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Thread: Feeling Alone

  1. #1

    Feeling Alone

    My girlfriend texted me that she wants to break up after three years of dating and I am pretty devastated. She is working in California and I am in Kentucky and I moved to her hometown to go to school near here and am living with her parents while she is gone. She told me she wanted to end things last night and that we weren't having much of a relationship long distance. I have no friends up here and I feel completely alone and I can't help but obsess over what I could have done differently or if I had done more or tried to communicate or text her more.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Long distance relationships are difficult. Not all people can handle long distance and sadly your ex was one of the people who couldn't. It's that simple. IMO, you could not have done much differently and in any case the cat is out of the bag now. The break up HAS happened and it couldn't have happened any other way given the circumstances. Your brain is bargaining in an effort to "fix" things. You need to recognise the obsessive thoughts for what they are i.e. a defense mechanism without much practical value. I am very sorry for your loss. You need to give yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship and treat yourself kindly during this time, which means trying not to blame yourself too much. It took the both of you to get where you are and it sounds like she was the one who quit not you. Once you are ready, you will let go too but for now you need to focus on getting back on your feet and it takes time. Try not to take the waves of thoughts your brain attacks you with too seriously. Most of them are not real, they are fear based. You are not alone but you do need to reach out to friends and family and of course use this website. Good luck.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you're going through this, Jason2019. Your story resonates with a relative of mine. Feeling dumped and rejected feels life changing right now but someday your pain will become a blur and distant memory. I'm sorry for your pain. Often times people go through quite a few people before they find "thee one" and settle down. If you're religious, God has a different plan for you even if you don't see it and if you're not religious, there's still a different plan and path for you in your future. You will have a serendipitous meeting with someone special someday.

    In the meantime, know that your girlfriend is realistic regarding LDRs which have a tendency to fail, unfortunately. It's better to end it now than drag it out, endure inconvenience and know that absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence and separation causes two people to drift apart.

    You couldn't have done anything differently. There's so much in life which is beyond your control.

    Hope you gradually and eventually meet friends. Since you're living with her parents, perhaps her parents know other parents who can introduce you to their grown adult children within your age bracket for starters. Or, join clubs on campus, sports, etc. Hopefully, you can get to know fellow students better.

    Hang in there. Let time heal your wounds. Someday time will heal your old wounds.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Contact friends, parents, family, etc back home and enlist their help in moving you back. You shouldn't be living with her folks anyway. She may have met someone.
    Originally Posted by Jason2019
    My girlfriend texted me that she wants to break up after three years of dating. am living with her parents while she is gone. I have no friends up here and I feel completely alone.

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  6. #5
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    Well for now you need to think practically.
    Obviously you can no longer stay with her parents so ask them a time frame of how long you have before finding alternate accommodation.

    You are studying there. Why have you no friends??
    Iím pretty sure you do have friends but being a little melodramatic? Perhaps they arenít the same as childhood friends but they are probably friends that will outlast childhood ones.

    Tell people about your situation and ask around if anyone knows of accomodation.

    You will likely feel a lot better once you move.

    What could you have done differently?

    Probably a lot of things but nothing that would have stopped the break up.
    Long distance relationships rarely ever work out.
    Moving to her area was fine but isolating yourself by living with her parents was not.

    I find it odd that you moved in with her parents and she moved out?? What was that about?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Yes, there are things you could have done differently, so you can learn from it moving forward. If you're in an LDR, although I don't recommend them because it's not a normal pace of dating, you should have moved into your own place and dated at a normal pace. And you should have joined clubs either in the community or college, so that you had your own independent life.

    You made her the sole center of your universe, and to go from rarely seeing each other to being together 24/7 was smothering and daunting. It was too much pressure on her, and I don't doubt she escaped to California so that she didn't have to be in your presence to see the drama firsthand when she broke up with you.

    If practical for your education, move back to your hometown since you have no support system where you live now. Date locally for better results after you have mourned and healed.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    What a bummer. Sorry to hear this. I'd plan an exit and evacuate. Find a place to hang your hat again, reliable employment and restart your life. Put this woman firmly in the past. If she was able to break up with you like this after your level of commitment and moving, trouble might have been brewing for quite some time and you've been in denial for a lot of it. You've been in a precarious situation for awhile and I think her move to CA and settling there for work, leaving you behind, brought her second foot out the door so to speak.

    Start planning. Don't overthink it. Just do it. You'll thank yourself later. Don't be afraid. We have all had to restart over again at some point. You can do it.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Please don't beat yourself up. Sounds like what you got caught up in is wrong stages of life. She moved out to a new place, new job, started to build a life and friendships there and simply moved on. It doesn't matter if you were calling, texting, talking, skyping or even flying over there every other weekend, the rift still would have happened because that's the nature of this particular type situation - brand new job, excitement, new people, new places simply take over. It's rare for relationships to survive this kind of a change. Most will grow apart quite quickly no matter what.

    Best for you now is to focus on the practical matters like finding a place to move out to from her parents home, focus on your studies, don't fall apart in that respect. No woman is worth that. Also, make friends, join clubs, get involved with things. Keeping busy helps to feel better and move on.

  10. #9
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    To break up by text after three years is absolutely callous. Talk about slap in the face :/. She's s coward and clearly doesn't deserve you, please move out and block her. She isn't good for you and you'll get more hurt if you give her an opening up stay in touch.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    There was nothing you could have done more or less. The distance is part of the problem, but other things that the posters mentioned contributed to the breakup. Being so young, we all change. What we want, how we feel about things are different, our goals and direction in life changes. Sounds like sheís found a new life where she is, and wants to move on.
    You are going to have to get up, dust yourself off and get on with it. Get out there and either go back home, or start making a life for yourself. Meet new people by getting involved with activities at school, find a place with someone who is looking for a new roommate. The possibilities are endless.

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