The most unprofessional thing I have done

I want to start of my saying that I LOVE my job. I'm the youngest in ny department but have been trusted with the biggest projects and not only that- my boss is a truly awesome guy. Actually, everyone in the department is and we have become more friends than just coworkers. We all go to the same gym, have cookouts, go to bars every once in a while and even managed to have our 60 year old general manager lady to join in. Working is not only financially rewarding, but fun.

So, as we have all worked together for a while now sometimes we share personal stories and such. So, my boss' wife is a wedding planner and she is very well known around the city. A couple of weeks ago my boss shared with us a story about a client of hers who was left at the altar. It was a pretty schocking story, btw. Anyway, so I'm in a facebook group for brides (since I got married only about 3-4 months ago) and there was a thread about the worst bridal stories you've heard. I quickly type the story about the wedding my boss' wife worked in and forget about it. A couple of hours later I have about a hundred missed calls from my boss telling me both his wife and the bride are in that group and that his wife was very upset and to please take the post down. I did. I'm so ashamed! I don't have either my boss or his wife on facebook and I don't even know the people in the story so the thought of any of them seeing that never even crossed my mind. Last text from my boss was that he hopes his wife doesn't lose her job over this.

I'm so sorry and already apologized but of course it is not enough. I know there's nothing I can do about it now, just wanted to vent :(

You took it down and apologized all you can do. However completely reset all your social media and make sure you are careful about content. Reset the privacy settings and divide people into groups. Family, friends, interests groups, etc.

Severely restrict who can see your content and better yet don't post too much personal stuff on there. Make sure only certain people can see certain things. In fact it would be best to completely clean up your social media and delete dead weight. Consider messaging people one-on-one if there is sensitive info.

A couple of hours later I have about a hundred missed calls from my boss telling me both his wife and the bride are in that group and that his wife was very upset and to please take the post down. I did. Last text from my boss was that he hopes his wife doesn't lose her job over this.

I would write a heartfelt, humble, sincere apologetic letter to your boss with pen and paper or send an email it to him and ask him to forward it to his wife. Write that you didn't exercise discretion and express your remorse to both of them. Show utmost humility. Over time, hopefully, they'll grow to forgive you. Forgive doesn't mean condone nor forget. Forgive means to move on without holding grudges and ill will.

Be more careful from now on. Think first and err on the side of caution by not doing it. You'll thank yourself later. Think first and exercise self control. Live and learn.

If in doubt , I live by this rule ...* never tell a story that is not mine to tell *

Hope the venting helped you. I agree with Cheryln and pray that his wife won't have repercussions to her business from what you did.

You took it down and apologized all you can do. However completely reset all your social media and make sure you are careful about content. Reset the privacy settings and divide people into groups. Family, friends, interests groups, etc.

 

Severely restrict who can see your content and better yet don't post too much personal stuff on there. Make sure only certain people can see certain things. In fact it would be best to completely clean up your social media and delete dead weight. Consider messaging people one-on-one if there is sensitive info.

Hope the venting helped you. I agree with Cheryln and pray that his wife won't have repercussions to her business from what you did.

Thanks, Batya33.

I suppose your boss is going to get in trouble with his wife for retelling the story. Had he not disclosed it, none of this would have happened. That being said, I think the hand written apology is a good idea and so is Pippy's "never tell a story that isn't mine to tell."

Good luck... hopefully in time it will all blow over and you'll be no worse for wear.

Thank you all, venting sure helped. Dreading going back to work on Monday, but I will typing that email. There's no excuse for my dumb actions and I also hope she has no repercussions.

Let us know how you make out, luv.

I don't know what an email is going to do at this point. It was the written word that got you into hot soup in the first place. Do you really think your boss wants to read more words written by you even if it's with the best of intentions? I think you would do better keeping your emails to a minimum ( do not send an email) and when you see him in person ask him if he has a moment to talk and tell him in person how mortified and sorry you are. Emails are cheap. Do it in person.

but I will typing that email.

