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Thread: Was in a relationship with a wonderful woman but something was missing...

  1. #1
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    Was in a relationship with a wonderful woman but something was missing...

    Hi, recently I was in a relationship with a wonderful woman, I really felt she was ideal for me, she was kind, caring, supportive, pretty, everything I could have wanted in a partner. The first few times we met up it was exciting but then once the relationship started getting more serious my excitement started to fade and I didn't feel that ''spark''. I'm really confused why my feelings werent strong enough as I felt really lucky to have someone like her interested in me. Don't get me wrong the times we spent together were nice, I just can't pinpoint why I wasnt fully happy. I kept waiting and hoping to see if my feelings would get stronger over time but they didnt... She eventually broke up with me, probably sensed that I wasnt enthusiastic enough. Now I find shortly after the break up she's found someone else and it makes me really miss her and I feel depressed - but if I wasnt fully into it why do I feel so upset?

    Some additional info - This was my first proper serious relationship and I do have problems with anxiety/OCD. Could these have played a factor as to why I wasnt fully content?

    I really feel like ive missed out on something special, but I suppose feelings cant be forced...

  2. #2
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    It is simple ..well to me anyway

    You met and entered phase 1 ..the honeymoon period , that is why it felt exciting . Then you naturally progressed to phase 2 ..the stay or walk away decision , you become more familiar and settled with a person and it either feels amazing and you start getting serious or you realise it isn't a fit and walk away ....or hang on in there like you did in the hope that that initial excitement comes back . You know it's right when that initial excitment goes but is replaced with intense feelings of falling for someone ..

    She ended it so although you know deep down you are not right together , you didn't call it which always leaves one with a sense that their time was cut short and your thoughts hadn't run their course yet .

    I don't believe your OCD played a part in you not feeling it ....I just believe you didn't belong together .

    You have maybe got with someone else to quickly , haven't given yourself enough time to shake the old off before you start with the new .

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Kind, caring, supportive and pretty sounds about as boring as a plank of wood. If that's predominantly the type of ideas she conjures up in you and, ironically, your alias is "creative1", this is incompatibility at its best.

    I think your ego is slighted by seeing her with someone else. Let it go. Meet new people. Don't be so hard on yourself and give yourself a chance to meet more likeminded individuals.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It really is about chemistry..it's either there, or it isn't.

    You're feeling sad now, not because of her per se, but rather that it seemed like something that was going to be special and didn't turn out that way and now you're feeling disappointed.

    Which is understandable. You had hoped for a great romance.

    But you're right, if the feelings aren't there, it can't be forced.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Kind, caring, supportive and pretty sounds about as boring as a plank of wood
    Why is it? It sounds pretty darn great to me.

    But it won't matter if someone is ideal, chemistry is a funny thing and you can't force it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Why is it? It sounds pretty darn great to me.
    You've snipped this out of context. I said predominantly. Maybe it's just me but I think someone should conjure up more than the idea of being generally pleasant. It doesn't sound like enough to go on. We are both talking about chemistry when it comes to compatibility or lack thereof.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You miss the attention she once doted on you, because it feels good to have a fan. Now that she's found a new bf, it's really clear that fandom will stop. How you describe her is how you could describe any female friend. Now you are free to find that woman who possesses all the traits you admire PLUS creates a spark in you that won't fizzle out. Many of us have had to go to bat many times before hitting the home run, so don't feel like you're the only one who doesn't do it the first time at home plate.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I think you just see her happy with someone else and if you are not seeing anyone else, you're a little jealous.

    Originally Posted by creative1
    I just can't pinpoint why I wasnt fully happy.
    You say this was your first relationship, so I wonder do you expect another person to make you happy? Cause it really doesn't work that way. You have to be happy on your own in order to be happy in a relationship. Maybe you just meant the relationship was making you unhappy or lacking. I just wanted to point it out... You gotta work on yourself and put work into a relationship, it's isn't magic based only on chemistry. Chemistry is great glue that keeps people together through the rough spots, but it's not fun and sex 24/7. Relationships (romantic, friendships, family, coworkers-- all of them) require hard work with a lot of compromise, commitment and benefit of the doubt at times, if they are going to last. And it comes from both people.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You are normal. Hey anyone can look good on paper, but if there's a lack of chemistry between you, it won't work. This can happen to anyone, so stop beating yourself up over it. You will meet someone that lights your fire.
    I think your expectations got the best of you....being your first isn't always going to be the end all be all.
    Last edited by smackie9; 11-02-2019 at 01:37 PM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This isn't about her and has nothing to do with whoever you date. Try to address your anxiety, mood, etc better. Get to a doctor for a workup and get a referral to a qualified therapist.

    Unfortunately you can't expect people or dating to correct underlying issues, no less deal with them because you haven't dealt with them in a satisfactory manner..
    Originally Posted by creative1
    I just can't pinpoint why I wasnt fully happy. - This was my first proper serious relationship and I do have problems with anxiety/OCD.

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