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Thread: Tell me this is “normal”

  1. #21
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    I agree and with that and it’s even more important to be honest because you got what you claimed to want - you had fun and you were wanted sexually. You didnÂ’t tell yourself you wanted him to want you as a date or want to see you again. But you wouldn’t be analyzing this in this way if you truly only wanted a fun night and someone who wanted to have sex with you.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    These are two separate issues. One is he's married, just separated, playing the field, etc. the other is your insecurities. They are not related. Do not try to "win" a booby-prize like this to prove anything to yourself. It will backfire.
    Originally Posted by Kricket123
    So to answer a question, he pursued me and was charming and sweet. But I literally only saw him 3 times. I guess there’s no point in trying to follow up with him, right?

    I guess I also worry that I was somehow bad in bed, and that turned him off. But although comparability can differ, sure, I think for a first time things were just fine. I didn’t do anything weird and nothing felt awkward.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He's not interested. I'd take this as a blessing in disguise that you spent only three dates together. That's not much time wasted to see someone's true colours. My husband was separated when we met. We're now married (I'm his second wife). Meet new people. Go out and have fun. Don't let this bring you down.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think he just wanted to get laid, and he did. Take it slowly with the next guy, and forget about this first guy.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Communicate! Guys are not mind readers. Not all women are looking for a relationship neither. He just assumed you both just wanted to get laid, and have some fun. It was a good time, simply move onto the next.

  7. #26
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    I have to say that most times, guys have not pushed for physical intimacy so soon (I think this guy would have slept with me on the second date and the third date was the very next night) so by the time it’s come about, we’ve had a more organic conversation about what I wanted/he wanted. In this case, he acted like he wanted to date (saying “we have to do X in the future) and he told me that he was not dating anyone else but me at the time. So because I wanted to be physical with him, I went with it. I did follow up and was sweet and we slept together. I just wasn’t expecting his interest to go from seemingly strong to zero. And I know this happens, but it’s why I wanted to hear that it does and that it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me. I’m not built for casual anyway—I am sensitive and kind and want a real connection.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Kricket123
    I have to say that most times, guys have not pushed for physical intimacy so soon (I think this guy would have slept with me on the second date and the third date was the very next night) so by the time it’s come about, we’ve had a more organic conversation about what I wanted/he wanted. In this case, he acted like he wanted to date (saying “we have to do X in the future) and he told me that he was not dating anyone else but me at the time. So because I wanted to be physical with him, I went with it. I did follow up and was sweet and we slept together. I just wasn’t expecting his interest to go from seemingly strong to zero. And I know this happens, but it’s why I wanted to hear that it does and that it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me. I’m not built for casual anyway—I am sensitive and kind and want a real connection.
    I think what you were interpreting as strong was mostly sweet words and compliments and chemistry - not strong as in future potential -many people mention future dating plans but he didn't ask you out on another date, time and place so it's irrelevant other than mildly flattering. And sure he may not have been dating anyone else at the time but in a casual arrangement that can change the next day or even sooner. And he's still married so he can't actually date or date with any serious potential. As he told you.

    Of course it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you -the only thing wrong is you weren't completely honest with yourself and you chose short term gratification - wanting to be physical and "going with it" without caring about yourself as a sensitive person who wants a real connection. It's also irrelevant that he pushed for physical intimacy -you have a choice to walk away and anyway, you wanted to have sex with him so who cares?

  9. #28
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    so....when did you find out that he's married -- in the "getting to know you" portion before going out or after he had slept wth you?

  10. #29
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kricket123
    I’m not built for casual anyway—I am sensitive and kind and want a real connection.
    Wonderful stuff, all that. But also not quite what you led with, by which I don't mean sex but the story you were telling yourself when meeting him: tough breakup, time for some fun, and so on. No biggie. Sometimes we tell ourselves half-true stories to get to the real truth, and sometimes it takes a little moment like this to realize what we truly really want in "getting back out there."

    Being probably more analytical than this encounter warrants, I can't help but wonder if his being recently separated was kind of a plus initially, in that it made him a kind of "shallow" pool to wade into after being on land for a bit. Could only get so serious, and so on. No judgement, if so. The first person I was imitate with after my last breakup lived 3,000 miles away, rendering her "semi" available at best, which I'm sure appealed to me subconsciously while quickly proving (like in days) to be at odds with what I authentically wanted.

    There's nothing wrong with you, in short, and nothing wrong with him. He's just a man on the planet who you hardly know, and as such should carry zero influence in your life and how you view yourself.

  11. #30
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    He said he was separated on his way to divorce in his online dating profile. I didn’t ask how long he had been separated and out of the house with his wife until date 3 (he moved out 5 months ago). I had been in a previous actual relationship with someone who was separated and had lived apart from his wife for two years and the divorce wasn’t done because of financial issues. My ex hadn’t dated for a solid year after leaving the house. So that didn’t immediately put me off but maybe it should. Then I remembered this guy made a remark about how he hadn’t been trying to date until now, and in hindsight, he might be very much emotionally unavailable.

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