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Thread: Asian girlfriend pregnant

  1. #1
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    Asian girlfriend pregnant

    I've been seeing my partner for two years now. Over the years I've tried to get her to tell her parents about us. But she's been scared too I'm white British and she's British Asian.

    Our situation is very complicated to say the least. I've two children from previous who I have weekly and take care of and a good dad

    We have recently found out she's pregnant before marriage obviously this is a big thing in Asian culture.

    I'm wanting to stand by her and make this work I've tryed my hardest and I'm scared of the outcome because this should be a happy time not one of so much stress and heartache

  2. #2
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I mean ultimately it's gonna fall on your wife as to how well she handles her family and any theoretical fallout. Assuming you're giving her your due support, what's your biggest concern here?

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    We are not married planning this now and that her family will disown her or what they could even do. They don't even know about us or being pregnant

  4. #4
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 2cool4skl
    We are not married planning this now and that her family will disown her or what they could even do. They don't even know about us or being pregnant
    Her family doesn't even know you exist, much less that you're the father of her future kid?

    Brother, you're gonna have to have a couple dozen talks with her and come back to us with the results for any actionable input.

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    All we have done is talk by the end of the month she has to come clean and tell them as she is 3 months pregnant now but she's living in fear over this about what she would lose if they cut her off

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    Originally Posted by 2cool4skl
    We are not married planning this now and that her family will disown her or what they could even do. They don't even know about us or being pregnant
    Well, you missed the boat on setting a boundary on not dating unless you are known about.
    But there are conservative families where a boyfirend is not introduced until he is going to ask for her hand in marriage.

    Is she someone you thought about marrying? then introduce yourself to her parents and state your intent.

    But the two of you are adults and are together -- so there's that

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by 2cool4skl
    All we have done is talk by the end of the month she has to come clean and tell them as she is 3 months pregnant now but she's living in fear over this about what she would lose if they cut her off
    She as to talk to them by the end of the month as an ultimatum from you...or what?
    What about you --- what are YOU prepared to do.
    So if she tells her family - you are going to say "yay i am known about" or are you going to marry her?

    Or do you want none of that? If you do not want her as your wife you need to tell her before she tells her parents because then she could decide to leave you and go back with her parents if you have no intent on having her back. If she tells her parents and they disown her, will you step up to the plate? If she tells her parents and they do not disown her, will you step up to the plate?

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    I've stepped up the whole time I've been someone's secret and stood by her and that's a hard thing to do. Yeah I'm willing to get married. Think it's more what she's willing to do to have this baby. But then I also think having a baby shouldn't be the only reason that marriage should be brought into it I'd marry because of love and that she wants to be my wife

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 2cool4skl
    We are not married planning this now and that her family will disown her or what they could even do. They don't even know about us or being pregnant
    They'll find out eventually sooner or later. You might as well persuade her to tell them now. No sense keeping this a secret.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I'm going to be somewhat blunt.
    You both screwed up royally. And now she's at 3 months, looks fairly certain abortion is off the table.

    Marriage would be compounding the mistakes already made. This isn't a relationship with a solid foundation, it's built on secrecy and lies.

    She isn't your responsibility, don't make her yours. Your child are your responsibility. I hope you make good money and have a lawyer. You are looking at child support for this child now. Don't be foolhardy and bet on a happily ever after with her. She has shown you who she is. She's fine with lying and hiding to get what it is she wants. Don't think she wouldn't, hasn't, done it to you.

    I'd take a hands off approach with how she chooses to deal with her family and life now. Fact is, you don't have a say and never did. Just take steps to protect yourself and your kids. When the baby is born, establish paternity right away. Nail down your rights to your child, if it is yours.

    You don't have reason to trust her. If you married her, you put your other children's welfare on the line , not only you.

    Not romantic but it's not a romantic situation. Be smart.

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