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Thread: Lied to my girlfriend about my age..

  1. #11
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by phoenixreal1
    She is 22. She graduated this year while I am going to my final year in college.
    Ah...so are you embarrassed for some reason because you're an "older" student? And you are afraid she'll look down on you for it?

    There are lots of reasons why people go to college later than the usual time. Work, travel, getting a second degree, finances...no need to be ashamed if you are in fact ashamed.

  2. #12
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I look a decade younger than I am but that doesn't mean I lie. And no one interrogates me.

    I think you were afraid she wouldn't want to date you if you told her your true age. The whole I was too tired to tell the truth thing sounds like an excuse TBH. The bolded part seems to be the real truth.

    Again, why are you insecure about your age?

    All you can do is fess up and hope she doesn't mind that you lied. Maybe she won't mind.
    Yes , i dont deny that.. Thats the thing: I was trying to put myself in her shoes and seeing how she would react. I guess that maybe saying I was 28 would make her lose part of her interest on me.

  3. #13
    Hello, first of all i think it doesn't really matter why you lied to her in the first place, what is done is done. Secondly i my opinion( i'm a boy) there is no easy/nice way to bring the truth up. I think there is no way she wouldn't be upset about this honestly sooner the better because if you tell her the truth when you are not forced to is the best chance that she will "understand" this. I think that after 7 months she figured out who you really are, or the type of person you are at least. If the lie with your age is the only one and you haven't created a fake personality around this, a good talk should get this trough, but it will definitely take time for this to heal. Any decision you take i hope you best of luck and remember that if you can get trough this as a couple, i know is gonna be a little dramatic, mean that your bound is strong enough to get over much worse and if not then, maybe, you guys aren't meant for each other.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by phoenixreal1
    Yes , i dont deny that.. Thats the thing: I was trying to put myself in her shoes and seeing how she would react. I guess that maybe saying I was 28 would make her lose part of her interest on me.
    I would be honest. Don't try to tell her the Starbucks I was too tired to tell the truth excuse. Just be 100% honest. If you trust her you need to tell the truth and don't sugarcoat.

    However, if the relationship is superficial and you think she's in it for your "persona" and future earning potential, the end result might not be what you are hoping.

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  6. #15
    Originally Posted by gotproblems
    Hello, first of all i think it doesn't really matter why you lied to her in the first place, what is done is done. Secondly i my opinion( i'm a boy) there is no easy/nice way to bring the truth up. I think there is no way she wouldn't be upset about this honestly sooner the better because if you tell her the truth when you are not forced to is the best chance that she will "understand" this. I think that after 7 months she figured out who you really are, or the type of person you are at least. If the lie with your age is the only one and you haven't created a fake personality around this, a good talk should get this trough, but it will definitely take time for this to heal. Any decision you take i hope you best of luck and remember that if you can get trough this as a couple, i know is gonna be a little dramatic, mean that your bound is strong enough to get over much worse and if not then, maybe, you guys aren't meant for each other.
    Thanks for that. I definitely need to have this conversation with her as soon as possible. I would love to handle it personally but I am in South Korea at the moment for an exchange programme while she is based in Dublin ( She is Irish) even though we facetime pretty much every day. Would you try to have this conversation online asap or wait 2 more months and do it personally? I just dont put much faith in doing through facetime , wouldnt feel comfortable in doing...

  7. #16
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    I'm a woman and I would be very upset if I found out that my boyfriend lied about his age, and kept up that lie for several months.

    Anything you said to try to maintain my interest thereafter would come across as insincere and I would be wondering what else you lie about. Don't try to couch your confession in promises of being prosperous in the future. I frankly wouldn't be interested in hearing any obvious attempt to distract me from the deception at hand. Be honest, explain why you lied, apologize, and let the chips fall where they may.

    Might she try to forgive and move past this lie? Perhaps. You need to prepare yourself for the opposite outcome too, though. It's quite possible this will be a deal-breaker.

  8. #17
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    Dealbreaker because of the lie. It would be for me. If you’re going to apologize just tell her you made a horrible mistake , you hope she can forgive you and ask her what you can do to help her get over how you deceived her. If her answer is “by leaving me alone and not contacting me “ respect her wishes. Please don’t offend her intelligence and values as a human being by making the “excuses” you mentioned.

  9. #18
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I'm a woman and I would be very upset if I found out that my boyfriend lied about his age, and kept up that lie for several months.

    Anything you said to try to maintain my interest thereafter would come across as insincere and I would be wondering what else you lie about. Don't try to couch your confession in promises of being prosperous in the future. I frankly wouldn't be interested in hearing any obvious attempt to distract me from the deception at hand. Be honest, explain why you lied, apologize, and let the chips fall where they may.

    Might she try to forgive and move past this lie? Perhaps. You need to prepare yourself for the opposite outcome too, though. It's quite possible this will be a deal-breaker.
    Thanks for your input. I regret every day the fact that i lied to her and i guess i just want to convey in the best way possible , making her aware how much i love her despite of it.. but im aware the ball is not on my court...

  10. #19
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    It isn't so much that you lied (which was bad enough),but that you continued to lie after the initial lie.

    If you'd given the Starbucks 6 am excuse the very next day, for example, and told her you were being ridiculous, she would probably have brushed it off as nerves because you liked her. But to continue to conceal the truth for months and months and months...THAT is what I'd have a big problem with.

    Don't call it a "mistake", though, because you lied deliberately and continued to lie deliberately. I would call it being insecure and worried about what she would think of you for being older. Own it, don't try to sugarcoat or make excuses.

  11. #20
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    just tell her. What happens if you date 2 more years and have to explain why someone threw you a surprise 30th birthday party?

    If she breaks it off, she breaks it off.

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