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Thread: Does he really care about me when he never asks me back?

  1. #1

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    Does he really care about me when he never asks me back?

    It's about the guy I really like (27 years old) and according to his words and actions so far, he also likes me (female - 26 years old) a lot. He is always the one who texts me first and we text each other absolutely every day. I know that he isn't seeking only sex because we have had this opportunity and he hasn't taken advantage of it.
    Usually, he is interested in what I do, how I am, how my day has gone. BUT there is a trait in him that tortures me a lot - when I ask him serious questions to get to know him he answers me, but never asks me back. The topics of my questions are various and interesting - what is your favorite movie, what is your favorite food, how do you see your future .. Although he has shown me many times that he really likes me and wants a future with me, this disinterestedness really hurts me and makes me question him. After all, I think these questions are important for getting to know a given person.. Don't you think that if one person really cares about the individual they like and want a future with, they will be at least a little curious to the answers of those questions? Do you think he really likes me and cares about me as much as he claims, when he shows this disinterestedness when I ask him questions?

  2. #2
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    I can see your frustration. It’s important for two people equally as interested for a relationship to work. Either he’s clueless and doesn’t think of asking you the questions or he just is more self absorbed and doesn’t care about you as much as he shows.

    I would ask him directly to see his perspective. If you can’t communicate early on about important things that’s not a good sign.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is dating allowed in your culture or are these questions customary for finding a spouse? How do you know each other? Are you interested in dating him or as a friend?

    What's with all the questions? Are you going on dates and trying to get to know each other? Get to know people by being with them in-person and spending time doing things.

    Try not to "interview" people like this to rush things along. Movies, foods, interests and such will come out naturally.
    Originally Posted by Malvinka
    He is always the one who texts me first and we text each other absolutely every day. I know that he isn't seeking only sex because we have had this opportunity and he hasn't taken advantage of it.


    The topics of my questions are various and interesting - what is your favorite movie, what is your favorite food, how do you see your future

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Only he can answer your question. But TBH if this bothers and you feel he’s only in it for sex why are you even talking to him? You think he’s gonna change his mind if you take your time? Oh hell no he won’t! You are wasting your time hun. That crap only happens in the movies.

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    I can see why you’re frustrated. Is it possible that when it comes to things like favorite movies and food he sees them as mere preferences, rather than important character traits? Things that don’t necessarily define who a person is? “How do you see your future” is, while broad, pretty meaningful...do you think it might be that it’s so early on that he is purposely keeping it light?

    I agree with the previous post as well...you can’t go wrong just bringing it up as a neutral observation, not an accusation. If he understood that reciprocity when asking him things was important to you, then you could assess how he changes (or does not change) with that knowledge?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    This seems empty and futile. Conversations are delicate matters with lots of nuances and language even in text format. If you're not finding any reciprocal interest, this person is not for you! I wouldn't push it and stop with the texting buddies habit. It might be difficult for you to break if you make it a habit texting each other.

    Point blank suggest meeting in person and if he declines again and again, you have your answer. This person is not interested in any type of serious relationship at all.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sounds frustrating. What I can't understand from your post is whether this is a man you're dating—going out with, being intimate with, etc.—or whether you two are just texting. Mind clarifying?

  9. #8
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    I can understand your frustration. I would not be cool with someone who shows zero interest in my life. The relationship sounds superficial.

    I am curious as to how often you see one another? I also would not put a lot of investment in texting. It is lazy. Immunization.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Usually, he is interested in what I do, how I am, how my day has gone. BUT there is a trait in him that tortures me a lot - when I ask him serious questions to get to know him he answers me, but never asks me back. The topics of my questions are various and interesting - what is your favorite movie, what is your favorite food, how do you see your future ..

    In my experience with men, those are the sort of topics they stick to--what happened at work, how the meet up went when I met up with the people I share a hobby with. I don't remember them ever asking me the questions you asked him. You have to realize that even if you're interested in those answers, he might not be interested in knowing the same about you, but if he has interest in other areas of your life, then you should accept that.

    What's the real way to gauge if he's interested in dating you and solely not reeling you in for sex: Does he ask to get together with you a couple of times a week, and is it outside of your homes, enjoying your company?

    If he's just a texting buddy and he's not asking for get togethers, he's either taken and you don't know it, or he's just not into you but likes the fact you have a crush on him.

    It sounds like you two don't even know each other and yet you're speaking of a future with each other. That's really premature. People can't know this until seeing all sides of another for a minimum of a year. If he takes care of you when you're sick. If no skeletons come out of the closet. If he has the capability of being faithful. If he's financially responsible. How he treats family, friends, waitstaff. Do you even have a must-have list and dealbreaker list? Why aren't you just enjoying the newness of dating him without determining if he's "the one" or not.

    Maybe if you give insight if you're even having regular time in person together, we can give more advice.

  11. #10
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    I think you're expecting him to (1) be comfortable asking you about your personal preferences on the topics you raise and over text and (2) be interested in reciprocating at precisely that time. He might not be interested generally or he might not be interested in sharing in the exact way you want him to and at the time you want him to reciprocate. Your questions sound a little forced/awkward especially over text.

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