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Thread: Am I too sensitive?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Klara
    My Husband is a police officer/soldier in the reserves. Sometimes the things he says to me are borderline abusive but to him they're funny. He lacks a filter and we have gotten into really bad arguments about some of his comments.

    I think I'm getting to the point of being really worn down by his personality/comments. I'm on an antidepressant and anxiety medications. I sometimes think I'm too sensitive but I'm honestly not sure anymore and just confused.

    These are some of the things he's said to me this week alone:
    1) I bought ankle boots and he said they look like "lesbian shoes"
    2) my Mom found my lost citizenship card. The picture of me on it is when I was 9. He said wow ugly duckling but at least you're pretty now.
    3) I'm very close with my Mom. We recently moved into a new house and I don't have time to see her as I'm busy with unpacking. I vented to him that she's being a bit annoying with wanting to see me. He then told me that his buddy is divorcing his wife of 10 years because of her family being too clingy/close (I won't even get into his family)

    I need some advice and am thinking of getting some counselling to help me.
    They're very stupid and insensitive comments, OP. There are low brain waves on the other end.
    I can't even take them seriously or in a sinister way because the IQ and wit is lacking so badly. This is very unfortunate considering you're married and would seem to have a lifetime together with this dull commentary. My concern is really your exposure to his stupidity.

    As you're married, I agree with the counselling or therapy to help you rebuild your self-esteem. You seem very broken by his comments. Do you have low self-esteem in the first place?

    Try and keep the comments about your parents or relatives out of the negative sphere even with your spouse.

  2. #12

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    Originally Posted by greendots
    I'll be blunt, I don't find any of your husband's remarks even remotely funny. It's disrespectful. You are his wife, not some recruit at boot camp.
    He is a textbook bully. Picking on other people in order to deal with his own, pathetic, insecurities!

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by greendots
    I'll be blunt, I don't find any of your husband's remarks even remotely funny. It's disrespectful. You are his wife, not some recruit at boot camp.

    How long have you been together and how long have you been married? Also are the bad arguments purely verbal (for example: yelling, insulting someone, etc.) or even physical (e.g. grabbing your wrist forcefully)? I'm just looking for some insight on how your husband resolves conflict and to get a clear picture of your situation.
    I would also ask if he has been on deployment or course recently . That tends to bring out “ you’re my troop” mentality.

  4. #14
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    Hi there, honestly I've told him a thousand times that the crap that he blurts out hurts me. It just comes out of no where. It takes me by surprise.

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  6. #15
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    He is an azzhole! Was he like this before marriage?

    He does not have any respect for you. He is a crude, abusive jerk!

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    I don't think it's you, nor do you need counseling.

    Your husband needs to read a book on how to stop being an A$$HOLE! Let me guess, if you told him this he would want to fight me - right?
    Thank you. I don't think it's me deep down inside either. I told him a hundred times he needs to go speak to someone about this. These comments come out of no where. They take me by surprise. I've just stopped being happy because I never know when he'll open his stupid mouth. He wouldn't dare say this to one of his friends though, but his wife.... absolutely.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Totally agree with DancingF and Wiseman. OP please follow their advice. He knows exactly what he is doing.
    Hi LaHernes!!! Great to see you 😍

    I agree with them, as well. This guy is an abusive bully, who will not change!

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Klara
    Thank you. I don't think it's me deep down inside either. I told him a hundred times he needs to go speak to someone about this. These comments come out of no where. They take me by surprise. I've just stopped being happy because I never know when he'll open his stupid mouth. He wouldn't dare say this to one of his friends though, but his wife.... absolutely.
    Why do you stay? Do you have kids?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That's because he likes to ambush you with his "humor". Which as you correctly identified, is actually verbal/mental abuse. This has nothing to do with his military service or law enforcement profession. It has to do with sadistic tenancies and getting a hoot out of your obvious distress. Of course he doesn't do this to others.

    Do not listen to people who tell you "you've got your panties in a bunch lighten up", get professional help and advice apart from and private from him. Stop telling him it bothers you. It's like providing him with a guidebook on how escalate the cruelty. Walk away. Realize being cruel is fun for him.
    Originally Posted by Klara
    Thank you. I don't think it's me deep down inside either. I told him a hundred times he needs to go speak to someone about this. These comments come out of no where. They take me by surprise. I've just stopped being happy because I never know when he'll open his stupid mouth. He wouldn't dare say this to one of his friends though, but his wife.... absolutely.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Klara
    Thank you. I don't think it's me deep down inside either. I told him a hundred times he needs to go speak to someone about this. These comments come out of no where. They take me by surprise. I've just stopped being happy because I never know when he'll open his stupid mouth. He wouldn't dare say this to one of his friends though, but his wife.... absolutely.
    Telling someone who wants to hurt you that he is actually hurting is an act of futility. You see that now right? You are basically encouraging him to carry on. Also, he doesn't act like that with others because he knows better or rather he knows there will be immediate consequences to him. In short, he knows good and well what he is doing and picks carefully who he does what to. This is not some goofy guy with an off sense of humor. If that were the case, he'd act like that with everyone with zero exceptions.

    Stop. Talk to a lawyer, get your ducks in a row and leave him.

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