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Tinder question


kim42

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So I use Tinder every now and then, and last Thursday I matched with this guy, we exchanged a few messages, he seemed pretty nice. He told me he was looking for something more serious, not just to hook up. He wanted to hang out Saturday, but I already made plans, and I told him I was going out with my friends Saturday night (he asked about my plans). He sent me this message he’d be jealous, because there will be men hitting on me all night. I thought he was joking at first, so I didn’t pay much attention to it. He then sent me another message, he basically wanted me to message him if I meet someone else that I like. I just told him I was still single, didn’t think too much about it, but then yesterday he asked me again if anything happened on my night out. I texted him back I didn’t feel like I had to tell him anything, I felt he was being too invasive, like I didn’t even meet this guy in real life. This was a red flag for me, that he kept asking about me meeting other men. I don’t want to be that person who sees everything as a red flag, but this truly made me uncomfortable, like I didn’t promise him anything. What do you think about this?

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Thanks guys, I had a bad feeling when he kept sending me those messages and as I'm a private person, I wanted to see if I'm not overreacting. He stopped texting me after I told him I didn't like his questions, I'll block him in case he decides to stalk me or something.

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He is needy , insecure and is showing you what he is about .....and this is before you have been on a date ! Maybe some women like this kind of neediness ...you don't so I think you already know where this is going . I am with you by the way ...

 

I definitely don't like needy men, I once had this boyfriend who would get jealous when I went with my girlfriends to the movies or if I didn't text him back quickly, so i don't want go through that again.

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I definitely don't like needy men, I once had this boyfriend who would get jealous when I went with my girlfriends to the movies or if I didn't text him back quickly, so i don't want go through that again.

 

I don't think this is just garden variety needy if he is texting like this to a stranger. I met a guy like that -at a party - we went out once, and then apparently he saw me dancing with another guy at a singles event (and ironically the guy was just a friend -we were joking around to make his ex jealous) - so he told me after he saw that he went out and got very drunk and was so upset. Ugh.

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Just joining in with the others.

 

Aside from being a proverbial red flag, it's just deeply unattractive—a one-two punch that he's not worth your time.

 

I encountered some lower-octane versions of this when I was on the apps: people who seemed to equate jealousy and possessiveness as interest. I kind of grouped them in with the people who led with thirsty, saucy stuff after just a few texts—adults who had grown into a juvenile mindset about romance, rather than out of it. Not a cute look. In this case, I think you encountered someone on the far end of that spectrum. Bye bye. Next.

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Holy....wow....creepy af..... delete, block, stay away.

 

Serious question though - why are you questioning your judgment in a case this extreme? What's going on with you? Not only are you questioning your judgment, but you were indulging this psycho (which he and others like him will read as weakness and encouragement to push and pursue and manipulate) in conversations about what you think or feel is right. If there is a ever case for this isn't going to work out response and just block and delete immediately and without a second thought this was it.

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I don’t want to be that person who sees everything as a red flag

 

I somehow don't see this happening... it may seem as though you are being overly cautious or strict but this is only because so many people seem to throw the gates wide open at the first sign of attention/validation/chemistry with someone.

 

It's better to be single than in a relationship with someone that has zero respect for your boundaries.

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Holy....wow....creepy af..... delete, block, stay away.

 

Serious question though - why are you questioning your judgment in a case this extreme? What's going on with you? Not only are you questioning your judgment, but you were indulging this psycho (which he and others like him will read as weakness and encouragement to push and pursue and manipulate) in conversations about what you think or feel is right. If there is a ever case for this isn't going to work out response and just block and delete immediately and without a second thought this was it.

 

As I said, at first I thought he was only joking about being jealous. I told him yesterday I didn't like this the first time he re-initiated the convo. I decided to post on here as sometimes I tend to be too private and over-protective of my own well-being, if that makes sense.

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Strange... sounds as if you didn't even meet? Did he see your picture? Are you perhaps way out of his league and he was so over the moon about actually having you acknowledge him that he wanted you all to himself?

 

You need to sick your stuffed Sloth on him!

 

No Camber, we never met, we just matched on this dating app and exchanged a few messages. Yes, he did see my pictures. He actually said he thought I was beautiful and was sure men would hit on me if I go out. He was just invasive and creepy, my stuffed Sloth is much nicer :D

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I somehow don't see this happening... it may seem as though you are being overly cautious or strict but this is only because so many people seem to throw the gates wide open at the first sign of attention/validation/chemistry with someone.

 

It's better to be single than in a relationship with someone that has zero respect for your boundaries.

 

I totally agree. It's just sometimes I worry I overthink stuff too much, so I just wanted to see what you guys thought about this guy.

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