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Thread: I work with my ex and Im still in love with her

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    This girl is plain weird. Stay away from abnormal people. If anything she did you a huge favor by having a new unlucky guy in her dating world.

    Develop feelings of indifference and go your own way. Remain professional at work, do you job, earn your paycheck and go home in that order.

    Get your head out of the sand regarding attraction because it's only skin deep. You know the real her which is unsavory. Know the difference between a normal lady and a woman who is not all there mentally. She's too unstable, strange, has no qualms having feelings for her cousin, compares your parents to her ex's parents, tells her brother about this, unreliable dating you, flaky, doesn't wish to "settle" with you regarding marriage and she is nothing but red flags all over the place! Why would you want to create unnecessary stress for yourself? She sounds like a real nut case.

    Take a cold shower, splash cold water on your face and wake up. Then you'll realize that you need to see this picture here for what it is instead of imagining what you want which is unrealistic, delusional and impractical for everyday living.

    Other than exercising and moving up with your life which is commendable, surround yourself with normal, healthy, respectable people. Happy people are with respectable people who know how to behave properly and honorably. They'll influence you to become very picky and choosy regarding whom you allow into your life and who doesn't pass muster.

    You get over it by accepting this harsh reality check about numerous character flaws and her incurable defects. This is what I do whenever I want someone back into my life and it didn't work out.

    Character problems are #1. If you're not on the same page regarding treating each other with common decency, common courtesy and respect, ALL relationships (and friendships) flounder and fail.
    Thank you! It really helps to hear this

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    This girl is plain weird. Stay away from abnormal people. If anything she did you a huge favor by having a new unlucky guy in her dating world.

    Develop feelings of indifference and go your own way. Remain professional at work, do you job, earn your paycheck and go home in that order.

    Get your head out of the sand regarding attraction because it's only skin deep. You know the real her which is unsavory. Know the difference between a normal lady and a woman who is not all there mentally. She's too unstable, strange, has no qualms having feelings for her cousin, compares your parents to her ex's parents, tells her brother about this, unreliable dating you, flaky, doesn't wish to "settle" with you regarding marriage and she is nothing but red flags all over the place! Why would you want to create unnecessary stress for yourself? She sounds like a real nut case.

    Take a cold shower, splash cold water on your face and wake up. Then you'll realize that you need to see this picture here for what it is instead of imagining what you want which is unrealistic, delusional and impractical for everyday living.

    Other than exercising and moving up with your life which is commendable, surround yourself with normal, healthy, respectable people. Happy people are with respectable people who know how to behave properly and honorably. They'll influence you to become very picky and choosy regarding whom you allow into your life and who doesn't pass muster.

    You get over it by accepting this harsh reality check about numerous character flaws and her incurable defects. This is what I do whenever I want someone back into my life and it didn't work out.

    Character problems are #1. If you're not on the same page regarding treating each other with common decency, common courtesy and respect, ALL relationships (and friendships) flounder and fail.
    Originally Posted by saluk
    You tried a thing. It didn't work out, but I'll bet you learned a lot along the way. Maybe some good things. Maybe some bad. Now you get some time to reflect on what you've learned. The way she laughed when you told her how you saw things trying to get closure... you were probably not entirely accurate. But at the same time, you were right when you broke up that she wasn't for you.

    And she still isn't. You don't want her, you want someone who is on the same page as you, whatever that looks like for you. This girl never was that.

    Someone "liking" you is never a sure thing. Nothing is a sure thing. You've gotta live life with your palms open instead of closed. Accepting the good and the bad. Maybe it's time to reimagine yourself. Start looking for another job. If you can't get out of this situation, try and find something social after work or on weekends that you can put your energy into. Sports, volunteering, art, music, games, something. Tinder won't do much for you if you don't have anything interesting going on in your life. Being buried in your work and working out and pining for an ex isn't interesting. It's so uninteresting that you look to either your recent interesting past or some imagined interesting future just as a means of escaping your life. But it's the present that you need to work on - not the past.
    This is great. The last part about how Iím thinking of the future and past is accurate. I try to live in the present. Sometimes easier said than done. Iím working on it. Thank you!

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    This girl is plain weird. Stay away from abnormal people. If anything she did you a huge favor by having a new unlucky guy in her dating world.

    Develop feelings of indifference and go your own way. Remain professional at work, do you job, earn your paycheck and go home in that order.

    Get your head out of the sand regarding attraction because it's only skin deep. You know the real her which is unsavory. Know the difference between a normal lady and a woman who is not all there mentally. She's too unstable, strange, has no qualms having feelings for her cousin, compares your parents to her ex's parents, tells her brother about this, unreliable dating you, flaky, doesn't wish to "settle" with you regarding marriage and she is nothing but red flags all over the place! Why would you want to create unnecessary stress for yourself? She sounds like a real nut case.

    Take a cold shower, splash cold water on your face and wake up. Then you'll realize that you need to see this picture here for what it is instead of imagining what you want which is unrealistic, delusional and impractical for everyday living.

