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Thread: Hurting Pretty bad

  1. #21
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    How the hell do I quit on a friendship and not think of it. Things were definitely taken out of context. I'm just suppose to just let everything go with my friend and not know why? Wouldn't bother anyone else if your friend just up and stopped wanting to be friends with you?

  2. #22
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    You say her ex was a narcissist, but you are coming across more so than him. He was right to object to her emotionally cheating on him with you, if she truly did kiss you and tell you that she loved you. You cannot call a guy paranoid if you really are out to get him.

    Everything you say is all about you, about how you feel about her, about how bad you feel about losing her, how you feel like you are owed an explanation.

    You are deluded if you think this is a platonic friendship and you care about her just as a friend.

    Maybe she is trying to reconcile with her ex and (rightly) knows to cut you out of her life to give that relationship any chance of survival?

  3. #23
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    The kisses she would give me was on the cheek everytime it happened and we would tell each other we loved each other as friends. I have other friends that I do that to as well. Both male and female, never had an issue with it till now. I do love my friends but not like that. I just don't like loosing someone like most people. I'm not calling him paranoid. She has messaged me for almost two years several times a week about how bad he is to her. All I have done is support her decisions of what she chooses to do. I didn't put any ideas in her head. I let her think for herself. Now it feels like I'm loosing my friend from something that was taken the wrong way. I never expected anything from her nor did I ever think we would be anything more than friends. I know we aren't each other's types. I know it would never work. We cleared that air near the beginning of our friendship.

    Was it wrong to get kisses on the cheek from her as us being friends? I take friendships seriously because it all I've had for most of my life. My parents abandoned me when I was young so all there was I had was friends.

  4. #24
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Aj86
    The kisses she would give me was on the cheek everytime it happened and we would tell each other we loved each other as friends. I have other friends that I do that to as well. Both male and female, never had an issue with it till now. I do love my friends but not like that. I just don't like loosing someone like most people. I'm not calling him paranoid. She has messaged me for almost two years several times a week about how bad he is to her. All I have done is support her decisions of what she chooses to do. I didn't put any ideas in her head. I let her think for herself. Now it feels like I'm loosing my friend from something that was taken the wrong way. I never expected anything from her nor did I ever think we would be anything more than friends. I know we aren't each other's types. I know it would never work. We cleared that air near the beginning of our friendship.

    Was it wrong to get kisses on the cheek from her as us being friends? I take friendships seriously because it all I've had for most of my life. My parents abandoned me when I was young so all there was I had was friends.
    Clearly you do not understand appropriate boundaries and nor did she.

    Frankly I do not believe you when you say you just thought of her as a friend, but if it is true, you need to re-evaluate whether you are trying to substitute the love and affection you missed with your parents with "friendship", and then getting upset when your friends do not meet that level of unrealistic commitment.

    Purely platonic friendships do not work very well between men and women. I had very good platonic female friends at university, but we naturally drifted apart once they got into serious relationships, marriage, children etc... We were not 18-21 anymore, going to parties and hanging out as fun-loving young single friends... Other commitments, responsibilities and priorities got in the way, boundaries shifted... Is it a little sad? Yes. Is it right that I no longer ring my married best female friend from uni 4 or 5 times a week to about each other's relationships/partners? Absolutely.

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  6. #25
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    "I never expected anything from her nor did I ever think we would be anything more than friends. I know we aren't each other's types. I know it would never work"
    This is not true because in your previous thread you wrote this:
    "Now, I'm not going to lie that I do have a thing for her but I also respect her very much and truely do care about her. Would it be cool if we ended up together one day? Yes, definitely! I think we would be great and have a lot of fun together. We do many simular things amd have many simular interests. I would want it to be real and authentic though from both sides. I know mine would be. So, am I wishful thinking here or dreaming some?"

    I'm sure she's aware how you feel about her. If she's attempting to reconcile with her ex the last thing she should be doing is hanging out or talking to you knowing you want to be with her.

    I don't know how long it's been, but if you're still married and she has never tried to date you, she probably just doesn't feel the same way you do.

    Acceptance will eventually help you move on from your attachment to her.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Affairs like this never end well. Either one of your partners leaves or one of you decides to focus back home, as your "friend" did. She did the right thing cutting contact with you. All people who have/want affairs state their current partners are monsters from hell, just as she told those lies to you. She made a fool out of you, she's not your friend.
    Originally Posted by Aj86
    The kisses she would give me was on the cheek everytime it happened and we would tell each other we loved each other as friends. She has messaged me for almost two years several times a week about how bad he is to her.

  8. #27
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    So did she manipulate me then? I was questioned about manipulating her and what my motives were. I strongly explained that I was trying to help her out but didn't expect anything in return. I will admit I probably did more that most would have but I have always been a caring person. Is she done with me then?

    Guess a person can be too nice.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No. It just fizzled like all these non-friendships do. Yes, you were a fool to play therapist/pseudo-bf when she complained about her partner to you. She's not your friend and never was. You just wanted an escape from your own situation so did this. It was a non-affair affair. Basically silly. She never and you never wanted to be "just friends" and interestingly she picked up on that and distanced you. She may contact you again, next time her bf fights with her.
    Originally Posted by Aj86
    I was questioned about manipulating her and what my motives were. I strongly explained that I was trying to help her out but didn't expect anything in return. I will admit I probably did more that most would have but I have always been a caring person. Is she done with me then?

    Guess a person can be too nice.

  10. #29
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    Why did we move all of her stuff out of the house? Literally everything. I don't get that part. We had been moving a little here and there over time till the end when the situation got really bad and she chose to leave. Did she use her brother-in-law too? He's a cop was there to help move stuff out as well at the end of her being there.

  11. 11-12-2019, 09:53 AM

  12. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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