Excellent point. So your story made me think about a post I edited in one of my Facebook groups. About a friend experiencing a tragic situation for her son (child is ok!). I was sharing it with good intentions and realized that the details were specific enough that even without names if was possible in the small world we live in someone possibly could figure out the identity. So I modified my post to read “my friend who is experiencing a difficult situation involving her child although the child is ok”. That was totally safe under the circumstances. I always have this mindset when I post. No matter how remote the chances are it has to pass the test of either being no chance ever or if there is any chance I’m revealing no secrets and I’m not gossiping. Always. Often I choose to post nothing at all as the safest course.

Last year I got an FB message from a new friend who pointed out there she realized one of my friends from another city almost 1,000 miles away was the new wife of her sister’s ex husband (and yes they’d dated before the divorce was final ). I haven’t told my friend - the new wife. But it shows you that the world is teeny tiny. Be more careful out there especially with work related info.

I would write an email to your boss, ask him to forward your email to his wife AND apologize sincerely and remorsefully IN PERSON on Monday. Get it over and done with.

I've noticed that most people are a forgiving lot if you lower yourself, become extremely humble and express how sorry you are. Ask your boss to convey your apologetic message to his wife, too. And then thank him. Do the right thing. When you show honor, respect and human decency, people will come around eventually.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Don't beat yourself up over this. This too shall pass.

I would write an email to your boss, ask him to forward your email to his wife AND apologize sincerely and remorsefully IN PERSON on Monday. Get it over and done with.

This. There needs to be an in-person apology, OP.

That's all you can really do at this point.

Do not apologise!!!

By apologising you are admitting fault.

What did you do wrong? Nothing!!

Your job description does not have a confidentiality agreement about office gossip.

It perhaps does re clients etc but you did not cross that boundary.

Even IF your story said that your bosses wife was the wedding planner and thereby revealed the identity of the person in the story, it was NOT you that breached confidentiality. Your bosses wife did!

I work in the medical field and I have posted things online about cases I have come across etc , I do have to of course adhere to confidentiality in my contract , professionally and ethically.

As long as I do not reveal the identity of my patients , then it it very ok!!!

This is an issue to be solved between your boss and his wife. Taking the post down is courteous to him but wasn’t required or necessary from your standing.

Go to work on Monday as usual.

If your boss confronts you on the issue , ask him to show you where in your contract does it say not to post anything online that is not work related but office gossip?

Yes. She shared information publicly on social media that was shared with her in a small group setting. And shared it in a group that involved just the sort of people -brides -that this woman talked about -she shared a story for her own benefit -to get the attention, the "likes" or whatever - not because she wanted to help this poor bride or the wife's business.- and it was information about her boss's wife's clients - it doesn't matter if there was any "confidentiality" agreement at work -it's just common sense not to share that kind of information in that kind of way. Sure, if she'd told her mother and for some crazy reason the mom told one other person who knew the bride, ok - it's innocent - but she knew that this was her boss's wife's business -her livelihood -maybe the wife shouldn't be sharing stories but as she wrote all of them are so so close. And with that comes the responsibility of discretion.

Do not over-apologize. It's makes things worse. You took corrective action. Apologize privately in person at work. Do not send more emails. or tell him to forward anything to his wife. Apologizing repeatedly doesn't make it more sincere in fact it just becomes annoying and obsequious.

Thank you all, venting sure helped. Dreading going back to work on Monday, but I will typing that email. There's no excuse for my dumb actions and I also hope she has no repercussions.

Yes. She shared information publicly on social media that was shared with her in a small group setting. And shared it in a group that involved just the sort of people -brides -that this woman talked about -she shared a story for her own benefit -to get the attention, the "likes" or whatever - not because she wanted to help this poor bride or the wife's business.- and it was information about her boss's wife's clients - it doesn't matter if there was any "confidentiality" agreement at work -it's just common sense not to share that kind of information in that kind of way. Sure, if she'd told her mother and for some crazy reason the mom told one other person who knew the bride, ok - it's innocent - but she knew that this was her boss's wife's business -her livelihood -maybe the wife shouldn't be sharing stories but as she wrote all of them are so so close. And with that comes the responsibility of discretion.

