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Lied to my girlfriend about my age..


phoenixreal1

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So long history short : I have started dating this beautiful girl 7 months ago that i met on the campus of my college . As the time went on , when she asked my age , I lied telling her Im 22 ( i am 28) , although i look really young hence it worked well. Things have progressed well since then , however I am afraid of when revealing my real age , she might lose part of her interest since perhaps part of her being attracted, aside from other social values such as look ,( i consider myself a good looking guy) lies also on the fact she thinks I'm really young.

 

2 main questions: How surprised do you think she is going to be? Also , what kind of discourse , do ladies in the forum would like to hear that would still keep her interested? I am trying to think of a substantial way of implying that i am going to do well after finishing college that would keep her interested. Again , I'm assuming that part of her attraction might lie on this persona that i have created and afraid therefore of losing it when revealing my age and therefore part of my status...

 

What is the best way to convey that? I am self-aware that lying was a big mistake but i love her so much and i dont want to lose her.. :icon_sad:

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If you love her so much, why lie to her for so long?

 

And no, implying that in the future you're going to be making stacks of money wouldn't interest me at all. Unless she's shallow and only interested in what you can buy her, I can't imagine why you think that would make her overlook your very big lie.

 

I would conclude you're very insecure and decline to continue dating you.

 

BTW, why are you so insecure about your age? It's not like you're old enough to collect Social Security and you're pursuing high school girls.

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I mean it's not like you're 31 lying about being 29 just to say you're in your 20s. It's a pretty big lie to falsely include yourself in her demographic cohort, which many people understandably prioritize. What else is within this "personal you created?"

 

The best way is to simply be straight forward. Let her know. Whether she trusts that this is the only lie you've told her will be up to her. And even so, whether she wants to stick with you will also be. Beyond being honest, it's out of your hands, so there's that relative degree of solace.

 

In the future, don't lie. Especially about being younger as a guy. A lot of women her age do want a

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Thanks for that. I am self-aware that i should not have lied but i think part of the reason I lied lies on the fact that she asked me on the wrong time. We were both coming from a night out , being on a Starbucks at 6am in the morning. I knew that if i was going to tell her the truth , she would be posing several other questions since i do look like 22. Anyways , i just dont want to lose her even though i know i made a big mistake.

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Thanks for that. I am self-aware that i should not have lied but i think part of the reason I lied lies on the fact that she asked me on the wrong time. We were both coming from a night out , being on a Starbucks at 6am in the morning. I knew that if i was going to tell her the truth , she would be posing several other questions since i do look like 22. Anyways , i just dont want to lose her even though i know i made a big mistake.

 

Sorry, that makes no sense. You had to lie about your age because you were at Starbucks at 6 am? So what if she asked more questions? And how did you KNOW she would have asked you more questions? Why would that be a problem?

 

You didn't answer why you're so insecure. Do you think 28 is old or something?

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Sorry, that makes no sense. You had to lie about your age because you were at Starbucks at 6 am? So what if she asked more questions? And how did you KNOW she would have asked you more questions? Why would that be a problem?

 

You didn't answer why you're so insecure. Do you think 28 is old or something?

 

Not at all.. It just that i clearly look like 22 and i knew that the moment i was going to say 28 she would be clearly surprised asking more questions about it. Btw , i forgot to mention: In relation to the starbucks moment , its just that i was completely exhausted coming from a night out at 6am in the morning with her , so i guess saying that im 22 was an easy way to get away with it as opposed to telling her the truth and having to reply more questions on those circumstances.. not an smart choice in the long-run i guess ;(...

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Not at all.. It just that i clearly look like 22 and i knew that the moment i was going to say 28 she would be clearly surprised asking more questions about it. Btw , i forgot to mention: In relation to the starbucks moment , its just that i was completely exhausted coming from a night out at 6am in the morning with her , so i guess saying that im 22 was an easy way to get away with it as opposed to telling her the truth and having to reply more questions on those circumstances.. not an smart choice in the long-run i guess ;(...

 

I look a decade younger than I am but that doesn't mean I lie. And no one interrogates me.

 

I think you were afraid she wouldn't want to date you if you told her your true age. The whole I was too tired to tell the truth thing sounds like an excuse TBH. The bolded part seems to be the real truth.

 

Again, why are you insecure about your age?

 

All you can do is fess up and hope she doesn't mind that you lied. Maybe she won't mind.

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She is 22. She graduated this year while I am going to my final year in college.

 

Ah...so are you embarrassed for some reason because you're an "older" student? And you are afraid she'll look down on you for it?

 

There are lots of reasons why people go to college later than the usual time. Work, travel, getting a second degree, finances...no need to be ashamed if you are in fact ashamed.

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I look a decade younger than I am but that doesn't mean I lie. And no one interrogates me.

 

I think you were afraid she wouldn't want to date you if you told her your true age. The whole I was too tired to tell the truth thing sounds like an excuse TBH. The bolded part seems to be the real truth.

 

Again, why are you insecure about your age?

 

All you can do is fess up and hope she doesn't mind that you lied. Maybe she won't mind.

 

Yes , i dont deny that.. Thats the thing: I was trying to put myself in her shoes and seeing how she would react. I guess that maybe saying I was 28 would make her lose part of her interest on me.

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Hello, first of all i think it doesn't really matter why you lied to her in the first place, what is done is done. Secondly i my opinion( i'm a boy) there is no easy/nice way to bring the truth up. I think there is no way she wouldn't be upset about this honestly sooner the better because if you tell her the truth when you are not forced to is the best chance that she will "understand" this. I think that after 7 months she figured out who you really are, or the type of person you are at least. If the lie with your age is the only one and you haven't created a fake personality around this, a good talk should get this trough, but it will definitely take time for this to heal. Any decision you take i hope you best of luck and remember that if you can get trough this as a couple, i know is gonna be a little dramatic, mean that your bound is strong enough to get over much worse and if not then, maybe, you guys aren't meant for each other.

