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Thread: Hard Times!

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2019
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    Hard Times!

    Hi everyone,

    I am here for some insight to how my ex had handled our breakup.

    Some background info:

    He asked me out one night and we were driving around as per normal. He stopped the car and tried to get frisky but i stopped it and wanted to go home. He was very accommodating. On the way he started his conversation:

    Him: Have you ever fallen in love before?
    Me: I'm not sure if i have. I don't know what love is.
    Him: I have never fallen in love before but recently I fell in love with a girl. I know it is love because I can see myself growing old with her.
    Me: Do i know this girl?
    Him: No, you don't!
    Me: Have you had sex with her?
    Him: No. I am not sexually attracted to her.
    Me: OK. So all those times you said "I love you" to me meant nothing?
    Him: I could have fallen in love with you. It is extremely easy to fall in love with you.
    Me: But you didn't?
    Him: Silence!!!!
    Me: Ok then. Lets just delete and block each others' numbers and move on with a clean cut.


    He started hugging me and started telling me all the little things I have mentioned before, word for word, the place we first met 12 years ago and the exact duration we spoke for. Also told me that everytime I lean over to kiss him, he melts! The finale is when I asked him to take his phone he said 'I LOVE YOU"!!!!!!!! to me. I asked him to delete and block me there and then and i did the same and walked away with so much pain and confusion. Next few months were so tough! I was utterly confused. The whole incident just kept replaying in my head. I was tempted to call him and tok to him to get the closure I deserve. But i did not. I have successfully been in NC for 4 months. However I have seen that he had viewed my ig stories a couple of times though we aren't friends. So i've been moving on, working on myself. It has been a tough journey. I still love him and have very strong feelings for him still. But I have been staying strong and just doing everything I can to move on with my daily life. Thoughts of him pop up here and there. But I handle it well.

    However, yesterday I had a call from an unknown number. It kinda looked familiar. So i picked up the call. It was him! But this is what he said:

    Me: Hello?
    Him: Hello, Who is this? I am ! (Apparently he cud recognise my voice .... Fine)
    Me: Kel!
    Him: Oh! I saw some convos on my phone and was not sure who it was!!!!!!!!!!! (I was utterly dumbfounded)
    Me: Ok then! (And I hung up while he was still saying something)


    Not sure if i was rude! I thought I was going to be ok. But it just brought back so many memories! If his idea was to plant thoughts into my head. It worked! Which i am so angry about! What was his intention? Why did he do what he did? Please please do not tell me to just not think about it and move on. I hope it was that easy. I always realised that having some answers helps! Instead of sweeping it under the carpet?

    What could his motivations be? Is it to tell me he has forgotten me? Is it to indirectly tell me he has moved on? Is it to make me think of him more because he knows ive moved on? Should I call him back? Will I stroke his already enlarged EGO if i do that? What if he does not want to see me?

    Please help!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    You need to give us a lot more information about your relationship with him and why you broke up, first and foremost.

    We can't really tell you what he is thinking now, but more context would be helpful in understanding the current situation.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately he sounds like a real creep. Fortunately it's as simple as deleting and blocking him to get rid of him. He just wants a hookup.
    Originally Posted by JaRule
    He asked me out one night and we were driving around as per normal. He stopped the car and tried to get frisky but i stopped it and wanted to go home.yesterday I had a call from an unknown number. It kinda looked familiar. So i picked up the call. It was him! But this is what he said:

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Nov 2019
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    Originally Posted by JaRule
    Hi everyone,

    I am here for some insight to how my ex had handled our breakup.

    Some background info:

    He asked me out one night and we were driving around as per normal. He stopped the car and tried to get frisky but i stopped it and wanted to go home. He was very accommodating. On the way he started his conversation:

    Him: Have you ever fallen in love before?
    Me: I'm not sure if i have. I don't know what love is.
    Him: I have never fallen in love before but recently I fell in love with a girl. I know it is love because I can see myself growing old with her.
    Me: Do i know this girl?
    Him: No, you don't!
    Me: Have you had sex with her?
    Him: No. I am not sexually attracted to her.
    Me: OK. So all those times you said "I love you" to me meant nothing?
    Him: I could have fallen in love with you. It is extremely easy to fall in love with you.
    Me: But you didn't?
    Him: Silence!!!!
    Me: Ok then. Lets just delete and block each others' numbers and move on with a clean cut.


    He started hugging me and started telling me all the little things I have mentioned before, word for word, the place we first met 12 years ago and the exact duration we spoke for. Also told me that everytime I lean over to kiss him, he melts! The finale is when I asked him to take his phone he said 'I LOVE YOU"!!!!!!!! to me. I asked him to delete and block me there and then and i did the same and walked away with so much pain and confusion. Next few months were so tough! I was utterly confused. The whole incident just kept replaying in my head. I was tempted to call him and tok to him to get the closure I deserve. But i did not. I have successfully been in NC for 4 months. However I have seen that he had viewed my ig stories a couple of times though we aren't friends. So i've been moving on, working on myself. It has been a tough journey. I still love him and have very strong feelings for him still. But I have been staying strong and just doing everything I can to move on with my daily life. Thoughts of him pop up here and there. But I handle it well.

