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Thread: Obsessive in laws

  1. #11
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    Honestly, all i see is a family smitten with your little angel. In my family, pictures of the littles are always flying back and forth and it is not abnormal for grandparents etc to call to Facetime with their grandkids. I am going to guess that your family was actually quite normal and hers is too but you are now realizing both sides just are excited about the child. The problem with both families is you tried to avoid them instead of setting boudaries. Besides obvious exceptions like school plays and such if the day you go to grandma and grandpa's for dinner is sunday and they are pushing to do something saturday - say 'hey, let's do that sunday instead of cooking a meal". Or set up specific days and be proactive about inviting people - if you invite them they won't try to invite themselves.


    Or reaffirm that if they want to Facetime your child, the only real time is right before dinner and stick to it. Or don't answer calls after a certain time at nigt. You didn't set any boundaries -- i actually love all the texts my family sends. But that's just me

  2. #12
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    It sounds to me like you ran away from your so called problem ... your family wanting to be part of your kids life and ran into another so called problem , your in laws wanting to be a part of your kids life.

    You do realise that many would love this interest from family and there are new parents out there with no family to rely on.
    You have free child care galore!!!

    How close did you live to your family?
    How far away did you move?
    How close did you live to your in laws? And now?

    I’m sensing issues within your marriage not issues outside of it?
    Are your in laws sensing the same thing as me??

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Boundaries. On both sides of the family. You three are your own family now. Focus on that and cease the triangulation with extended family. Some marriage counselling could help you sort out some long unaddressed issues.

    The extended family's over-involvement is a symptom as much as a problem. You're still having the same issue and arguments, now it's just her family rather than yours. So that's the issue to look at. Blaming each other's families is a way to avoid the real issue ..."Nearly headed for divorce" That is not about them, it's about you two.
    Originally Posted by SuperPig
    we’ve recently moved away from my family because they were being obsessive, possessive and always wanting to be around us. I agree we couldn’t breathe at times and nearly headed for a divorce but managed to turn things around and start afresh.We now have a 1 year old and her parents and brothers are constantly calling us asking what we’re doing with the little one.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd ask wife what she wants to do about this and what she wants you to do.

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  6. #15
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    I would love it if my family wanted to talk to my kids everyday. That's so sweet. I have one set of in laws 3 hours away, and another 6 hours flight away, and I wish they could watch the kids! Are they telling you your parenting skills suck, or just want to say hello?

    If they latter, sometimes when you love someone, you just want to connect when you can as often as you can.

  7. #16

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    Hey SuperPig, I wouldn't worry about confiding in your in laws here. Your wife may just be making excuses for them. I'd say continue to confide in whomever you feel comfortable with. Just don't expect your in laws to take your side on things.
    I agree that y'all just need to set boundaries with your in laws, but do it with grace and tact. Afterall, they're just guilty of loving your son. But most importantly, set boundaries as a united front. What ever method you two chose, agree on the plan and then stick to it. Since these are "her people" then a lot of the boundary setting will fall hardest on her. Try and support her with that and back her up. Confronting love ones, even for nice things, can be tricky; so handle her with grace as y'all work this out.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by SirBacon
    Hey SuperPig, I wouldn't worry about confiding in your in laws here. Your wife may just be making excuses for them. I'd say continue to confide in whomever you feel comfortable with. Just don't expect your in laws to take your side on things.
    I agree that y'all just need to set boundaries with your in laws, but do it with grace and tact. Afterall, they're just guilty of loving your son. But most importantly, set boundaries as a united front. What ever method you two chose, agree on the plan and then stick to it. Since these are "her people" then a lot of the boundary setting will fall hardest on her. Try and support her with that and back her up. Confronting love ones, even for nice things, can be tricky; so handle her with grace as y'all work this out.
    Thanks SirBacon

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