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Thread: Fiance of 7 years comes out as gay

  1. #1

    Fiance of 7 years comes out as gay

    My fiance broke up with me this week. I am destroyed honestly. He told he thinks he's gay and he needs to explore his feelings. I'm trying to be understanding because I love him but it hurts so much.

    We never fought. We were perfect for each other.

    We lived in an apt together and the past few months we started looking for a house. We found the perfect house. He started becoming distant and I thought it was just stress which he agreed. I thought things would get better once we finished moving. He put the house all in his name because I have little to no credit and he makes more money. I had a bad feeling about this but he reassured me. The day he closed on the house he broke up with me. I feel betrayed. Did he plan this all along?

    He says he's only been questioning his sexuality the past couple months and before he was completely attracted to women. He said it's like a switch flipped in his brain and now he's not attracted to women at all. He told me if he doesn't like being with a man that he would call me. I can't handle this pain. I'm really struggling with this new reality.

  2. #2
    You did nothing wrong. It is best to let him go and do as he pleases so he can find happiness or figure out what he wants. In the mean time, be kind with him. Painful but kindness is best. Do you. You have time to do as you please. Fitness, hobbies or travel. I would not settle on waiting for him. There are lots of great people. Plus, do you want to be with someone who once left you before? It becomes a trust issue.

  3. #3
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Yikes, that is rough, but I am afraid if he is gay, he is gay. There is nothing you can do about that.

    Yes it is selfish of him to wait so long and waste your time before coming out, but perhaps there are cultural and family reasons why he has struggled to come out. At least you are not married yet or have any children together (I hope).

    In any case, this is not all about him. He shared a 7 year relationship with you, including engagement, knowing that he was gay. It is perfectly normal to feel angry, betrayed, sad, whatever... he absolutely deserves it. I do not buy into the whole "wow he's coming out, he is so brave! you should be happy for him and support him!" line that some might take. He might as well have hidden the fact that he was in love with a different woman for 7 years. Whatever he is, he has been very irresponsible towards you.

    So be angry, be sad, be hurt etc... but get it out of your system and move on. It is what it is, you cannot change what happened, but you can determine what happens next in your life.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It is a blessing that you did not go further with someone like this. One way or another he was and is living a lie. It sounds like there is someone else (could very well be a women) or he simply does not want to get married. His story sounds a bit outrageous. Get support from friends and family and cut him out of your life. Do not wait around for him "give you a call if guys don't work out for him".
    Originally Posted by Lonesome13
    He put the house all in his name because I have little to no credit and he makes more money. The day he closed on the house he broke up with me.

    He says he's only been questioning his sexuality the past couple months and before he was completely attracted to women.

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  6. #5
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    Please cut contact and let him go. I know it hurts, but he did the best thing for you instead of marrying you


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