Agree 100%. This is not about the legality of what happened. As Batya said, it is about common sense and decency.

It doesn't mean OP is a horrible person. Far from it. The inconsiderate things I've done when I was young is a long, long list to be sure. But I've grown from it. OP will too.

ETA: Though it is true that it was a poor choice of her boss to share that information as well. Moreso since that is his wife's business. I wonder if he apologized to his wife for this.

Billie - Are you saying that if I were your patient, and I had some rare disease, you would tell everyone about it, "as long as you don't use my name"? In other words, you'd post my race, age, how many kids I have etc - so in other words people could figure out who you were talking about? And that's seriously ok with you?

That's very concerning to me.

Billie - Are you saying that if I were your patient, and I had some rare disease, you would tell everyone about it, "as long as you don't use my name"? In other words, you'd post my race, age, how many kids I have etc - so in other words people could figure out who you were talking about? And that's seriously ok with you?

 

That's very concerning to me.

Confidentiality is about keeping anonymity.

That means I would exclude race , age, gender etc in order to protect one’s anonymity, it’s much more than using a fake name!

Nothing to be concerned about at all.

It’s about education only.

Sure, if she'd told her mother and for some crazy reason the mom told one other person who knew the bride, ok - it's innocent - but she knew that this was her boss's wife's business -her livelihood -maybe the wife shouldn't be sharing stories but as she wrote all of them are so so close. And with that comes the responsibility of discretion.

The responsibility of discretion started with the bosses wife.

She told her husband.

Her husband told the OP and possibly others.

Yes perhaps as another said , share ones own story and not that of another’s.

It wasn’t her story to tell but the gossip was spread before it got to her.

She has taken the post down.

That should be the end of it.

The boss can apologise to his wife. And the wife can apologise to her client.

Go into work Monday. Apologize in person in private for any misunderstanding or inconvenience that resulted, then leave it alone. Keep in it simple and focus on their upset, not your innocence. No sappy emails for the boss to "forward to his wife". He can talk to her in person.

It doesn't matter what you can/can't do legally technically online. What matters is being sensitive to their upset and most of all keeping your job. It's not "illegal" or intentional to step on someone's foot but normal people apologize for that. Too many people these days lack basic manners and doubling down on this is not a good idea.

A couple of hours later I have about a hundred missed calls from my boss telling me both his wife and the bride are in that group and that his wife was very upset and to please take the post down. I did. I don't have either my boss or his wife on facebook and I don't even know the people in the story so the thought of any of them seeing that never even crossed my mind.

The responsibility of discretion started with the bosses wife.

She told her husband.

Her husband told the OP and possibly others.

 

Yes perhaps as another said , share ones own story and not that of another’s.

It wasn’t her story to tell but the gossip was spread before it got to her.

 

She has taken the post down.

That should be the end of it.

 

The boss can apologise to his wife. And the wife can apologise to her client.

Sure- the wife shouldn't have gossiped. Of course not. Nothing to do with the OP deciding to share it on social media in the way she did -a bride's group! Taking the post down does some damage control but not nearly enough. I agree with Wiseman and the others. We can agree to disagree.

The responsibility of discretion started with the bosses wife.

She told her husband.

Her husband told the OP and possibly others.

 

Yes perhaps as another said , share ones own story and not that of another’s.

It wasn’t her story to tell but the gossip was spread before it got to her.

 

She has taken the post down.

That should be the end of it.

 

The boss can apologise to his wife. And the wife can apologise to her client.

It is *not* the wife's fault.

She is allowed to confide in her husband about her day - sucky things that happened.

The boss is the one who gossipped, not the wife.

But as far as the op, not all stories are ours to tell.

Its not my story to write a facebook post about a relative's struggle with something. Its not my story to tell.

If you had been a guest at this wedding, that would have been another story.

It is *not* the wife's fault.

She is allowed to confide in her husband about her day - sucky things that happened.

She can of course do whatever she wants!!

Doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do!

And she of course has the right to request that her husband does not tell anyone else which might jeopardise her job!

Not because she will get fired since there seems to be no confidentiality agreement but because no client will hire her.

That absolutely is her own doing!!