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Thread: Hurting Pretty bad

  1. #11
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    Also, I never expected her to leave him for me anyway. I never expected anything in return. It is just nice to have a friend of the opposite sex with not drama but apparently I caused drama.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Aj86
    So apparently I'm in the wrong. I don't feel like I want to "be with her" because I didn't think either one of us were each other's type anyway. So what can I do to salvage a friendship with her or is it a lost cause? If I do continue a friendship with her what mindset should I put myself in?
    You did feel like you wanted to be with her though... it's in your previous thread... did you change your mind after she broke up with her BF?

    If you want to salvage a friendship, then be a friend to her. Ask her what she needs from you in order to be a good friend, don't push your needs and wants and expectations on to her. Stop overstepping physical and emotional boundaries. Listen, let her vent, and support her in her decision to stay instead of trying to talk her into leaving her BF. And take your own advice and work on your relationship or leave your wife so that you don't continue the insanity of emotional cheating because it's clouding your judgment.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you really are trying to be a friend or supportive, you would not be "dying" from any pain. Your emotional state is detracting from being anything supportive whatsoever.

  4. #14
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Aj86
    So what can I do to salvage a friendship with her or is it a lost cause? If I do continue a friendship with her what mindset should I put myself in?
    The opposite of having the "mindset" of a person who is playing with fire knowing they'll get burned, but continues to remain in denial while still rolling the dice.

    Lost cause, indeed.

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  6. #15
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    So you're not suppose to hurt if a friend turns off on you? I'm confused.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She knows you want more than friendship and called you on it. The healthy thing for her to do is distance herself since you are both in relationships. Accept that things like thing come to a head and end badly. Next time focus on your primary relationship and don't slither around with women in relationships.
    Originally Posted by Aj86
    I was accused of expecting something in return for helping her and doing all these things I've done to help her.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Aj86
    So you're not suppose to hurt if a friend turns off on you? I'm confused.
    She just broke up with someone. I'm not sure if you're so emotional right now about your own pain that you aren't able to see what she's going through. Take a step back and stop forcing things. You're coming across as very pushy, clingy and a little too aggressive. It might even be interpreted as selfish. This isn't good if you plan on being friends.

    I don't suggest you continue contacting this woman because you don't have any good way of learning how to control your impulses or emotions around her. What you expect from this "friendship" is not what she wants from you. Your behaviour is basically unwanted.

  9. #18
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    Ok. So back off and focus. Pay less attention to her. Help her if she asks for it....Correct?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd pay more attention to other areas of your life. Automatically, things will shift in focus you'll have eyes on other things that interest you. Meet new people. Try new things. Engage in new hobbies, take up your old ones. Your mind will also shift and expand to accommodate a great number of other things and you'll be able to put things in perspective more easily. Right now you're stuck in a very strange loop or playback and going around in circles in the same small area. Branch out and do more with your life and introduce new friends and new thoughts/ideas into it.

    You're a bit obsessed about this person at this moment. The scary part is that she doesn't like that behaviour from you. Don't waste your time with confusing people either.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Aj86
    Ok. So back off and focus. Pay less attention to her. Help her if she asks for it....Correct?
    Actually I believe the advice was to back off all together and focus on your current relationship and other areas of your life, and to stop emotionally cheating with her.

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