    Other than exercising and moving up with your life which is commendable, surround yourself with normal, healthy, respectable people. Happy people are with respectable people who know how to behave properly and honorably. They'll influence you to become very picky and choosy regarding whom you allow into your life and who doesn't pass muster.

    You get over it by accepting this harsh reality check about numerous character flaws and her incurable defects. This is what I do whenever I want someone back into my life and it didn't work out.

    Character problems are #1. If you're not on the same page regarding treating each other with common decency, common courtesy and respect, ALL relationships (and friendships) flounder and fail.
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Don't get what you see in her, other than looks (shallow) . This relationship has been full of drama and instability from the start. Do you usually like women to treat you like crap?

    The bit about the cousin and s disturbing, plus she cheated on you.

    I think that you need to stop being a doormat and address your lack of self respect. You should also seek a new job.

    Move on!
    I donít like women that treat me like crap. But somehow I manage to find them. I have infinite patience and the capacity to forgive. Those traits can be wonderful, but youíre right that I end up a doormat more often than not. The problem is, I donít realize it at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 and it isnít until things are over that I can view them objectively, unfortunately.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    This girl is plain weird. Stay away from abnormal people. If anything she did you a huge favor by having a new unlucky guy in her dating world.

    Develop feelings of indifference and go your own way. Remain professional at work, do you job, earn your paycheck and go home in that order.

    Get your head out of the sand regarding attraction because it's only skin deep. You know the real her which is unsavory. Know the difference between a normal lady and a woman who is not all there mentally. She's too unstable, strange, has no qualms having feelings for her cousin, compares your parents to her ex's parents, tells her brother about this, unreliable dating you, flaky, doesn't wish to "settle" with you regarding marriage and she is nothing but red flags all over the place! Why would you want to create unnecessary stress for yourself? She sounds like a real nut case.

    Take a cold shower, splash cold water on your face and wake up. Then you'll realize that you need to see this picture here for what it is instead of imagining what you want which is unrealistic, delusional and impractical for everyday living.

    Other than exercising and moving up with your life which is commendable, surround yourself with normal, healthy, respectable people. Happy people are with respectable people who know how to behave properly and honorably. They'll influence you to become very picky and choosy regarding whom you allow into your life and who doesn't pass muster.

    You get over it by accepting this harsh reality check about numerous character flaws and her incurable defects. This is what I do whenever I want someone back into my life and it didn't work out.

    Character problems are #1. If you're not on the same page regarding treating each other with common decency, common courtesy and respect, ALL relationships (and friendships) flounder and fail.
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why aren't you making new friends? I am 55 and make new friends. Get out there! Join Meetups, volunteer, join clubs. Do something. No excuse.
    And Iím about to begin going to more art openings and figuring out how to branch out. Iíve never heard of meetups though. Iíll look into it. Thanks!

  5.  

  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by ed2099
    And Iím about to begin going to more art openings and figuring out how to branch out. Iíve never heard of meetups though. Iíll look into it. Thanks!
    Thanks ed2099!

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by ed2099
    I donít like women that treat me like crap. But somehow I manage to find them. I have infinite patience and the capacity to forgive. Those traits can be wonderful, but youíre right that I end up a doormat more often than not. The problem is, I donít realize it at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 and it isnít until things are over that I can view them objectively, unfortunately.
    Nope. You are choosing this type because you are attracted to drama and have low self worth.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by ed2099
    And Iím about to begin going to more art openings and figuring out how to branch out. Iíve never heard of meetups though. Iíll look into it. Thanks!
    Good. Meetup.com. has tons of groups for every imaginable interest. You can also look into your Interests with other groups online

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by ed2099
    I donít like women that treat me like crap. But somehow I manage to find them. I have infinite patience and the capacity to forgive. Those traits can be wonderful, but youíre right that I end up a doormat more often than not. The problem is, I donít realize it at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 and it isnít until things are over that I can view them objectively, unfortunately.
    Stop forgiving anyone that treats you like crap, regardless of whether they are women or men. Unless you have to deal with them for work and they control your career path, don't respond to them until they behave differently. As Holly says, you've got low self-worth and you need to make choices that will change this mindset.

    As Cherylyn has said, stay away from abnormal people. If a girl is cute but has personal problems, do not get into the mode of "I think I can fix her and she will love me for it". Unless you're a professional therapist and she's been referred to you for therapy, this ain't your job, man. Been there. Done that. It doesn't end in some Disney-esque "and they lived happily ever after" BS that we've been programmed to think.

    It good that you're open to new channels to meet people but don't talk about this situation/backstory with anyone new that you meet. It will communicate low value and you don't want this. Be careful of sharing this information especially if you meet someone that you're attracted to and you start to want sharing things (goes double if you're drinking with them). Sharing is not always caring. It will send up red flags and you'll soon see that they're unavailable to hang out.

    That aside, get out there and meet some new girls. The woman that really want is out there and she's not going to be this nut case that you've left behind. You may not meet her this tomorrow or this weekend, but she's out there and she's looking for a guy just like you.

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