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My bestfriend is a female and it a little older than I. I am a male. Her and I are/were very close. She recently brokeup with her bf who treated her very badly. He's abusive to her mentally and emotionally. The relationship has been bad for a long time. He's a narcissist and a bad one at that. She is an empath. Something happened where she suddenly turned against me overnight. She doesn't text me or talk to me to the level she did nor the way she did. I was accused of expecting something in return for helping her and doing all these things I've done to help her. I told her that just wasn't true and my only goal was to ever be her friend. I never expected anything in return. I'm guessing he go to her and convinced her that I was doing all of this in the hopes she would want to be with me. She did tell me that they had been talking but didn't really say if it was in that way.

 

So I'm defiantly hurt by all this and unsure what to do. Things are definitely weird now. Thursday night she hugged me and kissed me and told me she loved me like she always does and by Friday evening I was being accused of trying to manipulate her. Is our relationship over or is this a test time for her? I'm dying on the inside and hurting from this. Just not sure what I need to do because I've never been in this situation before. I did send her a lengthy message last night explaining things and what my intents were and told her I was only trying to support her. She hasn't responded but then again I don't really expect her to. Not really her style to do it in a direct way.

 

Thanks for everyone imput.

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It seems like you would like to be a lot more than friends. Why don't you have your own gf? Her bf may be shutting your friendship down. Keep in mind she stays with him despite what she tells you. Delete and block her. She's not really your friend..You both know this.

My bestfriend is a female and it a little older than I. I am a male. Something happened where she suddenly turned against me overnight. I was accused of expecting something in return for helping her and doing all these things I've done to help her. I told her that just wasn't true and my only goal was to ever be her friend.
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She's obviously going through a lot, I'd let her be, if she wants to reach out later, she can always text you, and you can then decide how to react. I hope you have other people/friends in your life. If not, try expanding your circle of friends so you don't rely on person so much.

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Sometimes friendships end--a normal part of life. One of my decade long friendships has ended because the last few years she hasn't put in the efforts she had in the past. The time I once spent with her is now spent with another friend who I developed a friendship with about 3 years ago, and with another couple (my husband became friends with the guy and now we double date).

 

That's why it's best not to put all your eggs in one basket, if you don't have other friends, because friendships don't always last a lifetime.

 

Why do you want to stay friends with someone who accuses you of crimes you haven't committed, and then ignores you when you try to get to the bottom of things? With friends like that, who needs enemies?

 

Try Meetup.com activities for a good way to keep your mind occupied on meeting new people and doing fun activities. Take care.

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You do want more than friendship according to this thread :

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=561868

 

Also, aren't you a married man? What does your wife think of all this, or do you two not talk about this woman and this situation?

 

Anyway, it doesn't seem like she (your "friend") wants to turn this into a romantic relationship. Unfortunately she doesn't feel the same way you do.

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I've never known of a male-female "best friend" relationship where one or the other wants more. It's a fact of life. Billy Crystal told Meg Ryan that in one of the first scenes of "When Harry Met Sally"! LOL.

 

So, methinks YOU want more than friendship... it's obvious. Unless you two are 6 years old, then I suppose it could be possible!

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I didn't look through your older posts, OP, but your writing sounds pained and like you're in turmoil. This is a lot more involved than a platonic friendship and you're in denial or being dishonest with both yourself and your lady friend. That dishonesty is what's getting you into more hot soup and turning your life upside down. Be more honest with yourself please. These things would not be happening if you're more honest about your feelings and more honest about your intentions. Attempting to sabotage a friend's relationship under the guise of a "friendship" is not honest.

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Now, I'm not going to lie that I do have a thing for her but I also respect her very much and truely do care about her. Would it be cool if we ended up together one day? Yes, definitely! I think we would be great and have a lot of fun together.

 

You have a crush on her, and were hoping that her leaving her BF would be the opening you needed to jump into a relationship with her.

 

Having read your other threads, it would seem that you have been trying to manipulate her into breaking up with her BF, and, in a more subtle way, to get together with you by playing the white knight so to speak; she is simply pointing out the behavior. I am sorry if that sounds harsh but the reality is that you have been emotionally cheating with her for months now so the fact that you ended up here is something you may want to take responsibility for.

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So apparently I'm in the wrong. I don't feel like I want to "be with her" because I didn't think either one of us were each other's type anyway. So what can I do to salvage a friendship with her or is it a lost cause? If I do continue a friendship with her what mindset should I put myself in?

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So apparently I'm in the wrong. I don't feel like I want to "be with her" because I didn't think either one of us were each other's type anyway. So what can I do to salvage a friendship with her or is it a lost cause? If I do continue a friendship with her what mindset should I put myself in?

 

You did feel like you wanted to be with her though... it's in your previous thread... did you change your mind after she broke up with her BF?

 

If you want to salvage a friendship, then be a friend to her. Ask her what she needs from you in order to be a good friend, don't push your needs and wants and expectations on to her. Stop overstepping physical and emotional boundaries. Listen, let her vent, and support her in her decision to stay instead of trying to talk her into leaving her BF. And take your own advice and work on your relationship or leave your wife so that you don't continue the insanity of emotional cheating because it's clouding your judgment.

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So what can I do to salvage a friendship with her or is it a lost cause? If I do continue a friendship with her what mindset should I put myself in?

 

The opposite of having the "mindset" of a person who is playing with fire knowing they'll get burned, but continues to remain in denial while still rolling the dice.

 

Lost cause, indeed.

