in a wad. :)
    Are you serious, Sarah? What he tells her is downright hurtful and insulting, IMO. He may put it in the form of a joke but it's not funny nor amusing in any way. Like one poster said, he is an a$$hole. She apparently bought those boots because she like them. He should have kept his big mouth shut. What's the saying? Oh yeah, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

    He certainly sounds like a disrespectful, thoughtless and unsophisticated individual.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    The only way to let him see that his comments are rude, is turn it on him. When he made comment about your boots, you should have told him right there, what he said was rude, and it would be no different than you calling his boots that gay guys would wear. That will snap him out of it. That comment about his friend going through a divorce, blaming it on a clingy family...you could have said "Oh I doubt that's the reason...probably because he a total jerk and his wife smartened up and ask him for a divorce." Throw it right back at him.

  4. #24
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I agree with throwing it back at him. When he says your boots look like lesbian shoes, just say "Yeah, after being married to you, I'm thinking about playing for the other side."

    Come on. His comments are stupid, not abusive and psychopathic.

    Just tonight I put on a pair of printed tights to go out, and when I asked my husband how I looked he said, "They look like pajamas." I didn't rush into therapy over it. I figured he was right and changed.
    Last edited by SarahLancaster; 11-05-2019 at 07:10 PM.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Totally agree with DancingF and Wiseman. OP please follow their advice. He knows exactly what he is doing.
    I agree as well. Trust me, he knows exactly what he is doing. Sounds like my ex. They make these moronic remarks in order to make themselves feel superior at our expense.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    I agree with throwing it back at him. When he says your boots look like lesbian shoes, just say "Yeah, after being married to you, I'm thinking about playing for the other side."

    Come on. His comments are stupid, not abusive and psychopathic.

    Just tonight I put on a pair of printed tights to go out, and when I asked my husband how I looked he said, "They look like pajamas." I didn't rush into therapy over it. I figured he was right and changed.
    "I agree with throwing it back at him. When he says your boots look like lesbian shoes, just say "Yeah, after being married to you, I'm thinking about playing for the other side." Sarah, this is perfect! Wish I had the guts to have said something like this to my idiotic ex.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    OP there is nothing wrong with being sensitive. For whatever reason I was always attracted to men that complained about me being sensitive so they could justify jokes and snarky comments at my expense... I would try to buck up and tolerate it but it wore me down little by little until I was a shadow of myself.

    I decided I actually wanted to embrace my sensitive side instead... and discovered a whole new world of people that appreciate my sensitivity, including my current BF.

    There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive human being that wants to be treated kindly, you just need to find people in your life with that value in common.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by maew
    OP there is nothing wrong with being sensitive. For whatever reason I was always attracted to men that complained about me being sensitive so they could justify jokes and snarky comments at my expense... I would try to buck up and tolerate it but it wore me down little by little until I was a shadow of myself.

    I decided I actually wanted to embrace my sensitive side instead... and discovered a whole new world of people that appreciate my sensitivity, including my current BF.

    There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive human being that wants to be treated kindly, you just need to find people in your life with that value in common.
    What great advice.

    It's easy, here in the bleacher seats, to say that you're overly sensitive (and just need to say x next time) or that he's an overbearing creep (in which case you do y). But the brass tacks here are that you guys don't get along in a way that makes you feel cherished, comfortable.

    I have friends in healthy relationships who snap at each other with sharp tongues. Seems to work: reptile skin and reptile skin, with things said that could cut me to the core being laughed about minutes later. I'm hardly a pushover and can easily knock someone off a high horse when needed, as I'm a tall man who has always been quick at turning language into a machete if the moment calls for it. But in matters of the heart, I just can't operate that way; I'm soft, tender, and need that kind of seen and appreciated as such. My default mode is to raise the white flag, which just doesn't work with people who need to fire off a few rounds here and there.

    Not sure how old you are, if you have kids or how long you've been married—and I know that imagining ending a marriage is supremely difficult. But it might be worth asking yourself if you can really see yourself being happy living alongside him, reflecting on the answers that come for a bit, and then proceeding from there rather than looking for ways to train yourself for battles you don't even want to fight.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Escalating this does not change things. Unfortunately, your husband has conditioned you to normalize rancor and disrespect so much so that you ran to respond to his insult. Not everyone wants to live in a war zone.
    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    I agree with throwing it back at him. When he says your boots look like lesbian shoes, just say "Yeah, after being married to you, I'm thinking about playing for the other side." Just tonight I put on a pair of printed tights to go out, and when I asked my husband how I looked he said, "They look like pajamas." I didn't rush into therapy over it. I figured he was right and changed.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I agree but was curious -had he never before seen childhood pictures of you?
    He has and never said anything until he seen the picture of me on my citizenship card.

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