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Thread: Girlfriend (F23) broke up with me (M23) last week. I want to get back together

  1. #1
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    Girlfriend (F23) broke up with me (M23) last week. I want to get back together

    Hi Everyone,
    I am in desperate need of advice. Me (M23) and my girlfriend (F23) had been in a relationship for 11 months. We were head over heels in love with each other. We always talked and we never made a decision without asking each other. We had promised to get married to each other in the future as well. Over the summer, I went off to a summer internship far away, where we had to have a LDR for 3 months. Over that time, things got a little rocky because of the distance, how busy we both were, and difference in time zone.
    When I came back, the first week was great! We were back to normal, however overtime we started fighting more often and getting into arguments over small things. We were both at fault. I was insecure and had the need to always be involved. She was always dumping her stress on me. I think this all came from the instability that came over the summer, something that we both never addressed. Eventually, last Saturday, we had a fight, and she apologized the next day. I was dumb and petty and gave back a half assed apology. After a long argument, she then broke up with me. I was devastated, I begged and pleaded (totally wrong on my part) and she refused. I said some messed up things that I did not mean and she said some messed up things that she did not mean. I was devastated, and I told her that I wanted to kill myself, which was obviously not okay.
    I showed up to her door the next morning, and she told me that its over and that she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and that she does not have those kinds of feelings anymore. I was devastated, and begged and pleaded some more. She told me that we can be friends, and I said no that I cannot do that. She then said I was not being mature by not wanting to be friends and I left. The same night, we met somewhere outside and I begged again (I know, I am pathetic). She said no and its over. This is Sunday night.
    So I start NC with her and I make it until Wednesday morning. That morning, I injure myself and I do not have the means of doing anything myself. I did not know who to contact for help, so I contacted the person who I love the most, my ex. She was concerned at first, and then mad, and then she said she would bring me food. When she brought me food, she was initially mad and yelling at me for not leaving her alone and how it had only been two days. Then she calmed down and we began to talk. We talked about how the breakup was necessary for us to both build on ourselves and become better. I just said that to her so that I look strong, but I was still devastated. She started crying there and started talking about how hard it is. Before she left, she she held my hand and lingered and then left teary eyed. Then we agreed that we should stay friends. The next day, she messaged if I needed more food, and she dropped it off and left fast, as she had to go to work.
    She texted me during the day asking how I am doing, I said I was good and that I did not need anything. That same day, I mailed her a thank you card for taking care of me, hoping it would soften her heart (I know, I was trying too hard). The next day, I try and text her casually, trying to get close to her again and she was being a bit stand offish. I replied saying that I will stay away for a while and that I understand that she needs her space. She got mad, saying that she's trying to focus on class, and I should stop saying dramatic things. I then apologize. Later that night, I talk to a friend, and they said to message her about how you feel and ask her to sit down and try to work it out. I write her a very long text about how I feel and how we should try and work things out. She replied saying I was being selfish and how she was using the time to focus on school, and that I ruined the chance at the friendship I was trying to build. I apologized for doing that, told her I will move on, and I did not contact her again. This was Friday night.
    I did not see her or contact her on Saturday. On Sunday, I met up to work with some friends and it turns out she was there. I said hi, and she did not reply. She talked to me in a group conversation a couple of times, but never directly. However, when I tried to make jokes or anything, she would be very hostile and say mean things to me. I laughed them all off, even though they all stung. That night when I got home, I called her and told her that we have the same friends, and that I have a right to hang out with them and that she needs to stop being so mean. She said she wouldn't have been, if I hadn't messaged her about my feelings. I said that I am over it, and she said okay. That (Sunday Night) was the absolute last time I contacted her. She unadded me on social media after that and I think she might have blocked my number as well, but I am not sure, because I have not tried to get back in contact with her.
    Since then I have seen her once on campus, and I waved and she waved back as I kept walking. It hurt not to stop and talk, but I knew I had to do it. I am still deeply in love with her, and I know she cared about me too. We were very initiate and passionate as a couple. A lot of us breaking up had to do with the stress of school and how that was too much with out arguing. I recognize the mistakes I made, and I had apologized to them the day she came over. She was quite surprised of this. I know she still had feelings, because of her crying when she came over. My question is what steps should I take to mend this? I am trying to stay away right now, as she is taking a few exams. How much space should I give her? How much is too much? I don't want to try and reconcile right before she goes back home for winter break, because it would put too much distance in between us freshly getting together. I love her more than anything, and I want her back. I have no clue which steps to take and I do not want to mess it up even more, because I have already put the odds against me by begging and pleading. I cannot move on religiously because I promised God to marry her, and I will never get over that and will always feel guilty if I ever even try to be with someone else. I need to figure out how to mend this and make things better. I hope that the community can help me out.
    Tl;dr: My girlfriend broke up with me after constant arguing and problems caused by both side. We had an intimate and passionate relationship for 11 months. I begged to get her back and failed. I tried to stay friends and I told her my feelings and failed again. I need a way to get her back. I love her so much. So please help

