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Thread: Should I leave it?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
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    Should I leave it?

    Good morning all!
    Bit of a funny one... I have been single for 4 years now and in September I saw a guy out and we then got chatting on social media.
    Fast forward about 5 weeks and he is the first guy I have spoken with that I actually really like and we haven't properly been out together yet! We speak every day and he has told me that he's never connected with someone so quick and wants me to go and see him. The only issue is, he lives about 2 and a half hours away from me.

    I have interest from a guy next to me and I mentioned that I would possibly go out with him but didn't know if that was the right thing to do due to me being involved with him. He didn't seem phased? Said I should go? i asked what that would mean for us and he said 'maybe it's not going to work as long distance'.

    I'm not sure if by me telling him that I would possibly go out with someone local has caused that or if he genuinely doesn't really care?
    If it's the latter, I'm wondering if I should just stop speaking to him and see if he speaks to me? I'm unsure! I've been out the game a while. ha!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How did you happen to connect on social media if you "saw him out"? Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be making much effort. Stop chitchatting this much...or at all.

    At best he's telling you to drive 5 hours round trip to him for a convenient hookup. Go with the local guy.
    Originally Posted by AvaD21
    September I saw a guy out and we then got chatting on social media.
    Fast forward about 5 weeks and we haven't properly been out together yet! We speak every day and he has told me that he's never connected with someone so quick and wants me to go and see him. he lives about 2 and a half hours away from me.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I agree with Wiseman.... He's too far away and it doesn't sound like he's doing his fair share. but he'll hook up with you, if you come to him. Talking every day when you have not been out together is dangerous. You have a connection based on how you interpreted him to be, not how he is.

    As a general rule: only chat a little to determine if there will be a meeting. because you could be wasting your time.... and setting yourself up to be disappointed. Unfortunately, a lot of people like having a pen pal and have intentions of being anything IRL.

    His response might have been nonchalant because he's protecting himself. Downgrading the connection and saying it won't work out between you anyway.

    Always go for local. Relationships need frequent smaller interactions to grow and sustain. LDRs are hard to maintain and they are rarely very fulfilling bc your alone a lot. I only think they work if you're already in a LTR and one of you has to move or travel, but its temporary. The goal is ultimately move together. Even in that case, it's still hard. Distance shows all the cracks and many times one person moves on and the other person is left feeling abandoned etc.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    If the guy 2.5 hours away was actually serious about or interested in making this work, he'd have come over to take you out on proper dates long ago. Instead he is just chatting you up and asking you to come to him. How "convenient" for him. No he is not and has never been serious about you. Yes, he is totally buttering you up for an easy hook up. Easy for him that is since you'll do the traveling. No, he doesn't really care about you beyond some sweet words on text...again to butter you up for an easy cheap lay.

    I don't have anything against long distance, but that's not how things work when both people are genuinely mutually interested in each other and want to date. In your shoes, I'd stop wasting time on this dude and focus on guys who are actually into you and willing to make the effort of actually dating you - as in come your way, set up nice dates, show effort. This guy is literally doing none of that and talk is cheap and meaningless so never place value on just talk.

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  6. #5
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    I agree with you all. Thanks for the advice ☺️


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