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She knows you want more than friendship and called you on it. The healthy thing for her to do is distance herself since you are both in relationships. Accept that things like thing come to a head and end badly. Next time focus on your primary relationship and don't slither around with women in relationships.

I was accused of expecting something in return for helping her and doing all these things I've done to help her.
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So you're not suppose to hurt if a friend turns off on you? I'm confused.

 

She just broke up with someone. I'm not sure if you're so emotional right now about your own pain that you aren't able to see what she's going through. Take a step back and stop forcing things. You're coming across as very pushy, clingy and a little too aggressive. It might even be interpreted as selfish. This isn't good if you plan on being friends.

 

I don't suggest you continue contacting this woman because you don't have any good way of learning how to control your impulses or emotions around her. What you expect from this "friendship" is not what she wants from you. Your behaviour is basically unwanted.

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I'd pay more attention to other areas of your life. Automatically, things will shift in focus you'll have eyes on other things that interest you. Meet new people. Try new things. Engage in new hobbies, take up your old ones. Your mind will also shift and expand to accommodate a great number of other things and you'll be able to put things in perspective more easily. Right now you're stuck in a very strange loop or playback and going around in circles in the same small area. Branch out and do more with your life and introduce new friends and new thoughts/ideas into it.

 

You're a bit obsessed about this person at this moment. The scary part is that she doesn't like that behaviour from you. Don't waste your time with confusing people either.

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Ok. So back off and focus. Pay less attention to her. Help her if she asks for it....Correct?

 

Actually I believe the advice was to back off all together and focus on your current relationship and other areas of your life, and to stop emotionally cheating with her.

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How the hell do I quit on a friendship and not think of it. Things were definitely taken out of context. I'm just suppose to just let everything go with my friend and not know why? Wouldn't bother anyone else if your friend just up and stopped wanting to be friends with you?

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You say her ex was a narcissist, but you are coming across more so than him. He was right to object to her emotionally cheating on him with you, if she truly did kiss you and tell you that she loved you. You cannot call a guy paranoid if you really are out to get him.

 

Everything you say is all about you, about how you feel about her, about how bad you feel about losing her, how you feel like you are owed an explanation.

 

You are deluded if you think this is a platonic friendship and you care about her just as a friend.

 

Maybe she is trying to reconcile with her ex and (rightly) knows to cut you out of her life to give that relationship any chance of survival?

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The kisses she would give me was on the cheek everytime it happened and we would tell each other we loved each other as friends. I have other friends that I do that to as well. Both male and female, never had an issue with it till now. I do love my friends but not like that. I just don't like loosing someone like most people. I'm not calling him paranoid. She has messaged me for almost two years several times a week about how bad he is to her. All I have done is support her decisions of what she chooses to do. I didn't put any ideas in her head. I let her think for herself. Now it feels like I'm loosing my friend from something that was taken the wrong way. I never expected anything from her nor did I ever think we would be anything more than friends. I know we aren't each other's types. I know it would never work. We cleared that air near the beginning of our friendship.

 

Was it wrong to get kisses on the cheek from her as us being friends? I take friendships seriously because it all I've had for most of my life. My parents abandoned me when I was young so all there was I had was friends.

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The kisses she would give me was on the cheek everytime it happened and we would tell each other we loved each other as friends. I have other friends that I do that to as well. Both male and female, never had an issue with it till now. I do love my friends but not like that. I just don't like loosing someone like most people. I'm not calling him paranoid. She has messaged me for almost two years several times a week about how bad he is to her. All I have done is support her decisions of what she chooses to do. I didn't put any ideas in her head. I let her think for herself. Now it feels like I'm loosing my friend from something that was taken the wrong way. I never expected anything from her nor did I ever think we would be anything more than friends. I know we aren't each other's types. I know it would never work. We cleared that air near the beginning of our friendship.

 

Was it wrong to get kisses on the cheek from her as us being friends? I take friendships seriously because it all I've had for most of my life. My parents abandoned me when I was young so all there was I had was friends.

 

Clearly you do not understand appropriate boundaries and nor did she.

 

Frankly I do not believe you when you say you just thought of her as a friend, but if it is true, you need to re-evaluate whether you are trying to substitute the love and affection you missed with your parents with "friendship", and then getting upset when your friends do not meet that level of unrealistic commitment.

 

Purely platonic friendships do not work very well between men and women. I had very good platonic female friends at university, but we naturally drifted apart once they got into serious relationships, marriage, children etc... We were not 18-21 anymore, going to parties and hanging out as fun-loving young single friends... Other commitments, responsibilities and priorities got in the way, boundaries shifted... Is it a little sad? Yes. Is it right that I no longer ring my married best female friend from uni 4 or 5 times a week to about each other's relationships/partners? Absolutely.

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"I never expected anything from her nor did I ever think we would be anything more than friends. I know we aren't each other's types. I know it would never work"

This is not true because in your previous thread you wrote this:

"Now, I'm not going to lie that I do have a thing for her but I also respect her very much and truely do care about her. Would it be cool if we ended up together one day? Yes, definitely! I think we would be great and have a lot of fun together. We do many simular things amd have many simular interests. I would want it to be real and authentic though from both sides. I know mine would be. So, am I wishful thinking here or dreaming some?"

 

I'm sure she's aware how you feel about her. If she's attempting to reconcile with her ex the last thing she should be doing is hanging out or talking to you knowing you want to be with her.

 

I don't know how long it's been, but if you're still married and she has never tried to date you, she probably just doesn't feel the same way you do.

 

Acceptance will eventually help you move on from your attachment to her.

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