GF broke up with me

Hey guys,

Been on this forum for a bit and I just wanted to thank those that gave me advices.

My girlfriend and I dated for a year and a half and we recently broke up.

I went over to her house after i noticed some signs of her losing interest; not texting back frequently and being hot and cold, but mostly cold.

I asked if there was any problems and she said its not me its her and that she was going through some personal problems. I tried to get some information but shes a very passive aggressive person and usually doesnt want to talk about her personal life things. That confused me, and has me thinking maybe she just lost interest and doesnt want to hurt my feelings or maybe shes seeing someone else behind my back while we were dating.

Im overthinking things because im not sure what I did wrong. Shes saying its personal reasons but i get this feeling its not.

Its been 2 weeks since our breakup and I’m hurting like a mfer. I wish to get back with her but I’m trying to stay strong. I still have her extra set of house keys which i need to give back but I really dont want to see her and start crying lol.

Is it my insecurity that’s really the factor here and making me overthink things?

Also I’m still friends with her on facebook and IG. I dont really want to delete her in case we do get back together. Would deleting her help me recuperate?

Hey guys,

Been on this forum for a bit and I just wanted to thank those that gave me advices.

 

My girlfriend and I dated for a year and a half and we recently broke up.

 

I went over to her house after i noticed some signs of her losing interest; not texting back frequently and being hot and cold, but mostly cold.

 

I asked if there was any problems and she said its not me its her and that she was going through some personal problems. I tried to get some information but shes a very passive aggressive person and usually doesnt want to talk about her personal life things. That confused me, and has me thinking maybe she just lost interest and doesnt want to hurt my feelings or maybe shes seeing someone else behind my back while we were dating.

 

Im overthinking things because im not sure what I did wrong. Shes saying its personal reasons but i get this feeling its not.

 

Its been 2 weeks since our breakup and I’m hurting like a mfer. I wish to get back with her but I’m trying to stay strong. I still have her extra set of house keys which i need to give back but I really dont want to see her and start crying lol.

 

Is it my insecurity that’s really the factor here and making me overthink things?

 

Also I’m still friends with her on facebook and IG. I dont really want to delete her in case we do get back together. Would deleting her help me recuperate?

How does remaining friends or following her on social media going to help you two get back together? That doesn't make sense. Sounds like an excuse.

Yes, unfollow and delete social media connections. You're looking at her pages still, I'll bet. Not being able to do that will help you move forward.

These things always hurt and everyone goes through what you are going through. It hurts, it is confusing, you want answers, you want to know what you can do to fix it and you want her back.

These all come from fear of loss. Deep down you know it wasn't working and she wouldn't share with you what was really going on with her so what options did you really have?

Healing takes time but if you spend that time focusing on her instead of yourself you will stay in this cycle for a very long time.

Stay busy to keep yourself from getting caught in a loop in your head. If you find yourself thinking about all this simply ask yourself "what good will come from this?" and answer "Nothing" then move on.

Acceptance is hard when you think you need concrete answers but most of the time nobody gets all the answers they want and even if you did it wouldn't change the outcome. You would still be broken up.

Read my signature below over and over again...

Lost

It hurts like mad but if you cut her off completely, it will have her thinking about you. To be desirable, is to be less available. Don't let her see how weak you are. If you show you are confident, and up and about not sulking, she will take notice in a positive way. I'm not saying she will run back to you, but at least she will see you are doing better than her.

Sorry to hear this. In this case it does appear to be her, not you. Pull back and reflect. Try to get her off your social media so there's not a steady source of salt in the wounds.

My girlfriend and I dated for a year and a half and we recently broke up. I asked if there was any problems and she said its not me its her and that she was going through some personal problems. I’m still friends with her on facebook and IG. I dont really want to delete her in case we do get back together. Would deleting her help me recuperate?

If you want my opinion, what would be natural and right choice:

1. Meet up

2. "Babe, what's the point of relationship if I can't stand by your side when you have it hardest?"

I think this effectively says: "Me being me is sweet, but don't make fool out of me cause in fact you are making fool outta both of us".

Stepping back if you think you can only solve your problems could like be OK and understandable, but also it's kinda saying "you cannot help me" but who the fk's gonna help you then a man you share everything with??

Stepping back - yes. But breaking up over it? It does not make sense.

If she gets passive aggressive too much - just leave without saying anything. Then time comes to sit down and observe a bit for a few days.

