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Thread: 50 Yo/ Male with 31 Yo/ female

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Shylight's Avatar
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    50 Yo/ Male with 31 Yo/ female

    Hi,

    I am 31 and have been dating a man 19 years older than me the past 2 months. We got along great and met online through a dating app.

    what issues should I expect in the future? Has anyone seen an age gap this wide work out? What conflicts are we likely to have?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Age gaps of 20 years have a 95 percent failure rate. I'm having to help my elderly parents out at certain times which can be tiring. I thank God my husband isn't 20 years older than me because I wouldn't want to be consecutively having to do the same things for a spouse as I do for my parents, which would have me totally drained.

    He'd be retired and perhaps lonely when you've still got 20 years of working life left. Different stages in life produce a myriad of hurdles.

    These are only a few things I will mention. I'm sure others will ring in on other things.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It depends. Is he divorced, have kids, etc? Do you want marriage/kids? It all depends on getting to know him slowly beyond 8 weeks. Are you trying to fast-track or worried about whatever issues you may have already noticed?

    What bad habits does he have? Do you have any similar interests? You need to date a while like anyone else to see if you're compatible.
    Originally Posted by Shylight
    I am 31 and have been dating a man 19 years older than me the past 2 months. What conflicts are we likely to have?

  4. #4
    Bronze Member Shylight's Avatar
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    He has no children, has never been married, and does not want children. I have never been married but would like too, and do not want children. I am not trying to fast track and have not only issues.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Why has he never been married?
    What is his dating history like, has he been in any monogamous, long term relationships?
    Have you been to his home?
    Met his friends?
    Know for a fact he is not married?
    What is it about him (besides the sex) that makes you think you want to go forward in dating him?

    Questions you should find out if you plan on going forth with this man that has never been married... also ask yourself why YOU think that he will want to marry you if no one else has been able to nail him down to that commitment. You say you want marriage.

    In the meantime, to answer your actual question. Very simply: You are on your way up the hill of life and at his age, he is already over the hill.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member Shylight's Avatar
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    1.) He does not want to be married - never has. I do not know why. His past girlfriends have pressured him into living together and marriage and he doesnt want either.
    2.) He has had nothing but long term relationships (5 years, ect.))
    3.) yes I sleep over at this house 2-3 times a week
    4.)We have not met any of our friends/family yet
    5.)I know for a fact hes never been married
    6.) He actually has trouble performing, but because my sex drive is nil, I am not bothered by it. Hes, funny, fun to be with, amazing looking, good natured, treats me like a jewel

    I already know he does not want to be married and I am fine with it.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Big picture: there are the obvious issues of what happens down the lineónamely the unavoidable fact that he will become very old as you get older, so while you hit something of a prime in life he will be in a decline. Not fun to think about, and not a reality anytime soon, but the laws of lifespans are pretty firm. You have roughly twice as long to live as he does, which means you have to be okay with equating this "working out" to you being widowed early.

    Littler picture: you are of drastically different generations and life stations, and that will invariably come up. Think of it a bit like dating someone from a different country and culture. There will just be places where you speak completely different languages, and those places will reveal themselves over time. Not the biggest deal, but a gap that can't be bridged, only accepted. Think of it as a more magnified version of the "individuality gap" that early dating is all about exploringóbasically whether you two genuinely get along as much as you two genuinely make some sizzle.

    All that said, of course it can work out. Happens plenty. A friend of mine from college met her husband when she was around 21 and he was 44. Seemed insane at the time. Today she is 41, he's 64, they've got two beautiful children, are going strong. I would say they've "worked out." Two people who met each other at the right times in their individual journeys to go on a very real journey together.

    TwT asked some great questions, so I won't repeat them. I am curious to see how they're answered.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Can you explain the discrepancy between this:

    Originally Posted by Shylight
    I already know he does not want to be married and I am fine with it.
    And this:

    Originally Posted by Shylight
    I have never been married but would like too.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Shylight
    1.) He does not want to be married - never has. I do not know why. His past girlfriends have pressured him into living together and marriage and he doesnt want either.
    So why, you being someone that would like to be married, date a man like that who goes against your very end dating goal?

    2.) He has had nothing but long term relationships (5 years, ect.))
    Has he been monogamous within those long term relationships? I assume you would want exclusive, monogamous coupling.

    3.) yes I sleep over at this house 2-3 times a week
    Do you actually go out together or is this just a sexual thing?

    4.)We have not met any of our friends/family yet
    Well, its still early.

    5.)I know for a fact hes never been married
    That is not a positive if you are looking for a man that has the same dating goal as you.

    6.) He actually has trouble performing, but because my sex drive is nil, I am not bothered by it. Hes, funny, fun to be with, amazing looking, good natured, treats me like a jewel
    But,he won't marry you. Is he rich? The following is from your last thread so you are still sexually active
    So I have been seeing a guy ("Jason (36) "m 31") for about two months now - we have been intimate, and are not under a relationship title, but do regularly see each other, spend the right ect.)
    Don't fool yourself into settling... doing that gets old fast.

    I already know he does not want to be married and I am fine with it.
    Yet you have told us that you would like to be married.

    By all accounts, and by the history of his dating M.O.: you will be the next woman that tires of him not marrying her or living with her and you will go away within the next five years right where you left off. Only you'll be that much older and sadly, the dating pool will have diminished for you. You say he has trouble performing which means you tried to be sexual with him which also means that your sex drive is not quite "nil." As the honeymoon period wears thin, you will have a good friend that makes you laugh as you live away from him and see him when he deems it. You ok with that scene if that's how it plays out?

  11. #10
    Bronze Member Shylight's Avatar
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    I continue to welcome the answers as I feel my eyes are being peeled open

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