Connecting after extreme fights

[Hollyj]

I still don't get how shoving is being "touchy."

[boltnrun]

I still don't get how shoving is being "touchy."

Or getting on top of her during arguments.

[Rose Mosse]

She has also called it quits. Please stop trying. Or thinking that there's any shot at reconciling. You're deluding yourself and causing more confusion for yourself. Whatever happened, it's done and finished. You will not get her back and trying to convince her or force her to follow your idea of getting back together is not appropriate.

Don't ever force-hug or put your hands on someone while you're having a discussion about something serious or when in a disagreement. It's completely inappropriate. Most people do NOT want to be touched while in disagreement or in a serious discussion. If you have done this in the past to other partners and restrained or physically stopped an argument like that you've conditioned your mind into thinking this is an acceptable response going forward. Unfortunately, it's not. It's very inappropriate.

Different people approach touch and comforting touch differently. Being comforting should never be called pinning or shoving. Those are violent words and if it's how she's interpreted your touching, there's something very wrong. The disconnect is very wide there and these are two separate perceptions.

[Wiseman2]

Walk Away Now 🙈🙉🙊

[waffle]

I’m a touchy person naturally so when I talk I’d try to hold her hand or thouch her shoulder. She didnt see it as comfort so she’d push me away and in my panic I’d try to hug and hold her and tell her to calm down. But the touching always made it worse. I’ve never hit her tried to be aggressive it’s just my comfort when anxiety hits. She would just flip out on me and start being REALLY aggressive and then I felt I had to stop we from escalating so I’d try to hold her really tight. Or get on top of her. I know this doesnt work and she does too, but she’s worried that this caused some long lasting damage.

The fact that you recognize these things and continue to do it is abusive. Seek help immediately because, as another poster noted, jail is in your future.

[catfeeder]

I still don't get how shoving is being "touchy."

Yeah, there's nothing even remotely appropriate about your behavior. When someone is furious with you for ANY reason, including one you don't understand or wish to explain away, that's not the time to attempt to deal with them.

Instead of walking away and allowing her to cool off so you both can speak rationally later, you shove and restrain. That's assault, and you're lucky enough to be out of jail right now, so I'd quit while you're ahead.

If you don't trust that GF is capable of rational discussion after you walk away from an argument, then she's not relationship material, and nothing you 'say' will change that. As it stands now, you're too aggressive regardless of your intentions, and she's done with that. Respect her choice and learn something from this, or you will end up learning it from inside a prison.