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Thread: Married Man with 2 kids in love with Wife and also Deeply love friend

  1. #1

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    Married Man with 2 kids in love with Wife and also Deeply love friend

    I am married man (37 years old) with 2 kids and a lovely wife who love wife to her best. Both of us assist each other to achieve financial freedom.
    In 2015, I found out that the girl (woman) I love very deeply with 3 kids was divorced and been struggling to gather herself up.

    Initially, first 3 years of her divorce, I started off short texting to ask she alright or not (to show care and concern). Deeply inside me, I feel guilty as I can actually be the one to be beside her and she will not be in the state of divorce.

    Reason I got over of her in the past, is because, I am shy and timid result she didn't even got chance to be my girlfriend although she had hinted me at the last year of our college.

    Once I heard, she was attached and going to marry, I let go my 5 years being single and decide to move on and I found my wife during my first job. Together we decide to start a family as we had our first baby within first 2 months knowing each other.

    Now back to the girl I love deeply when I was young, as mention she was divorce and need to take care of 3 kids as well as working as a full time. I approached her on the 5th year of communicate to mention we need to meet up as we are getting old and might not have another chance. Initially, I thought will be a normal friend meet up, but somehow when we meet up, we seem back to young time and have a lot of chat and laughter. Is like we are couple.

    Nothing happen as I respect her and also I know I cannot betray my wife and my kids.

    I thought I can get over it but after knowing where she work, I decided to drive down to pick her up and sent her home as she work till quite late daily which her place and work place were quite far away.

    In the car, we chit chat and polite and becoming awkward sometimes. Deeply in me, I want to have her with me and take care of her, but I also don't want to betray my wife and kids.

    I understand I should just let go. I afraid she might face trouble or met wrong guys which may again destroy her happiness. I want to give her happiness and also maintain my existing one.

    Is tough, and I also understand, I am just hurting 2 person or 2 family at a time if really going in depth to consider to having an real affair.

    To be frank, I did hint but I did not get any answer from the girl I deeply love.

    Just want to lack out the stress in this forum as I not able to tell anyone I known.
    Just feel that I am a jerk.

  2. #2
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    You say you deeply love this other woman and you say you love your wife ( the assumption is that you don’t deeply love your wife)

    Does your wife mind that you spend time with this other woman? Or does she not know? If she doesn’t know then do you lie to her about where you are? And therefore also lie to your 2 kids as to where you are?

    If you deeply love this woman and only just love your wife , then divorce your wife and a year later ask out the other woman but ONLY AFTER you have sorted out child custody.
    In the mean time have no contact with the other woman because she will not be interested in dating a man that is going through a divorce because she knows how hard that is.

  3. #3

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    thanks for the advice … as this related to a Will from family business. Therefore, I not able to divorce at this moment. I did mention when I 50 years old, then I will married her, she smile but did not mention no / yes and then migrate to UK to settle down with her till we get old (that the hinting part).

    13 years can be short and can be long. Things change. and she truly love me I will be with her and as for my wife as she will be then at her 40s to 50, I will have sufficient fund for her to be finance freedom but worried she will feel negative or worst case suicide.

    Only solution is let my wife accept it but under the law is not allowed.

    I am still thinking and is destroying myself inside out. I wanted not to think but there no possibility to that I can't stop thinking unless I am dead.

    Just want to let all people know, if you really love a person, you must give happiness if she move on but you must also wait and not move on.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    It's all very simple really if you stop being so selfish and get your head out of the clouds. You made a commitment when you married your wife. You made choices. You didn't get with that other woman when you had the chance because you were incompatible communication wise. Had you been compatible, you would have ended up together.

    Even if you "loved" her, your obligation now is to your family. You can't go back in time. Things have changed too much. You now have children to think of, it's not just you. You need to stop all contact with this woman and stop being so selfish. That woman is just a fantasy - you never really got to know her and SHE chose to marry another man while your wife chose YOU.

    You have two kids who didn't ask to be brought into such a mess and your primary obligation is to provide them with a stable environment. You need to man up and start honouring the choices you made. You are not alone anymore. You have TWO CHILDREN who depend on you and don't deserve to fall victim of your selfishness and immaturity. You need to grow up. If you are so desperate to protect someone, protect your own children from your selfishness.

    You have nothing of value to offer to the other woman. You would need to be unattached for that and you aren't. Step aside. She made her own choices and she now needs to face the consequences. Plus, no decent self-respecting woman would ever participate in breaking up another family nor would she respect a man who would destroy his family for a selfish infatuation. You don't really know this other woman. She is just a fantasy and making your wife compete with a fantasy is beyond idiotic. You can't have both. Stop all contact with this other woman before you hurt your two innocent children. Block and delete.

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  6. #5
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    You married for money???
    And you are willing to stay with your wife another 13 years just to get your hands on that money??

    And you want another person to wait 13 years while you have sex with your wife , mother of your children , then grab the money and walk off into the sunset with a woman who apparently has waited 13 years for you??

    That is clearly the plan you told her in order for her to have an affair with you lol
    I see that she is not as stupid as you think she is. And has declined “your offer”

  7. #6

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    I am not married for money... just that family business stated the share can only disburse after I reach a certain age.

  8. #7

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    Indeed, I trying to block.. and also delete... but you know human are always wanting more... and foolish as I self feel guilty for her when I am young time.
    I am the one go missing first. Yup she indeed choose her fate to go another path.

    She divorce due to she and her 3 kids continuous abusive receive from her husband.

  9. #8
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Let me guess... You are Indian?

  10. #9
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    You are already betraying your wife and children, OP.

    I am guessing your wife doesn't know how much time you spend with this woman?

  11. #10
    Member simple cure's Avatar
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    I think it's normal to get feelings for other people even in marriage, especially if you loved someone before it, and have good memories.
    The difference between the tragedy of an affair, and the endurance of a good marriage, is the choices people make.
    How would you feel if you knew your wife did the same, or felt the same way?
    You can choose not to be the person who made a tragedy for your wife and kids, you can choose to keep from having an affair.
    It's difficult to do when something else seems so appealing and the right thing seems so stale. But, I believe every marriage has those moments when both have to choose.
    The single other woman deserved to find the right person for her too. Someone she isn't causing a marriage to fall apart.
    Or making her kids become part of some crazy dynamic of custody and divorce.
    You're still in the decision phase.
    It would be wise to stop putting yourself in the company of that dynamic and pull yourself together.
    It's not worth a few minutes of getting excited.
    And then, in the future, you go through the same boring time in another marriage. Not wise.

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