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this . it sounds like the distance and maturing in different directions took it's toll. This friend of yours gave you really horrible advice. Is this a male or female friend? Is there someone your exgf has her eyes on since you went off for three months?

    You need to pull back and stop reading these get-your-ex-back scams about writing about your feelings,etc and get rid of this friend who gave you this advice.

    It's simple. Leave her alone until she contacts you.
    Originally Posted by Saddumpedguy
    I talk to a friend, and they said to message her about how you feel and ask her to sit down and try to work it out. I write her a very long text about how I feel and how we should try and work things out. She replied saying I was being selfish and how she was using the time to focus on school, and that I ruined the chance at the friendship I was trying to build.

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    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
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    The best way to get her back is be confident.

    Remember that your awesome. If she doesn't see the qualities you offer. So be it.

    Please don't beg anybody to be with you. You want somebody to be with you because they Love you and Not Petty!

    Give her space.

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    It was a male friend. In retrospect, I regret sending her that message so much.

    I do not think she had her eye on anything else. She was always bad at lying, and would end up telling me how she feels about something as soon as she felt it. I know I am still going to see her around, which is going to make it so much harder for me. We are a part of the same, tight-knit friend circle. There's already an event coming up where I know she is also gonna be at

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    Thank you happyfrank. I am learning to be confident again. I am done asking her or begging her to be with me. I am giving her the space that she needs, even though it rips out my heart not being able to speak to her

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That's ok, be friendly, polite but stay busy talking to others, etc don't stare or seek her out. And do not contact her.
    Originally Posted by Saddumpedguy
    We are a part of the same, tight-knit friend circle. There's already an event coming up where I know she is also gonna be at

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    There is no getting her back. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you at all. Her feelings have changed towards you and quite frankly, your behaviour and your current mindset is disrespectful to her and her wishes. She is not an object to be owned or possessed because of a promise you made to God. Listen to her and what she wants. Please be more mindful and present in the moment. Do not use manipulative tactics (ie. using God or religion as an excuse for harassment). Do not harass her or speak to her or try to convince her that she should be in a relationship with you at all, period. Forever. The rest of your life.

    This is done and over.

    Let go. There is also no shame in seeing your priest, spiritual counsellor or a counsellor in general (sessions in therapy). You're not going to like my response but I'm being very honest with you. You're disrespectful and she is correct that you're selfish. Please don't continue on this path.

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    Originally Posted by Saddumpedguy
    I cannot move on religiously because I promised God to marry her, and I will never get over that and will always feel guilty if I ever even try to be with someone else.
    This is silly, OP. The problem with this is that it doesn't mean she won't move on. You can try to unnecessarily glue yourself to this promise, but understand that it has no effect on her choices. What this means is that you might spend years pining for her long after she's settled down with someone else.

    One thing you also need to understand is that her tears upon breaking up don't necessarily mean she still has romantic feelings for you. I have cried before when ending a relationship, and it was because I felt terrible for hurting someone I cared about. She obviously cared about you as a person, but it would be unwise to assume her tears implied regret for breaking up.

    As for right now? You really need to leave her be. Unless and until she contacts you, there isn't another step for you to take. She's been clear she doesn't want to continue the relationship. Might she have a change a heart? It's possible; it sometimes happens. It's very much out of your hands at this point, though. Continuing to make contact certainly won't help matters. It would need to come from her now.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    God will forgive you if you don't marry her.

    You can't force or will someone into being with you. They either want to or they don't. She will make her own decision.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you both from the same culture/faith? Is this something expected when you have sex in your culture/religion?
    Originally Posted by Saddumpedguy
    I cannot move on religiously because I promised God to marry her, and I will never get over that and will always feel guilty if I ever even try to be with someone else.

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