    However, yesterday I had a call from an unknown number. It kinda looked familiar. So i picked up the call. It was him! But this is what he said:

    Me: Hello?
    Him: Hello, Who is this? I am ! (Apparently he cud recognise my voice .... Fine)
    Me: Kel!
    Him: Oh! I saw some convos on my phone and was not sure who it was!!!!!!!!!!! (I was utterly dumbfounded)
    Me: Ok then! (And I hung up while he was still saying something)


    Not sure if i was rude! I thought I was going to be ok. But it just brought back so many memories! If his idea was to plant thoughts into my head. It worked! Which i am so angry about! What was his intention? Why did he do what he did? Please please do not tell me to just not think about it and move on. I hope it was that easy. I always realised that having some answers helps! Instead of sweeping it under the carpet?

    What could his motivations be? Is it to tell me he has forgotten me? Is it to indirectly tell me he has moved on? Is it to make me think of him more because he knows ive moved on? Should I call him back? Will I stroke his already enlarged EGO if i do that? What if he does not want to see me?

    Please help!

    So basically we had known each other as friends for 12 years and dated for 2 years. We started hanging out and sleeping together. I wasn't looking at a serious relationship at that point in time. To me he was just a FWB. But then he started breaking some ground rules. Started saying "I love you" to me which i clearly told him i do no want to hear. But that never stopped him. Whenever he had the courage to say it, he would just blurt it out. He is an extreme social butterfly who has many women swooning over him. So one night when we were out, he was a little too much attention to one particular girl while I was there too. Of course I became a little upset and wanted to leave. I realised I was breaking my FWB rule and that I had started liking him more than I should. That SCARED me! I wanted out and I told him 2 days later that I wanted out. He wanted to see me. I did see him. We spoke and somehow mutually agreed to stop the relationship. We were on NC for about a year and he started texting me again. I did not reply for a few months then I caved and replied him. We met up and hung out. There was not a second of awkward moment! We just had fun! Tons of fun! Hours of conversation! And then explosive sex! We went home after feeling very good. I realised I liked him a lot more and I thought he probably felt the same way. The next time he called me out was the above mentioned one.

    I just kept asking him why the trouble to come back if he had already fallen in love with someone else. I was already out of the picture. We were never in contact from April 2018 to February 2019. Then he started contacting me every once in 2 weeks. Or once a month. It went on till June when I finally decided to respond. Why bother when you have moved on? So much trouble to just want to get sex from me? It doesn't make sense!! But Okay! I have again let him go! To be with whoever he had so called fallen for. Then WHY .... WHY on earth pull another fast one on me! What does he gain in wanting to continuously hurt me when I have left him alone????? Its plain mean!

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  6. #5

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    I really wish it was that simple! He has been deleted and blocked but it still is painful not getting my closure at all!!!!!!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It is that simple. Ending it is closure. It sounds like your ego wants revenge or the last word. Be glad you are free of him. Most of this is drama. Move on. Surely you can get other dates, no?
    Originally Posted by JaRule
    He has been deleted and blocked but it still is painful not getting my closure at all

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    It's called manipulation. What you see as lot of work on his part, in reality is nothing much and very little effort. He is pinging you when he is bored and he knows from experience that eventually you'll break down and respond, aka reward his obnoxious behavior. Does it mean he cares about you or loves you or has seen the error of his ways? Nope. He is still the guy who chases after various skirts, you just proved yourself to be a target who can be manipulated and believe it or not, it's not that easy to find women who fall for his bs. For players, it's not about "effort" or rejection, it's simply statistics and probabilities. Meaning that someone he bedded before is more likely to get into bed with him again in a weak moment and if he stays in your head long enough, he can create a weak moment sooner rather than later. It's all about the game and nothing to do with caring.

    Pure and completely unflattering to you manipulation. Sorry, but take a long shower, wash off his muck and move on. Don't give him another thought because he isn't worth you and you are worth more.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    It's up to each of us to make clean breaks with exes so that we can move forward without messy entanglements like trying to play friendzies the way kids need to do while they're still obligated to cross paths with exes in school.

    I'd move my focus forward and the messy kid stuff behind. There's no value in it.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He's a player, OP. Just a bad one, that's all. You would be a fool to take him back or let him consume too much more of your energy/time/life.

    I'm curious why you feel deserving of people who mistreat you. I'm guessing a lot of alarm bells should have gone off about this guy from a long, long time ago. You just ignored the red flags and continued seeing him in that situation-ship that you both had.


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