Don't make assumption she is doing something nasty. You need to be yourself all trough it even tho it means she's gonna hurt you. You just have to, man.

Did she say that she broke up with you due to her "personal reasons"? You didn't elaborate on the breakup...

From your previous thread, I'm getting the idea that your gf was Muslim as you referenced her avoiding you in the last couple of months and one of the reasons she cited for avoiding you was that she was busy and fasting etc. You've been feeling like she's giving you the cold shoulder for awhile or neglecting you. She also was laid off in the last two months (in September) and then found new employment without sharing much info with you. She's working on rebuilding her career. It's best to respect that. She doesn't want to share information with you. That's up to her. Next time don't become involved with unavailable individuals (people who are not mentally or emotionally able to support a relationship). This is not the way to handle a new job or transition between jobs. She clearly didn't want you to know much and that's very telling in the way she trusts/trusted the relationship or in the way she viewed the relationship overall. Don't be a doormat and don't ignore these unfortunate traits in a relationship that's going south.

You also mentioned concerns about her keeping the relationship a secret from her family. If she's conservative and religious, she's entitled to have her own concerns. How she wants to be a part of her community or her family is her right and her business. I'm sorry if this has hurt you in the long run.

From the sounds of it, it doesn't seem like she was 100% into you for her own reasons and maybe she was biding time or she was waiting to see if you both might be more compatible. Unfortunately things didn't work out.

I would delete her from social media or at least fly low or not be as present on social media. Maybe you can also mute her info or posts or take her off your regular feed for the time being while you heal and put things in perspective.

If a person does not want to be with you, the best thing is to be respectful of that person's wishes and do not pursue or push your own ideas forward anymore. It takes two to tango. You cannot force someone to want to be with you. Be prepared to let go permanently. I think it's healthiest choice in the long run.

Whatever you decide to do about the rest, just drop the keys in the mail with a one line note. Nothing sappy or needy.

Yes she did, “it’s not you, it’s me. Im going through personal problems”

I've heard stories where it's the other way around and the guy dumping (or rejecting) the girl.

Either way, you have to accept and respect her decision to call it quits with you. It's for the best as opposed to dragging out a relationship which has no future together. Her heart's not in it which you need to respect. You may not like it nor agree with her but you have to accept and respect her final decision.

Return the keys while remaining stoic. Be brave, realize it's over and be mature about this. No sense becoming sentimental and emotional. Remain realistic. Change the way you think. Give her what she wants which is her freedom and know that this is life. Millions of people go through several partners before finding "thee one."

Insecurity, pain and hurts are overtaking your emotions right now. After you've had a lot of time to think things through and grudgingly accept that your relationship wasn't meant to be, your tears will dry up and become newfound wisdom gained.

Yes, delete her from FB and IG. Out of sight, out of mind or at least less out of mind if out of sight.

Start over with a clean slate. Tread cautiously from now on when it comes to choosing women in your life. Avoid unstable types.

tough love here... Spoiled milk doesnt get better if you put it back in the fridge. There wasnt just one problem with the relationship, but there were a lot of issues and saying "Getting back together" is a Disney way of avoiding working on the problems that caused the break up. Unless the two of you are willing to work on the issues then there is no sense of even of thinking of getting back.

And dont you think for an instant that there isnt somoene out thre better for you? I know starting over sucks and looking back and wanting familiarity is comfortable, but you will spend more time trying to fix a broken relationship than starting over with a new one. So if you want to be happy again, I would suggest that you just admit its over, purge her from your social media and just tell yourself it didnt work out.

Then you start fresh. I know it is harder than it sounds and yes its easy for me to type this and harder to do. Ive been on both sides and I know its not easy. But you can do it. Admitting that the relationship is over and you two are not going to get back together is the best thing you can do. It sounds counter productive but it is the best thing. The more you hang around, the easier it will be for her to get over you.

There is better for you out there..

It hurts, hurts like hell, one of the facts of life. Good advice on leaving, no contact, cut the ties and walk into the void or what seems like it. I walked a lot, just walked and thought about her. Walking helps, endorphins are your best friend at this point. It'll pass though, some in a month some longer, don't look for it as it'll happen. Other people will show up, treat them well and they give some relief. Maybe all you need. Take care of you and throw those keys away. Let the healing begin. Good luck.