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Yes , i dont deny that.. Thats the thing: I was trying to put myself in her shoes and seeing how she would react. I guess that maybe saying I was 28 would make her lose part of her interest on me.

 

I would be honest. Don't try to tell her the Starbucks I was too tired to tell the truth excuse. Just be 100% honest. If you trust her you need to tell the truth and don't sugarcoat.

 

However, if the relationship is superficial and you think she's in it for your "persona" and future earning potential, the end result might not be what you are hoping.

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Hello, first of all i think it doesn't really matter why you lied to her in the first place, what is done is done. Secondly i my opinion( i'm a boy) there is no easy/nice way to bring the truth up. I think there is no way she wouldn't be upset about this honestly sooner the better because if you tell her the truth when you are not forced to is the best chance that she will "understand" this. I think that after 7 months she figured out who you really are, or the type of person you are at least. If the lie with your age is the only one and you haven't created a fake personality around this, a good talk should get this trough, but it will definitely take time for this to heal. Any decision you take i hope you best of luck and remember that if you can get trough this as a couple, i know is gonna be a little dramatic, mean that your bound is strong enough to get over much worse and if not then, maybe, you guys aren't meant for each other.

 

Thanks for that. I definitely need to have this conversation with her as soon as possible. I would love to handle it personally but I am in South Korea at the moment for an exchange programme while she is based in Dublin ( She is Irish) even though we facetime pretty much every day. Would you try to have this conversation online asap or wait 2 more months and do it personally? I just dont put much faith in doing through facetime , wouldnt feel comfortable in doing...

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I'm a woman and I would be very upset if I found out that my boyfriend lied about his age, and kept up that lie for several months.

 

Anything you said to try to maintain my interest thereafter would come across as insincere and I would be wondering what else you lie about. Don't try to couch your confession in promises of being prosperous in the future. I frankly wouldn't be interested in hearing any obvious attempt to distract me from the deception at hand. Be honest, explain why you lied, apologize, and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Might she try to forgive and move past this lie? Perhaps. You need to prepare yourself for the opposite outcome too, though. It's quite possible this will be a deal-breaker.

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Dealbreaker because of the lie. It would be for me. If you’re going to apologize just tell her you made a horrible mistake , you hope she can forgive you and ask her what you can do to help her get over how you deceived her. If her answer is “by leaving me alone and not contacting me “ respect her wishes. Please don’t offend her intelligence and values as a human being by making the “excuses” you mentioned.

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I'm a woman and I would be very upset if I found out that my boyfriend lied about his age, and kept up that lie for several months.

 

Anything you said to try to maintain my interest thereafter would come across as insincere and I would be wondering what else you lie about. Don't try to couch your confession in promises of being prosperous in the future. I frankly wouldn't be interested in hearing any obvious attempt to distract me from the deception at hand. Be honest, explain why you lied, apologize, and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Might she try to forgive and move past this lie? Perhaps. You need to prepare yourself for the opposite outcome too, though. It's quite possible this will be a deal-breaker.

 

Thanks for your input. I regret every day the fact that i lied to her and i guess i just want to convey in the best way possible , making her aware how much i love her despite of it.. but im aware the ball is not on my court...

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It isn't so much that you lied (which was bad enough),but that you continued to lie after the initial lie.

 

If you'd given the Starbucks 6 am excuse the very next day, for example, and told her you were being ridiculous, she would probably have brushed it off as nerves because you liked her. But to continue to conceal the truth for months and months and months...THAT is what I'd have a big problem with.

 

Don't call it a "mistake", though, because you lied deliberately and continued to lie deliberately. I would call it being insecure and worried about what she would think of you for being older. Own it, don't try to sugarcoat or make excuses.

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All you can do is tell her ...sooner rather then later ...I'm afraid none of us can call it . It would certainly make me think but we are all different and she may be able to get over it . It wouldn't make any difference to me what you have to offer future wise , my decision would be based on the fact that you lied and kept it going .

 

You just need to do it mate .

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You have two choices. Continue living a lie and don't lose her while keeping in mind, eventually she'll find out and you will lose her permanently.

 

Tell her the truth now, hope and pray she'll forgive and keep you or don't be surprised should you lose her permanently.

 

You should rest your conscience and tell her the truth and don't lie to anyone anymore.

 

Stringing people along never lasts forever. Sooner or later, you'll always lose.

 

Best to come clean now and don't lie anymore. Be honest and tell the truth. You'll be able to sleep at night.

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*sigh* I don't know why you felt the need to lie in the first place, most girls do not mind dating an older guy, quite a lot of them like it. I mean you are 28, not 38... wait, you are not 38 right? If you lied to her, you could be lying to us :p

 

Anyway, just come clean and accept the consequences. That is all there is to it.

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You have two choices. Continue living a lie and don't lose her while keeping in mind, eventually she'll find out and you will lose her permanently.

 

Tell her the truth now, hope and pray she'll forgive and keep you or don't be surprised should you lose her permanently.

 

You should rest your conscience and tell her the truth and don't lie to anyone anymore.

 

Stringing people along never lasts forever. Sooner or later, you'll always lose.

 

Best to come clean now and don't lie anymore. Be honest and tell the truth. You'll be able to sleep at night.

 

 

Yeah , i need to pull the trigger. I guess its even harder when I am away at the moment , having to communicate that through Facetime as opposed to doing personally. I just want to make sure I am conveying in the best way possible .

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